Magic

I remember hearing a story about actress Natalie Wood when she was filming the movie "Miracle on 34th Street.". At the time, Wood was only eight or nine. During the course of filming, she really believed that character actor Edmond Gwen really was Santa, with his white hair and beard...("Oh, go ahead, pull it."). When filming wrapped and the cast came together for a party, Gwen had shaved his head and also his white beard. He showed up at the party as a normal guy... Not Santa Claus. Apparently, little Natalie was crushed because she'd truly come to believe that Gwen really was Santa. But he wasn't.

I remember feeling so bad. What a rotten way for her to find out! This was supposed to be a writing about victory.... But it's actually rather depressing. So, what is the point of that? Childlike belief made Santa Claus real not only to Susan (in the movie), but to Natalie herself. This is how belief in Jesus works. Our childlike faith makes him real to us. And the wonderful part is, we never have to find out that Jesus is just an actor! Now, the Christian life is a serious thing, but the wonderful mystery of Christ, is that he's the one who makes it possible to Know God without having all our ducks in a row. It's amazing because the whole "Miracle" story is representative of Christ. Here you have this little girl, whose mother is diligently trying to raise to be an adult. So, in sincere attempt to do this, she has attempted to do away with anything make believe or childlike. As she herself words it:

"by filling them full of fairy tales, they grow up considering life a fantasy
instead of a reality. They keep waiting for Prince Charming to come along, and
and when he does, he turns out to be a--"

At this point, Fred Gaylee has to say:

"We were talking about Suzy, here, not about you."

Doris (Susan's mom) is in charge of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. At the end, of course is always jolly old St. Nick. So, Susan sits in Mr. Gaylee's apartment and explains how each balloon has been changed from last year's parade to reflect this year's characters. Of course Mr. Gaylee makes his remark about the baseball player (balloon) is a "giant". Mother's firmly planted defenses come to light when Suzy gives her answer:

"Not really-- there are no giants Mr. Gaylee. People sometimes grow very big, but that's normal."

It is at this point that we learn that Suzy does not know any fairy tales and does not believe in Santa Claus. Now, there's nothing wrong with her rather "literal" answers, but the point is that Mr. Gaylee wasn't talking about real Giants, he was using that word to describe the balloon. But Suzy's inability to pretend or imagine wouldn't let her know that.
So later, when Mr. Kringle comes to work at Macy's, he finds out that Suzy never plays any games with the other kids in her apartment building.

"I don't play much with them. They play silly games."

Suzy then tells the story of the kids playing zoo and pretending to be animals. Kris tells her that the other children were only children, and they were pretending to be animals. It is then that Kris gives Suzy her first lesson in pretending. He shows her how to let her arms hang loose and be a monkey. For a few glorious moments, Suzy forgets how serious she was being and genuinely enjoys nothing but play. Suddenly, nothing is expected of her and she does not have to come up with an answer for anything. During the filming of the movie, Natalie got to believe that Santa Claus existed for a while. Sure, that part of the story has a sad ending, but even the sad things in life are meant to teach us something.

All I'm really trying to say, is that sometimes we just have to take a chance and believe. We can't wait until we have all our ducks in a row... Because they never will be. The best things in life usually have no manual or philosophy or rules. In these cases we have to use our own imaginations, and... Make it up as we go! I'm not talking about being uncaring. I just think that as hard as we work to keep all bad things out, the flip side is that we're not allowing anything good in either. I think it really is like Mr. Gaylee says:

"Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to.".

I'm just so thankful to God that my life is full of magical little moments; moments that are sort of like when Suzy got to pull Santa's beard, she see's that it's real! For one moment, a childlike joy fills her eyes, and she has her first evidence that...it might be true!! :). The same is true for our faith. God can take the absolute smallest speck of it... And water it with his love and make it grow! Little things... Perhaps things that don't seem to mean anything at the time;

A DJ on the radio, a you Tube video, a piece of mail, or an instant message, a visit from a friend, plans that are cancelled (maybe what you end up doing is more important). But there comes a turning point, and something changes. Somehow, a light goes on, and you're different than you were before. I suspect your life is full of them too... Of course! All these moments put together create some kind of magic. We can't explain it... But it's there! That "magic" is God... saying ...

"I'm here. And I love you!"

I'll bet somewhere inside you, there is a mustard seed...something that still believes...in magic!

Ask God to water it for you.

Take care my friend.

