I have a book called "When. God writes your love Story" by Eric & Leslie Ludy. For ages, I have felt somehow that there is something wrong with me because I do not date. No more. Being liberated and free does not mean that I try to manage doing something that I'm really not comfortable with for the sake of being sociable. As I've written before, finding something extraordinary does not happen when one is doing the same thing everyone else is doing. I don't believe in dating, but I do believe in courtship. The old fashioned art of being loyal to someone because it's the right thing to do no matter what the circumstance, and then seeing love grow out of that.
I've come to find that really growing up can mean being accepting of weaknesses, which at times can be much more tricky than developing a strategy and moving obstacles outta the way. Now, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the latter. Amen when this happens, it's AMAZING!! But, this doesn't always happen. All I really want is to be very secure, and whenever possible... don't rush me. Is this unrealistic? I think so, because there is no perfect situation. But deep down, this is all I want. So, for honesty's sake, I need to start there. Going out in groups... Great thing. Movies, with popcorn (after we've talked a few times) great! But dating for the sake of finding someone? Well, they say it always happens when one is not looking, so, in that case, I'm not sure I see the point. :). I really do think that in order to have something extraordinary, you should be someone extraordinary. Now, I'm just as human, as anyone else, and because I don't do the dating thing in the typical way, I've had to wait a long time for someone. But I have a savior who is in control of my life. With his leading, I will be positioned n the right place at the right time... and so will Mr. Wonderful! The price He paid for me was not cheap, and so neither will the price paid by my one and only... but it will be well worth it!
As many times as I've felt as though the waiting would drive me outta my mind, and the difference was too much, God has always shown me that what he has for me is so much better than any short cut I might be tempted to take, in order to just get the wait over with. He calms me down, and I realize, I'll be okay! :). Jeremiah 29:11; Psalm 139; Psalm 37 (and the Story of Isaac & Rebecca in Genesis.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Very Real Pain
I've heard and seen a lot of speculation lately about whether the Newtown Connecticut shootings were staged (quote, unquote). I admit, I myself have wondered this. But regardless.... I think it's so important to remember that people have died here... both children and adults. There are families who've been tragically changed forever by these horrible events. I have read all sorts of things about memorial pages supposedly set up before victims had died, police and paramedics being told they were participating in a drill, parents being actors who were staging grief for cameras, the coroner being given false information, or even making it up as he went along, and also that the parents of these dear children were never allowed to see their bodies.
As I said, I also have wondered whether the whole thing was staged. But now I realize that this is BECAUSE all these stories and FB posts and tweets are out there! I followed that with an exclamation point because I've become pretty incensed with all the speculation out there. People are scared, and people are hurting, and people are angry... and that's okay. I don't think we would be human if we were not upset in the face of such shocking, sad events.
But now imagine you're a parent or a family member of someone who lost a child, their mother, their daughter. You're whole world has been torn apart because you're missing your loved one, You've just had the saddest Christmas of your entire life, and each one from here on out will be overshadowed by that same grief, you've had to go through the agony of the funeral, you're left with all your memories, and most likely, people are contacting you all the time so they can fly you somewhere so you can talk about exactly what happened and how it made you feel (!!!). Now add to all that, the pain of knowing that your loved one's violent death is being used as leverage for someone's personal agenda. Every time you turn on your TV or radio, or computer, or mobile device, you risk seeing that "agenda" staring you in the face: Gun Control. EVERYONE putting in their two cents about it, and on and on and on. People debating about whether or not this incident was real... while you know it was VERY real because of the gaping hole left by your absent loved one. Imagine this is your story.
Whatever anyone feels about all the "sub-topics" that have arisen from this heart-breaking event, I believe the ISSUE needs to be mutual respect for the family members left torn apart by these awful deaths. I would challenge people (gently), think before you respond to that FB post, send out that tweet, create that hashtag, or call that radio station comment line. Think before you post that blog entry or YouTube video (please). Think before you respond to someone else's video... who might read that and how will it affect them? Think before you decide to pontificate your personal feelings or take part in that joke (would these family members be offended or hurt by that?). Do you really know that what's being said is REALLY true? Let's have some empathy, respect, and perhaps just some good manners concerning these amazing folks who are in very real pain, and make the decision that we won't carry the pain or noise or debating any further. My deepest sympathies to everyone involved in the Newtown tragedy. My prayers are with you, as are the prayers of many others. Take care.
