Parents, get it together...Literally

Sometimes, when I'm on the web, reruns of Dr. Phil are on TV, and I am tuning in here and there. Today, there is a 14 year old girl on the show with her parents. This little sweetie dresses way too provocatively for her young age, and her parents are trying to convince her of that. They are also, literally pointing fingers at each other insisting that everything is the other parent's fault.

I stared at this girl's mom for a minute...and then at her daughter. The mother is wearing a black mini-dress with black leather boots that go just above her knees. She has on a red and black blazer that does have a conservative appearance to it...but seated on the stage, all I can see are her thighs in black nylons, the top of her boots and that blazer. Her dress is so short that when she's seated, the blazer hangs over it...and she looks like she doesn't have on half of her clothes.

Her 14 year old daughter, is ALSO wearing black boots, just above the knee, with a short, black (dress or skirt). Her nylons are beige, rather than black...but the point is, like mother like daughter! From the waist down, they are just about identical, and if what I'm saying sounds a bit immodest, it matches the way these two women look. In the course of the show, it has come out that this mother has bought this young girl thong underwear...HELLO?? That doesn't send a CONFUSING message??

We need to teach our children how to protect themselves, be responsible adults and STOP giving all their power away! I can't believe Dr. Phil hasn't said to this mother that her child is only copying the way that SHE is dressing! People, she's a TEENAGER!!! Teens are SUPPOSED to rebel and push, and test limits, and parents are supposed to SET those limits and stick to them. Do these parents love their children or themselves?? I see this father blaming the mother for everything going on and the mother blaming the father, while she's out buying her daughter thong underwear! In the meantime, this daughter gets to keep leaving the house looking like "bait" for some scumbag who has no qualms about feeling a false sense of power when he possibly rapes her, psychologically and physically making himself one with her, and possibly getting her pregnant. Tell me, what good will finger pointing do then??

Convenience?

I read and hear a lot of talk about the apostle Paul learning to be content in every circumstance. I just read another article about it online. As usual, something pricked the inside of me as I read. It was all about how (we) always have to have the latest thing that's out...whatever that is. We don't really NEED it...but we want it. (Be it make-up or clothes)... whatever. Great message. However I wonder what the apostle Paul himself might say today, if he heard that we (might be) having a bad day because...our Internet went out or, we need to have the AC in our car fixed.

Don't worry...I do not want to write this in order to compare our seemingly mundane struggles with that of a man who was beaten, whipped, thrown in prison and then left for dead, in order to prove a point, that (we, today) have no (good) reason to be discontent or unhappy. A person might be pretty well off, and enjoy many conveniences...but this does not mean that we should compare this person with the apostle Paul, as though there should never be any struggles in their life.

Sometimes things really hurt, and at the same time, they also need to be endured for a long time. The fact is, when these two realities are "meshed" together in our lives, we can feel abandoned, and betrayed, and needing to cry out to the Lord pleading with him about what he's doing in our lives. This is (most likely) not the same as being whipped, beaten and left for dead...true. But, I feel that to say that (we) always have to have the latest things, and we never seem to be satisfied...while often true...does not really even address what the APOSTLE PAUL actually MEANT, while the same comparison also seems to take people going through deep, legitimate hurts, and throw them under the bus as well. Each one of us has been "assigned" our own cup and portion in life...and this includes deep hurts, grieving, and crying out to G-d.

The fact is, waiting on the Lord often is very painful. This is because we reach a point where we are forced to FEEL that we truly can't do it anymore. It is then, that G-d "stretches" who we are...because we must take hold of his hand, and walk through it anyway. In other words, when we might feel something should be lifted (as it were) from our lives because it IS too much...G-d will seem to say that he is just getting started. This is painful. This is hard. There's only one person in the world destined to go through what the apostle Paul went through...and that was the apostle Paul himself. He was assigned HIS portion and HIS cup...and G-d did grant him the courage and grace he needed to get through it all. But I want to encourage you, my friend...never feel badly because you aren't the apostle Paul. Never give in to the "subliminal" message that says, you ought to beat yourself up, because you don't REQUIRE the amount of grace that the APOSTLE PAUL did...and yet, here you are complaining. Never think that you have no right to feel your feelings because the apostle PAUL mastered the art of being content...yet you can't. This is an unfair, unnecessary comparison. You are only yourself. This is your portion and your cup. You are the only person you need worry about being, and yes...sometimes it is...too much. You don't need to worry about feeling anything but what you feel.

