Taken Out of Man

A few nights back, my grandmother and I were having dinner and we were eating ribs. For some reason, while I was sliding the bones out, this little monologue was going on in my head....

"And the Lord caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep, and he removed from the man a rib, and closed up the place with flesh"...

I put this on Facebook, when I got home, and I said it was interesting the places my mind goes.
So then, I was flipping chanels and I stopped on TBN, and I heard this pastor (I don't know his name) was saying that God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep and he took woman out of man. He took something out of man, so that woman could be all she could be.

I thought it was ironic, but not really; sometimes God speaks to us, and he'll use the most mundane things to do it. How awesome!! It's not the means he uses, it's the timing, the sequence, the coordination of the events.

Staying busy

I've been busy... and then not so busy... and then bored. Rarely am I so busy that I'm overloaded... but I think this is my version of learning to be content in every circumstance. But through it all, the desire to walk down the isle has flooded my senses.

I've heard about actively waiting... being busy. It works, but only for a while. At the end of the day, I still am falling asleep... alone with my thoughts. I suppose married people fall asleep with their thoughts too... but they have someone snoring next to them. :)

I love talking to the Lord at night... and listening to him. I need to do more of the latter. So thank you God for this uninterrupted time between me and you. Thank you for family that cares about me, and church to keep me centered. Thank you for walks in the morning, and breathing in deep. Thank you.

Why Not Me?

People around me are getting married left and right. Christmas and New Years, that whole thing, makes people particularly sentimental. I shouldn't be surprised. However, I've noticed that every time I hear of someone else becomming engaged, I become jealous. I wonder when it will ever be my turn, and its as if the enemy sort of slinks over onto my shoulder and tells me that it will never happen for me.

What truth do I use to swollow up this lie?

The fact that I become jealous whenever someone else becomes engaged is probably proof that I am still not ready for this blessing that I've been crying out to God for all this time. Why does marriage have to be a requirement for my life anyway? I think of all the opportunities that I've missed while dwelling on what I preceive as a void in my life, and even that doesn't take away the emptiness. I don't get it. If I'm complete in the Lord, then why am I empty? Is it because I'm not complete in Him? If I'm not complete in Him, what am I lacking?

Lord Help Me.

What rooms have I not allowed you to check and then clean out? Why does this bizarre "ache" keep nagging at me and it never seems to go away? Is this how it will always be? Will my only consolation be that my husband will be an imperfect mess like me, and will never fulfill me anyway? If so, then why do I want him so badly? Several people at my church would tell me that only the Lord can ultimately fulfill me. I agree with this, but there's got to be more to it because otherwise no one would ever have a need for each other.