As I said, I also have wondered whether the whole thing was staged. But now I realize that this is BECAUSE all these stories and FB posts and tweets are out there! I followed that with an exclamation point because I've become pretty incensed with all the speculation out there. People are scared, and people are hurting, and people are angry... and that's okay. I don't think we would be human if we were not upset in the face of such shocking, sad events.
But now imagine you're a parent or a family member of someone who lost a child, their mother, their daughter. You're whole world has been torn apart because you're missing your loved one, You've just had the saddest Christmas of your entire life, and each one from here on out will be overshadowed by that same grief, you've had to go through the agony of the funeral, you're left with all your memories, and most likely, people are contacting you all the time so they can fly you somewhere so you can talk about exactly what happened and how it made you feel (!!!). Now add to all that, the pain of knowing that your loved one's violent death is being used as leverage for someone's personal agenda. Every time you turn on your TV or radio, or computer, or mobile device, you risk seeing that "agenda" staring you in the face: Gun Control. EVERYONE putting in their two cents about it, and on and on and on. People debating about whether or not this incident was real... while you know it was VERY real because of the gaping hole left by your absent loved one. Imagine this is your story.
Whatever anyone feels about all the "sub-topics" that have arisen from this heart-breaking event, I believe the ISSUE needs to be mutual respect for the family members left torn apart by these awful deaths. I would challenge people (gently), think before you respond to that FB post, send out that tweet, create that hashtag, or call that radio station comment line. Think before you post that blog entry or YouTube video (please). Think before you respond to someone else's video... who might read that and how will it affect them? Think before you decide to pontificate your personal feelings or take part in that joke (would these family members be offended or hurt by that?). Do you really know that what's being said is REALLY true? Let's have some empathy, respect, and perhaps just some good manners concerning these amazing folks who are in very real pain, and make the decision that we won't carry the pain or noise or debating any further. My deepest sympathies to everyone involved in the Newtown tragedy. My prayers are with you, as are the prayers of many others. Take care.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Roots
I found an episode of Larry King last night, in which he was interviewing a southern Baptist, two Rabbi's, and a volunteer from a group called "Jews for Jesus," (or was he the head of the organization?)
Anyway, this created a rather unique platform for each opinion, whether the individual was Jewish or Christian. Now, there was a pretty good amount of arguing going on, most of which was coming from from one of the Rabbi's on the panel. He was angry because the President of the Southern Baptists Organization and the head of Jews for Jesus organization were challenging the idea that a person could be "good" and go to Heaven. The other Rabbi did not like what he called their "propaganda". His point was that these Christian groups didn't really believe that Jewish people are "good enough.". So, why didn't they just come out and say so? He was also offended because they (Southern Baptists)use Jewish symbols in their pamphlets. His point was, Don't pretend to be one of us, when you are not.
Wow. Understandably, a lot of emotions flying.
Okay. Please know that my intent here is not to start a fight. To me, this is not about any one group being better than the other. I'd like to try and look at both sides and present possible reasoning for both ways of thinking. I will be as gentle as I can, and as respectful as possible.
Now, I'll use the Bible as my point of reference, so that you don't have to take my word for it. To me, this whole thing is not about religion, it's about relationship and emotional attachment.
The Bible does teach that Jesus was Jewish. His Geneology can be found in the book of Matthew (CH.1), up to verse 18, the family tree of Jesus is recorded going all the way back to .Abraham. As is Jewish tradition, the family line of his father Joseph is recorded. Now, the Bible also teaches that Jesus's own people would in fact reject him, and not believe that he was the Messiah. (John 1:10-11). Why this is I am unsure, as I believe many are. But for whatever reason, this is simply what scripture teaches.
Verse 12 of John chapter 1 is the key to what Christians believe: "But as many as had received Him, (He gave them power) to become sons of God, even to them that believe on his name.". In English, this means that we are saved when we confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord.
Now, of course, many people, whether Jewish or not, do not believe that Christ is Lord, right? So, the anger comes when Christians begin talking about the H word and saying that people who do not accept Christ will go there. For Jewish folks, the emotional attachment is a perceived attack on their character, as well as their teachings, and their wonderful, strong attachment to their rich traditions. For Christian folks the emotional attachment is to the Bible, and what it teaches about Jesus dying and rising again, and being sure that they uphold it.