Losing someone we love is difficult. Change is difficult. Having patience when we feel we are at the end of our rope is difficult. Illnesses and injuries are difficult. Grief is difficult. Waiting longer than we ever expected we would wait...is difficult. Sometimes we know we are down, and we wonder when we might ever be able to get back up. In my opinion, the problem often comes when we treat these profound struggles...as though they are nothing more than...the latest thing we think we have to have, but we have to do without it. This is an unfair comparison when there is an ache too deep to explain on the inside. None of us are the apostle Paul. But this is for those of us whose discontentedness stems from much more than just wanting to have the latest thing. Could it be, that no matter how deep our discontent is, we are encouraged at every turn to try and "medicate" it with the latest thing out there? Maybe this is why it seems we always think we have to have the latest...whatever. So, is this really why we are so discontent? Somehow, I'd doubt that.

By the way...how do we know that the apostle Paul DIDN'T have nights where he cried himself to sleep? How do we know he wasn't in despair beyond belief after being lashed and beaten? I would imagine it wasn't a picnic being chained up in prison for proclaiming Christ is Lord. Paul had a hard life, and he knew it. I'd say just because the scriptures themselves don't get further into that hardshp, does not mean that he did not feel anything, or that he did not go through enormous grief that was hard to comprehend. We tend to treat our deepest struggles like we are exchanging an outfit at the store, or heating something up in a microwave, I think. The human heart was never meant to function in such a way. Learning to be content in every circumstance, does not mean that there is no hardship and that nothing hurts. And the apostle Paul was just as human as we all are. Hang in there, little lamb...you're going to be okay! :))

The Contract: Trust

Do you want to tell me how unemotional you are, because I would've liked you otherwise? I don't know.

Integrity: I won't let my behavior change because someone's status in my life changes.
I don't have the right to think: "You're REALLY close to me now, therefore you have to put up with me messing you around.
If I tell you I will do something, I mean it. I will do everything I can to make it happen, and if something happens that is beyond my control, I'll tell you right away.
This is what I would want...it's only right.
Being a lady or a gentleman: Never willfully, intentionally causing offense to someone else.
This is my promise.
This is something that defines me.

My opinions are strong & outspoken...but there are always other possibilities.
I will listen to them & be respectful.

You are not responsible for my personal happiness.
Just follow through with what you say you will do.
I will not manipulate in order to gain something in the end.
This is not what I would want.
I won't do it to you.

This is not to tell you that I'm selfless. I am not... No one is.
I have needs and I want them met...as do you.
I'd like to think that by letting you be, and meeting your needs,
I'll be happy in the end too.
I will not give myself up for you.
Why would you respect me, if I resented myself?
(But then to tell you that I did this for you, and expect a reward??)
No thank you!
I am who I am. I won't lie to you. So don't do it to me. Fair enough?
But if you do, I promise you, I will not allow it in my life.
This would tell you that your treatment is okay.
I will not make a liar out of myself.


I won't accept you into my life on the basis of you changing yourself.
This does not work.
I will not pick up the crumbs that you have dropped at the table of your life
And then expect you to be grateful to me.
Bologna!
I want the HEAD of the table!...I know it, and so do you...right?
I'll give it over to you...if I'm sure you would die for me...why not?
Otherwise the risk to me is too great.

My greatest wish: Depends on who the person is. But in general, I hope you're thinking of me.
Sure. I like attention and praise, why not?
So why would I make you run from me?
I won't chase you away and then get angry & hysterical when you don't come back.

Gossip, I hate.
What other people think of me is none of my business.
so leave it be.
If I drag you through my drama; it's only for release...catharsis maybe...but gossip is not cool.
I wouldn't want you to do that to me...so I won't do it to you.

"I would never want to belong to a club that would have someone like me for a member."
Woody Allen said that...not me. And I promise you, I never will.
I will love myself, and enjoy my company, so that whether you are around or not...I will stand.
This is trust. It is what I will give. It is what I want back.
Fair enough?

CES (C) 2016.

Okay There I've Written About It :))

To write about it...or not to write about it?