The Dating Thing

The last boyfriend I had, I had graduated high school, but barely. Now I'm in my mid thirties and have not been in a relationship since. I didn't plan it this way. It's not like I woke up one morning and decide to just never date anyone else. Then again, maybe I did...I don't know. Maybe unconsciously, I decided when that break up happened that I never really wanted anyone else and that's exactly what happened. I don't know...I think there's a vibe we send out. Sometimes I try to change mine, but it doesn't seem to work... I just am who I am. I'm proud of who I am but something is keeping guys away. I've been wondering what that is. Is it my intensity? Is it that I seem easily upset? I try not to, but, well you know how it is when you try not to do something! :)

There's only one guy I've ever wanted to be with anyway (whoever he is). I just wanted to meet the guy I was supposed to marry and stay with him forever... The end. (Some people do that, ya know!). Anyway, it hasn't happened yet! :). Sometimes this relieves me and sometimes it scares me. Sometimes I honestly think there is something really wrong with me. I really was in love with my high school sweetheart. I really thought I wanted to marry him. When we abruptly broke up, it was like it took a chunk of my soul away. I hurt bad for a long time. It seemed even when I didn't want to hurt anymore over him, I still did. I began to seriously wonder if something was wrong with me. Other people got over each other, right?

So, all these years later, I'm still single. I could be politically correct and tell you that there's nothing wrong with being single. But I'd rather not. I feel in my bones that I'm supposed to be with someone, and as long as he isn't with me, this is like a missing peace from my life... And that hurts. This is how I honestly feel about it, and I don't know how else to put it. This is not really a married or single thing, it's just a me thing. Anyway, ladies be proud of who you are whether you're married or single. :). Anyway, the whole dating thing kinda sucks for me because there's too much anxiety involved. What a roller coaster! You get your hopes up thinking this might be THE one, and then they crash (because he obviously wasn't). Who needs that? Yeah, you gotta get to know somebody, but why does it need to be "set up"? Why can't you just get to know somebody? I mean, if someone goes on a date & that works for them, that's great. I'm just saying I do things a little differently. If you are in love with somebody, why can't you just tell them? Is it wrong for women to do this or not? I've heard so much about how guys need to make that first move. I'm still waiting... That's why I'm wondering... Is it okay to just tell a guy how you feel or not? Will he not respect you once you do? If I wait for him to do it it might never happen! (I've had GUYS tell me this before!)

Strange. There are no rules, yet there are a whole bunch of written rules that no one can ever really teach you. How are you supposed to know what to do? Can you count on the guy to know what to do? (I've been told no, by both girls & guys). I'm so confused. I thought I was pretty good at "reading" people, but evidently not! Angles groups don't help. My one major experience with a singles group was a painful one... And I never want it repeated. I really fell for one of the guys there. I thought I was supposed to be with him... That we were divinely meant for ach other, and then I found out that he was interested in my friend instead. No one ever told me about it. I felt so betrayed. My "friend" and I don't speak to this day because we have no idea what to say to each other. I've prayed and hoped for the best for a long time... And it doesn't seem to be enough. I'm sad to say that. Di I wanna say that God is not enough? No. But I think he wants me to go through this for some reason. It's like I'm supposed to question all this and find it out... And blog about it. The blogs are great... But in the end, I want a really sweet guy too! :) :)

The Song of Songs

The Song of Songs, which is Solomons:

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for thy love is better than wine.

Because of the savor of thy good ointments, thy name is as ointment poured forth, therefore, do the virgins love thee. Draw me; we will run after thee: the King hath brought me into his chambers.

We will be glad, and rejoice in thee, we will remember thy love more than wine: the upright love thee; I am black, but comely

Where can I get the courage to live the life God wants me to live?

Really. This is not a rhetorical question.

How do i stop measuring my life based on what I DON'T have?

What do I mean?

I'm 34...I have no job, no car, no husband.

Depressed yet?, because I am already.

I'd checked the Facebook page of a friend I had since Kindergarden, and she'd posted the status:

"Missing my love :("

I'll admit, I got a twinge of jealousy.
I have no love to miss. I can dream about him, which is nice, but I have no love to miss.
I've always ached somehow because of this.
The truth is, I'm not happy with my life the way t is, and i don't know how to say that I am.
I'm not here to say that a husband would magically fix that.
I know God knows what's best for me, and if singleness is a gift, I do wish I could accept it as such.
I remember back when i was in high school, my dad encouraging me to try to get my disability money.
"You qualify for it, he would say, you should try and get it."
So, I did, and, about six years later, I got it. I ws proud of myself, like I had a sense of accomplishment. But now, about 12 years later, I just feel burned out... on nothing. That's the weird part: I always seem to be asking myself
"What have I done with all this time?"

I'm always writing things that never seem to get finished.
They're always "in process" or "in transition."
For about five years, I was a client advocate at a pregnancy care center, and helped may women struggling with unplanned pregnancies.

I developed a tender spot for the teen girls who were having sex just so some young kid would stay with them. (When you're that age, you don't think you're a kid, ya know). Then they would come to me, thinking a baby was on the way...scared to death. (What do I do?) If they weren't pregnant, could tell them that they could now turn this around and require more of themselves (and the men they allowed to steal these little pieces of their hearts).

