Why is it that if someone is considered pro-life, then they are not considered pro-choice? What if the most important decision a woman can make is to give her baby life? To me, these things go hand in hand. Now not everyone agrees with this...and that's alright. It is true...everyone needs to make their own choice, and that choice should be respected. My concern, as someone who was a client advocate at a Pregnancy Care Center, is that women will be able to fully respect themselves after making their choice...whichever choice that is. Abortion is an option, yes...but it is only one option of many. So, let's see what we have here:
When a woman has an abortion there will always be one dead and one wounded. This is 100% predictable.
It's sort of like abstinence in that respect: It is always 100% predictable that abstinence will prevent a woman from becoming pregnant. Abortion will certainly prevent her from remaining pregnant, but it is 100% predictable that a pregnancy which has already begun, must be terminated in that case. It is also 100% predictable that screaming infants do grow up...and often all too quickly (just ask any parent whose kids are now grown). Pregnancy is very temporary, and so is childhood. Kids grow up...they learn to do things for themselves...they learn to use their indoor voice. Taking things 1 day at a time helps tasks believed once to be unmanageable...to be accomplished. I spoke with many parents, both moms and dad's who at one time were contemplating abortion as an option. For those who did not choose abortion, all were very glad that they did not. For those who chose abortion, many were regretful, some were haunted by the life that might've been, many were remorseful, and many wished that they had not made this choice, and were looking for emotional support.
In my opinion, often the mindset of a woman considering abortion is simply: "Outta sight, outta mind.". If she does not actually see what's inside her, then she won't have to think about it. Okay, I offer this: If she does not see what her baby looks like or how far along it is, how will she be able to make a choice about where she wants to go next? If she chooses to have an abortion, the pregnancy is no more, which means the baby is no more, and there will be no way that she can undo this. In other words, the choice has been made for her. The fact is that many women find that the temporary freedom they might've had after they experienced abortion simply was not worth the guilt, and the hurt, and the wondering what could've been. Every woman's story is different...but oftentimes, this never goes away. I've seen many wonderful ladies in tears over this very thing, saying "What do I do now?"
So, now...if she carries the baby to term, she will stay pregnant of course, but not forever. Eventually that baby comes and she can choose to start getting her waistline back. I point this out, because many women consider abortion because they are very afraid of pregnancy, and they also don't want the inconvenience of how it will change their bodies. But rest assured, these changes are temporary and fixable. If she carries to term, she can choose adoption. As someone who counseled clients I can tell you that many birth parents (both moms and dads) are petrified of adoption because of all the stereotypes attached to it. They associate adoption with the worst sort of abandonment possible. They say, "I could never do that.". Well, again, let's look at it...
With the option of open adoptions, birth parents can have a great deal of choices concerning the home their child is raised in, such as ethnicity, religious background, location, parenting, and deciding whether or not to remain in contact with their child. Birth parents can also decide whether or not their child can contact them as an adult. Parents can also opt to not know any details of their child's adoptive parents, and also choose a no contact option. The truth is, there are many many loving families out there...many of whom are not able to have babies of their own, who absolutely cannot wait to shower the most wonderful life on a child who needs it. To them, adoption is the most precious gift in the world. And kids who grow up with adoptive parents do not have huge signs on the front of them that say "I'm adopted," or "I'm different.". They bond with their adoptive parents and love them and lead perfectly normal lives. Adoption is also wonderful because many times, adoptive parents can provide a quality of life for children that their biological family is not able to. Finally, it's wonderful because adoption can allow birth parents who are unready to become parents, (teen girls, for example) the freedom to grow up, without the often regretful consequences of a loss of life.
Adoption is difficult for birth parents. This is true, because there is a separation; but with adoption, it's a parting that allows life to continue and flourish. Though the child does not remain with their birth parents, this is the most unselfish parenting decision birth parents can make. Abortion is difficult because it results in loss. There's the loss of a life, the loss of growth, the loss of possibility for the child, and it often leaves birth parents with a broken heart that is beyond anything they anticipated. And there is (of course) the option of parenting. Many parents to be sadly consider abortion because of financial hardships. But here as well, there are many options. One option is of course, a pregnancy care center. Pregnancy care centers offer all of their services free of charge including pregnancy tests, ultra sounds, parenting classes, maternity clothes, baby items, baby furniture (where available), and brand new, in the box, car seats. They also offer information on adoption and adoption agencies, doctor referrals, churches, and client advocates offer confidential counseling, and are happy to answer any questions. So that can be start at any rate. As I would say to many clients; financial situations change. They can be sticky for awhile and then get better. With abortion, the price can be too high to pay, depending on the after-affects.
Ladies and gentleman, this is what I call, pro choice, re-defined. Get all the options you possibly can so that you're able to make a choice that's best for you. This is empowerment. This allows people to have the freedom of many different options, so that they give themselves plenty of choices. Abortion often limits a persons options, or at least the understanding of those options, and encourages people to make their decisions based on the fear that a baby would most likely limit there freedom. But what I found over and over was that many women learned the hard way that the abortion was the most binding decision they ever made...and then the decision made them after that. Now, it's OKAY to be pro-choice if you want to; and I am not telling any woman not to have an abortion...nor did I ever do this as a counselor; that's not what we're trained for.
I'm simply saying that abortion often puts women in bondage that alters their lives; and they have no idea how to change this. Yet this option is the option that is labeled, or defined as "pro choice.". Add to this, the confusion of being politically correct... which has led many folks to consider themselves to be both.
This is a tough one, because while many women would never go through with an abortion themselves...how can they tell someone else not to. This is why I said at the beginning, a woman's views on the subject ought to be respected either way...but does she have all the information she needs to make the best choose possible so she can respect herself? I think abortion on the whole limits options and it limits freedom, not the other way around, while parenting is often thought of as a huge inconvenience and adoption thought of as cruel abandonment. This to me, is a very sad irony.
On a personal note, I'm unsure how anyone who's ever seen a baby smile, heard them laugh, pinched their little toes, heard them breathe when they sleep, or held their little head against their chest, being protective of a soft spot, could ever consider doing away with such a perfect precious thing, before he or she can come into the world But many to whom this was presented as a choice, now have a thorn in their conscience they cannot remove, and a heartache they were never designed to bear. To both the mom or dad that would have been...I extend a hug. I am so sorry. Know that God is a God of love and forgiveness, and he loves you. If you have that burden of abortion, he wants to take it and soothe your hurt...use it all for his glory. Come just as you are...cry out to him, because he cares for you. Give him your ashes, He'll show you beauty.
