People around me are getting married left and right. Christmas and New Years, that whole thing, makes people particularly sentimental. I shouldn't be surprised. However, I've noticed that every time I hear of someone else becomming engaged, I become jealous. I wonder when it will ever be my turn, and its as if the enemy sort of slinks over onto my shoulder and tells me that it will never happen for me.
What truth do I use to swollow up this lie?
The fact that I become jealous whenever someone else becomes engaged is probably proof that I am still not ready for this blessing that I've been crying out to God for all this time. Why does marriage have to be a requirement for my life anyway? I think of all the opportunities that I've missed while dwelling on what I preceive as a void in my life, and even that doesn't take away the emptiness. I don't get it. If I'm complete in the Lord, then why am I empty? Is it because I'm not complete in Him? If I'm not complete in Him, what am I lacking?
Lord Help Me.
What rooms have I not allowed you to check and then clean out? Why does this bizarre "ache" keep nagging at me and it never seems to go away? Is this how it will always be? Will my only consolation be that my husband will be an imperfect mess like me, and will never fulfill me anyway? If so, then why do I want him so badly? Several people at my church would tell me that only the Lord can ultimately fulfill me. I agree with this, but there's got to be more to it because otherwise no one would ever have a need for each other.