If they were pregnanat, I could assure them that God was with them and show them Psalm 139. Give them the kleenex box, and answer any questions they had. I saw many women get saved right there in the counseling room. It was an AMAZING thing to be able to do! But what did I do?
I reasoned that it wasn't "significant" enough because it was only two days a week and it was "volunteer" Translation: This wasn't a real job. We had a dress code, we all had name badges and I still reasoned that this wasn't a real job because there was no "paycheck." However I would look at it, this crippling inadequacy would "choke" me.
My dad always said to me, that I didn't really want a car as bad as I thought because once I got one, all I would do is pour money into it. I've seen him and my mom and my siblings all get sick of "pouring money" into vehicles they could never seem to pay off, only to have them fall apart, and them have to buy another one and start all over.
Is this difficulty that I've been spared? I suppose so, but I've never known the difference. All I've seemed to do is complain that waiting for the bus in the summer really bites, and then be embarressed when I need to be picked up or dropped off somewhere. The Lord has always provide for me in this way, and I've developed some awesome relationships too. But this was never enough for me. I always felt inadequette bwcause I couldn't do 80 on the freeway blasting Bob Sieger ("Roll Me Away"). Why couldn't I make car payments and insurance payments, and get gas every few days, and pay (how much?) when I need new breaks? Now, do I look at it this way? Of course not...I think it all boils down to "Why couldn't I be more like (what I felt was) everybody else?"
I had a friend once tell me that my tasking the bus everywhere and walking was independence too (and not to forget that). But this wasn't enough for me. I just got upset because I couldn't get up in the morning and drive myself to work.

Proper Ladies & Gentleman (Cont.)

"Well, I must've missed the passage in Emily Post that says 'All abuse is heaped on the mother of the bride.'" Well, okay, that's just a quote from the incredibly funny movie "Steel Magnolias. But speaking o Emily Post, does anon even know who she is today? She wrote the book (literally) on etiquette. What is etiquette? I don't know... That's the thing. I'd have to look the word up in the dictionary before I could tell you what it means. I just remember always believing that etiquette would be something I'd never have any use for. Etiquette meant knowing which fork to pick up during a very fancy, multiple course meal, or folding your pretty cloth napkin correctly (the one you went outside & blew your nose on). :) Well goodness...we live in world of paper plates, napkins & cups. My family eats dinner sitting on the living room sofa in front of the TV, while texting on their phone--as I know many people do. We've never had the sort of lifestyle that would give us the need for multiple forks and cloth napkins. :). But anyway, etiquette means so much more than that...and I have a feeling it's sorta like history. When I was required to learn about it in school, I could not have cared less...because I couldn't see why it was important. To me, these were just a bunch of events that had already happened, so why were we going over them now... Again?? Maybe etiquette is the same way. I can address someone (for example) any way I want, so why is it important (anyway, whose to say) what is the proper way to address certain people? But I've been thinking about this idea that I've talked about earlier in the blog of being "proper ladies and gentleman.". No I'm not thinking anything along the lines of eighteenth century British Aristocrasy. I'm speaking of simply being as well mannered as possible, gentle, kind, self controlled. So, I believe another look at the Biblical fruits of the spirit is in order as well. :). It would seem to me that (simply put), etiquette is a set of rules that teach us how to behave ourselves. However, right there is that ugly R word that most people (myself included) do not like. This is why, many people probably stay away from etiquette, (if they know what it is) :). Anyway, I want to look further into the subject...

Again...Simple

I know there is no list one can go by when comes to the whole guys and girls thing.
I think it's a good idea to just know that everyone has preferences... And try to know what they are.
Some of mine are like Pepsi, not Cke
Jewel tones... Not pastels (the jewel tones are the darker colors that really stand out.
CClassical music...no opera. (unless it's "Phantom of the Opera". This is the one opera that Iactually like & understand the story. No, I won't drag you to see it.
I never go to the movies just to see anything...There has to be some emotional attachment to it. The subject matter...the actors in it. I watCh preveiws and if I don't like them, then I don't go see the movie.
I have no objections to taking a huge purse having all our munchies in there...but every once in a while, if feels good to blow money on the movie theater popcorn...Yum
But hey...these are just some of my preferences that I can think of...trivial yes...but me.

To think of some others...let's see...
(These are more general)

First, guys, you gotta know, that we girls are wired to want you to show the way you love us...as much as possible. We love it! It creates these awesome sensations in us, goosebumps, warm fizzles tingled, bursts of joy that make us want scream out to the world that we have the most amazing guy in creation. We love you whether or not...yes;...
These are just some things that tickle us pink and make us wanna praise you to the skies:

Facebook her. Message her, and compliment her on her wall so everyone else can read it too.
Call her. If she doesn't answer, leave her a message. (just say..."hey, I love you."...See ya later. Purpose: Giving her warm fizzles and thrills of excitement!
Ask her if she'd like you bring home dinner (and what does she want.)
Clean the kitchen after she's cooked (We girls love it when there's less we have to do).
Praise her in front of others.
Give her thumbs up on her appearance (her hair, her make up, her clothes)
Speak gently to her (especially when she's not so gentle with you) because she may just need a soft place to fall
Give her hugs as much as you can. Purpose: This gives her comfort and makes her think the world of you.

Simple