I've struggled with this for awhile. But I just saw an article on "The Mighty" about the same thing, so, I think I should write about it...

When I saw the movie "Forrest Gump," my mouth dropped...I was stunned. He was fitted for braces, and I thought, "There's something I know a lot about!" I had never before seen that in a movie though. His foot got stuck in that drain, and his mom had to keep him balanced while she dug it out.

"Well, what are y'all strain' at? Haven't you ever seen a little boy with braces on his legs before?"

But the most familiar scenario to me, was the bus. He walked the isle, and kept going as students leaned over the empty space, making faces...looking for that one kind heart. Of course, he finds it in Jenny...

"You can sit here if you want."

I have mentioned before that when online, I stay away from talk about my disability because that's the place where no one has to see it, or know anything about it. In Forrest Gump, his condition is never given a name (to my knowledge); but when he miraculously manages to outrun that truck with those bullies in it, and his braces come off, piece by piece, we no longer care! We know, from that moment on the he is going to be ALRIGHT!!

Okay...I have Cerebral Palsy. I've had it since birth, which I believe is the case with most folks who have it. So, in short, I am no stranger to people asking me "What's wrong with your knee?" This is because one side of me is weaker than the other. I actually have "quite a good gait" according to doctors who've looked at me. The short version is, I walk with a limp, that often simply makes me appear as though one of my knees hurts. It's really not so bad...it just makes some folks wonder if I've hurt myself. As a kid, I wore braces. They were NOT like the ones in "Forrest Gump.". But on the other hand, they were not too far off: leather shoes with a bar screwed in to each side. The tops were just under the knee, metal, but with leather and Velcro on the outside. The shoes themselves with their groovy, gold laces actually looked pretty nice with a pair of pants, or my favorite jeans. But I couldn't hide the screws on each side of the shoes...so I would still get stares, and people always asking me what they were...what they were for...

So, the most common question people ask is, "What is it?" What is Cerebral Palsy, or CP? Well, I'll explain it the simplest way I can think of: it is muscle weakness, caused by damage to the brain, due to a lack of oxygen, usually at birth. Cerebral Palsy varies greatly, from mild to severe...and I'm sure that since I was born, there is MUCH new terminology that I don't even know about, and CP is now categorized (I think) differently than it was when I was a child. My CP is mild. I've even had doctors tell me that they never would've known I had it, if I'd not told them. Of course, then, they get a look at my flat feet and test my reflexes, and they know. But how to really explain it to someone who just isn't familiar with it? Wow. Obviously, I can only relate my personal experiences...and as I said, it varies greatly.

My mom used to tell me that I learned to walk when I should've talked, and talk when I should've walked. Translation: Most children are crawling around at about nine months, and they typically start walking around a year to fifteen months old...somewhere in that time period. In their first year, they might learn to roll over, pull themselves up, things like that. Most children start talking at about a year and a half (saying words) here and there, rather than just babbling...and then their vocabulary gradually progresses each year. So, it's like this: I've done everything backwards. I've DONE it! That's the important thing...I've done it. But I've done it my own way, and at my own pace.

Mom wrote in my baby book that at two years old, I had the vocabulary of a four year old. Apparently, I did not have a first word...this is because I just started saying sentences. And singing! I would sing EVERYTHING...and I still do today. It's almost like there's a part of my mind that just does not shut off. I TALK all the time...even more when there's no one around than when there are people around. For this reason, it was AMAZING when I began talking to G-d when I was around seven or eight...because there IS someone there...and HE listens to me like no other! (So there!!). But, at two and a half, I still could not stand on my own, and walk. With a baby walker, I could go all over! (Look out!!). But could not stand on my own and walk, let alone run, like most kids are able to at that age.

I was fitted with my first pair of glasses when I was about a year old. How a doctor even figures a kid's prescription at that age, I have no idea! It's not like you can just tell the doctor whether it's clear or blurry. I didn't learn to talk THAT early! :)). As a kid I went to schools that were for kids with disabilities and I LOVED them, because it did not matter how different someone was...everybody there was different! So we were all able to be different together. Anyway, one of the tell-tale signs of CP, is usually, a delay in what's called developmental milestones. It was known that I had CP at birth...but what can make this difficult to handle, is not knowing how a kid's development will end up being affected until they begin to grow and change.

With me...I had (and have) weak muscles, especially in the legs, weak ankles and really poor balance. I've always had visual, and spatial difficulties, which have affected my depth perception. Anyway, with these kinds of muscle weaknesses, the worry is, that rather than the muscles developing normally, they will atrophy and begin to shrink up. This is the reason for the braces and casts (which I also wore, from the time I was only a toddler.) I'm thankful now, because this helped my legs and back to stay straight. In my case, there is no spinal abnormality or curving...though I've observed many with CP who do deal with these difficulties. In school, my P.E. always had to be adapted because...well, let's just say, I was never the type who could run the mile. I did (and still do) become winded very easily. I've never needed an inhaler or anything...but exercise and strenuous physical activity makes me easily loose my breath and need a break. Some days, I get bursts of energy & can do lot's of thngs. Other days...this is not happening. As a kid, I did run, amazingly...but could not do it like the other kids did it. I don't run now, because I simply become winded too easily. But, this is not because the CP has gotten worse. Fortunately, my condition does not progress and it is not genetic (something else I've been asked a lot.). It's because my muscles don't get the exercise they need in the first place. (Now, it's out). Anyway, I'm the kind of person who would really benefit from permanent physical therapy. This is because, I would then learn how to build strength & endurance...but without hurting myself. The problem is, unless you're injured in some way, you can't just get physical therapy, and once the injury is better, your therapy stops.

With CP, even a little bit of physical strain can be painful. Example: I bought myself a trampoline with a balance bar to get some extra exercise. I then made the mistake of jumping on it (not strenuously) but jumping on it, without any stretching first. (You live and you learn). Because of the physical therapy & the stretching & strengthening classes I've had, I should've known better than this. To say the truth, I was so excited to get that trampoline, that I just started jumping on it!

So, soon after, I walked out my front door one day and as soon as my feet hit the cement, I felt this shooting pain down both my legs. Not a pulled muscle, but definitely strained. It took about two weeks for my muscles to "rest," adapt, and then get stronger. This may sound like a long time, but when your muscles are weaker than they should be due to a neurological condition, things happen. Coupled with horrible balance, I was afraid to walk for awhile without leaning on anything. With a lot of pain pills, ice, heat, and then slowly getting up, grabbing onto furniture, I was able to again walk like I had before, but in the course of getting back to normal, I began to feel as though I had a very serious injury. I didn't, I was okay. But my body took a while to bounce back, if you will.

Sheer irony: I can walk very well, and very quickly... but the slightest little thing can throw me off balance and I can fall. My body does not absorb shock well, so even the slightest "bump" can take me to the ground. This is, to say the least, frustrating!! By the grace of G-d, I have never broken a bone, but good grief, I have gotten SO MANY scrapes, bumps, bruises, bloody knees, bloody elbows, a black eye a couple times. I've had to sit with ice on some part of me more times than I can count. I've broken glasses, bumped my head (no concussions), and ended up wrecking things I was carrying...all because of, a raise in the sidewalk, or tree roots, a track, for a sliding glass door, a change in surface on the ground, slippery pavement, holes in the ground...you name it. It's actually not quite as horrible as it sounds; usually, all I need is a hand, or someone to lean on. At the age of six, my family went on a trip to the beach, and walking around in all that thick, slippery, sticky sand made my little ankles so sore, it was hard for me to walk period, after a while. A relative had to carry me around towards the end of the trip. I'm pleased to say, that this odd thing has not happened to me again since that trip...but my little legs got quite a work out! For the record, I LOVE going to the beach, it's awesome!

At fifteen, I had surgery on my weaker side, in order to help me get that heel all the way on the floor, and hopefully improve my gait. It worked. I went to a family reunion and a relative who'd not seen me since I was very small came up to me and said;

"We got you all straightened out, didn't we?"

When I was in my late twenties I had surgery to correct a wandering eye. My eye doctor even asked me if I was aware that this was (part of) the reason I was falling (because my eyes didn't know where to go), she said. I told her yes. Though the surgery was not purely cosmetic...I was assured, that I was beautiful girl, and would look better still when this problem was corrected. She was right. :)). I did not want to have the surgery, but now Zi am very pleased that I did. Another fear conquered!

When you sometimes can't walk without getting winded...and then you begin dating someone who's a runner...it really puts things into perspective quickly! I never realized how insecure I was!

He could run like the wind. One time, I was on a bus that he was supposed to be on with me...He thought he had a few more minutes, but the bus took off early. I pushed the button, so the bus would pull over at the closest stop, planning to just start walking back...thinking we would meet in between. I stood up to get off, and...there he was! He ran, and made it to the next bus stop at the same time the BUS made it there!! Now that's FAST! To me, that was beyond fast. Looking back, I know the sad thing was that all I could do was get embarrassed when he got on the bus. This was because everyone was staring at him wondering if he was alright. Poor guy! He was alright, but winded and worn out beyond belief (at least to me). He was sweating and could barely stand up. In truth, this scared me. (Someone who falls at the drop of a hat and gets winded just taking out the trash...oh yes!!) But in truth, I just acted like what he did was not necessary. I wondered why he was calling attention to himself.

I didn't get it. One time, he ran a race and broke his toe in the process. He FINISHED the race with that broken toe, collapsed and then had to go to the hospital. He called me that night after he was home and told me what had happened. I had not been watching him that day, and I won't lie...I'm glad I was not. I would not've handled that well. But he needed me. He needed me that day. He knew that it was not that I did not come deliberately...but then while he was on the phone with me, he had to listen to me going on and on about why I wished he wouldn't run! Poor guy! Even when he needed my support, still out of breath, he said;

"If it makes you feel any better, I was thinking of you the whole time."

Another time, when I did go to watch him race, at the end, I was down on the field to see what I could do, if anything. He was exhausted and almost fell to the ground, while his mother grabbed him by one arm and put it around her shoulders. I walked with both of them...suddenly realizing that if this man I loved, who was over six feet tall put his weight on me...I would also fall, unable to balance myself, or hold (even half of him) up. He was very careful of me. As exhausted as he was, he would not put any weight on me, not wanting to hurt me! His mother, meanwhile...gave me this look, like, "Move out of the way, you're only making this harder.". He sat down, and cooled off...thanking me for coming. I felt like crying. I felt so low...like I could not do anything for him when he needed me the most. It was awful.

What I was going through (I realize now) was twofold...Not only did I not think he SHOULD push the limits like he did (he had some other scary things happen I won't go into), but I knew deep down, that I never COULD. I never could do that...not even close. I come from a world of "Don't fall!". "Don't trip!". "Be careful, it's steep. "Slow down before you hurt yourself!"... Things like that. Not only could I never test the limits like that myself...I apparently could not help my best friend do it either! This was so awful. It was awful, and it made me angry. I was angry with myself for being weak, angry with G-d for allowing me to be so.

My love (at the time) never thought any less of me. I had other abilities and that was fine. There were things I was good at that he was not...just like with anyone. But unfortunately, this logic was not enough for me. Was I actually resentful of him because he was so good at doing something I was not? Unfortunately yes. When I was at that race, for example...he was just glad I was THERE. He didn't care one little bit that I could not carry any of his weight (if you will). But I sure did!! I felt like I was not enough, somehow. Not his fault...not at all. I was jealous...because my body would not even let me TRY those things. It's not that I have any insatiable desire to run a race with a broken toe (no thank you)!! But my body could get worn out, just WALKING, the way his did when he ran like the wind. An example would be a time I went on a day trip with a group from church. We knew we had to take our train home, but wanted to get some dinner first. This was a walk...quite a walk...and we had to hurry! I was not going to stay behind and wait, I wanted some dinner! So, I went with the small group, having no idea how far it actually was. I forced myself to stay ahead, and kept going, but MAN, was I getting tired! Tired, winded, needing water. We got to the restaurant, and I stood leaning against the door, wanting to hide my now reddish-purple face. My friend said to me: "Tina, you didn't have to walk all that way. You could've stayed there & waited for us, and I could've brought you something". This was true. I could've just walked straight to where the train would pick us up and waited. My dinner would've been brought to me. But we all have moments when we need to say to ourselves "Yes, but look what I did!". This would be just like my friend when he ran like the wind. (I just had an epiphany). So, here, I was...worn out, like I'd just run a marathon...grateful that there was a long line, because I needed to sit down & catch my breath. Fortunately, I did. We walked the distance back and then continued on to where our train was. So the journey back was longer still...and I was still a bit winded from the walk getting there. But, I made it to the train...was helped on, and stumbled down the isle to my seat. For, me it was the kind of tired that dries out the mouth, the eyes...everything. But...I DID IT!!!

I leaned forward and rested my arms & my head, on the seat in front of me...still breathing like I was running, but no longer concerned, because I was in my seat, on the train, with my dinner, and we were headed home. Mission accomplished! Accept for one thing...my 'condition" at the time, concerned the lady who took the seat next to mine. She asked me if I was alright several times, became alarmed when she saw my purple face, and offered to rub my neck & shoulders. (This was nice of her, but I'd never met this person before in my life). All I wanted was for her to not worry about me, and not point out what did not look so good, cause all I needed was some rest. Kinda like my guy on the phone that night...though I didn't know it at the time.

All he wanted (I'm sure) was for me to be proud of him. Unfortunately, when you're jealous of someone (for whatever reason) you don't give them what they want (or need). So, while some of this actually has nothing to do with CP (as we call it),a disability affects the way we see the world...and it can be painful sometimes when another's skill or ability seems to "dim" the light of our efforts just to do a personal best...because maybe we're no good at competition. In English, I'm sure this is called a spoiled sport (because not everybody is good at the same things). But anyway. Imagine you start exercising after not having done it for awhile. You strain yourself, and the next day, you really feel it. It's not serious, but you're sore & tired. This is about what it's like for me on a normal day, having mild CP. Sore & tired...some days better than others...and the "spoon theory" applies to my energy. Translation: when I say "I'm low on spoons today" I mean it! But I surprise myself!...all the time...and I'm sure I will surprise you too! G-d gives us grace to go through things, and while I might only do 2 things while someone else does 10...maybe the 2 is all I need. Incidentally, did I mention, no more braces and no more casts? (Not since I had that surgery at 15...and that brace came off earlier than expected!

Choices?

Why is it that if someone is considered pro-life, then they are not considered pro-choice? What if the most important decision a woman can make is to give her baby life? To me, these things go hand in hand. Now not everyone agrees with this...and that's alright. It is true...everyone needs to make their own choice, and that choice should be respected. My concern, as someone who was a client advocate at a Pregnancy Care Center, is that women will be able to fully respect themselves after making their choice...whichever choice that is. Abortion is an option, yes...but it is only one option of many. So, let's see what we have here:

When a woman has an abortion there will always be one dead and one wounded. This is 100% predictable.
It's sort of like abstinence in that respect: It is always 100% predictable that abstinence will prevent a woman from becoming pregnant. Abortion will certainly prevent her from remaining pregnant, but it is 100% predictable that a pregnancy which has already begun, must be terminated in that case. It is also 100% predictable that screaming infants do grow up...and often all too quickly (just ask any parent whose kids are now grown). Pregnancy is very temporary, and so is childhood. Kids grow up...they learn to do things for themselves...they learn to use their indoor voice. Taking things 1 day at a time helps tasks believed once to be unmanageable...to be accomplished. I spoke with many parents, both moms and dad's who at one time were contemplating abortion as an option. For those who did not choose abortion, all were very glad that they did not. For those who chose abortion, many were regretful, some were haunted by the life that might've been, many were remorseful, and many wished that they had not made this choice, and were looking for emotional support.

In my opinion, often the mindset of a woman considering abortion is simply: "Outta sight, outta mind.". If she does not actually see what's inside her, then she won't have to think about it. Okay, I offer this: If she does not see what her baby looks like or how far along it is, how will she be able to make a choice about where she wants to go next? If she chooses to have an abortion, the pregnancy is no more, which means the baby is no more, and there will be no way that she can undo this. In other words, the choice has been made for her. The fact is that many women find that the temporary freedom they might've had after they experienced abortion simply was not worth the guilt, and the hurt, and the wondering what could've been. Every woman's story is different...but oftentimes, this never goes away. I've seen many wonderful ladies in tears over this very thing, saying "What do I do now?"

So, now...if she carries the baby to term, she will stay pregnant of course, but not forever. Eventually that baby comes and she can choose to start getting her waistline back. I point this out, because many women consider abortion because they are very afraid of pregnancy, and they also don't want the inconvenience of how it will change their bodies. But rest assured, these changes are temporary and fixable. If she carries to term, she can choose adoption. As someone who counseled clients I can tell you that many birth parents (both moms and dads) are petrified of adoption because of all the stereotypes attached to it. They associate adoption with the worst sort of abandonment possible. They say, "I could never do that.". Well, again, let's look at it...

With the option of open adoptions, birth parents can have a great deal of choices concerning the home their child is raised in, such as ethnicity, religious background, location, parenting, and deciding whether or not to remain in contact with their child. Birth parents can also decide whether or not their child can contact them as an adult. Parents can also opt to not know any details of their child's adoptive parents, and also choose a no contact option. The truth is, there are many many loving families out there...many of whom are not able to have babies of their own, who absolutely cannot wait to shower the most wonderful life on a child who needs it. To them, adoption is the most precious gift in the world. And kids who grow up with adoptive parents do not have huge signs on the front of them that say "I'm adopted," or "I'm different.". They bond with their adoptive parents and love them and lead perfectly normal lives. Adoption is also wonderful because many times, adoptive parents can provide a quality of life for children that their biological family is not able to. Finally, it's wonderful because adoption can allow birth parents who are unready to become parents, (teen girls, for example) the freedom to grow up, without the often regretful consequences of a loss of life.

Adoption is difficult for birth parents. This is true, because there is a separation; but with adoption, it's a parting that allows life to continue and flourish. Though the child does not remain with their birth parents, this is the most unselfish parenting decision birth parents can make. Abortion is difficult because it results in loss. There's the loss of a life, the loss of growth, the loss of possibility for the child, and it often leaves birth parents with a broken heart that is beyond anything they anticipated. And there is (of course) the option of parenting. Many parents to be sadly consider abortion because of financial hardships. But here as well, there are many options. One option is of course, a pregnancy care center. Pregnancy care centers offer all of their services free of charge including pregnancy tests, ultra sounds, parenting classes, maternity clothes, baby items, baby furniture (where available), and brand new, in the box, car seats. They also offer information on adoption and adoption agencies, doctor referrals, churches, and client advocates offer confidential counseling, and are happy to answer any questions. So that can be start at any rate. As I would say to many clients; financial situations change. They can be sticky for awhile and then get better. With abortion, the price can be too high to pay, depending on the after-affects.

Ladies and gentleman, this is what I call, pro choice, re-defined. Get all the options you possibly can so that you're able to make a choice that's best for you. This is empowerment. This allows people to have the freedom of many different options, so that they give themselves plenty of choices. Abortion often limits a persons options, or at least the understanding of those options, and encourages people to make their decisions based on the fear that a baby would most likely limit there freedom. But what I found over and over was that many women learned the hard way that the abortion was the most binding decision they ever made...and then the decision made them after that. Now, it's OKAY to be pro-choice if you want to; and I am not telling any woman not to have an abortion...nor did I ever do this as a counselor; that's not what we're trained for.

I'm simply saying that abortion often puts women in bondage that alters their lives; and they have no idea how to change this. Yet this option is the option that is labeled, or defined as "pro choice.". Add to this, the confusion of being politically correct... which has led many folks to consider themselves to be both.
This is a tough one, because while many women would never go through with an abortion themselves...how can they tell someone else not to. This is why I said at the beginning, a woman's views on the subject ought to be respected either way...but does she have all the information she needs to make the best choose possible so she can respect herself? I think abortion on the whole limits options and it limits freedom, not the other way around, while parenting is often thought of as a huge inconvenience and adoption thought of as cruel abandonment. This to me, is a very sad irony.

On a personal note, I'm unsure how anyone who's ever seen a baby smile, heard them laugh, pinched their little toes, heard them breathe when they sleep, or held their little head against their chest, being protective of a soft spot, could ever consider doing away with such a perfect precious thing, before he or she can come into the world But many to whom this was presented as a choice, now have a thorn in their conscience they cannot remove, and a heartache they were never designed to bear. To both the mom or dad that would have been...I extend a hug. I am so sorry. Know that God is a God of love and forgiveness, and he loves you. If you have that burden of abortion, he wants to take it and soothe your hurt...use it all for his glory. Come just as you are...cry out to him, because he cares for you. Give him your ashes, He'll show you beauty.