Now, couple this with the conversion experience of most Christians, and you have the most emotionally exciting experience in the world... an experience that Christians hope that everyone can experience! This is partly because the Christian knows how wonderful it was for them when they were saved, coupled with what the Bible teaches about the consequences of not being saved. But those consequences are the same for every person... Not only Jewish people.
It's a hard thing, because, who wants to hear that? Who wants to be told that? No one, right? Now, imagine if you're the messenger! Christians have the immense joy of their own conversion experience to "back up" what they believe. The dilemma comes because no Christian can lay their heart on the table so that someone can SEE that they are saved. It is the nature of people to be skeptical and need proof, so a lot of times, when a Christian tries to explain salvation, the other person can basically say "Says you.". Salvation is an emotional thing because it involves belief, without a ritual, or tradition, or ledger, or strategy. It involves trust.
Okay, guess what? Jewish folks, you're God's favorite, did you know that? Again and again in both the old and new testaments, there are references to Israel and the Jewish people being especially favored by God. (see Psalm 147: 20) It's sorta like going to a food court and loving all the food there, but having those specific things that you especially like, the things you look for first, because those foods are your very favorites. (please forgive the comparison to food, but it was all I could think of that everyone enjoys :)). So, Christians, believing that Jesus went to the cross to save the world, often have a deep love for Jewish people because their saviour was also Jewish. I myself have an endearing fascination with Jewish folks, because according to scripture, my savior is also Jewish. I think this is an amazing thing!
In my personal opinion, many Christians, in particular, Evangelicals, are a bit baffled as to why many Jewish folks do not believe that Jesus is the Messiah. I think this is probably because we believe it would be such an honor to have the savior of the world share the same heritage that you do. Please know that there is no offense intended here at all. I believe Jewish folks and Christian folks can gently help each other to better understand each other's positions. Again, Christains remember their being saved as the most awesome, wonderful event that's ever taken place in life, not because of what physically happened when he carried that cross up that hill, but because the Bible says that he rose up on the third day and ascended to be with his father in Heaven (!!!) :). No more pain, or blood, or anything that he suffered in those last hours. And because he suffered all of that, we too will someday see Heaven in all it's glory, and see Jesus as he is (wow! :) and live in eternity with Him (if we accept him as Lord).
Now, if you don't believe any of this, I imagine it would be quite difficult to have any empathy for those who do. Jewish folks, please forgive us Christians. We are not trying to feed you a fairytale, because we believe that what we are saying is the truth. Please know that a Christian sharing thier faith with you is not designed to be an attack on your character. All we really want is for you to experience the joy that we have found in Christ, and in that sense, we can tend to believe that Jewish folks are the most blessed on earth! You share your heritage with the eternal messiah...how glorious! (we think).
But I would imagine that most Jewish folks look at the slain Jesus as a terribly
tragic event in a rather persecuted history. I say this because one of the Rabbi's on the Larry King panel, brought up the Holocaust more than once. Looking at it from this perspective, how can we not empathize when someone who is Jewish does not believe that the story of the cross is a glorious one? I've heard many evangelical pastors ask the question: "Aren't you glad you were born on this side of the cross?". They refer to the fact that people who've accepted Jesus can drink of the joy that this provides, without the suffering (referring to persecution of Old Testament Christians,etc.) it's a hard history. A difficult history graced with amazing traditions and customs that have gloriously endured.
Apparently, in writing the Old Testament, every time the sacred name of God the Father was written down, there was a cleansing ritual that the author would go through before continuing because that name was sacred and holy. (At least, this is what I was taught in one of my college classes). I would imagine the author probably did not feel he was worthy to continue until he did so. In the Evangelical church today, we usually make no mystery of the fact that we are glad these things are no longer necessary (because they are too difficult and too much to remember, right?) Besides, Christ died for all that, right? It's all about grace, right?
Is it possible to take the grace of Jesus and trample all over it (maybe without realizing it?). Sad to say, but I've been in churches where the Old Testament is barely touched upon, if at all. Particularly in what are called "New Testament Churches" the old testament seems hurried under the "grace" of the new testament. This is an odd choice of words, but that's exactly my point. It's also an odd paradox. I mean, how many churches today are called New Testament churches, and their aim seems to be to teach people to forget their "legalism" and just accept Jesus. I don't think this is a bad idea because I believe Christ's death paid for my sins; but do we as Christians want Jewish folks to just forget that they are Jewish? Of course not. But I wonder if sometimes, this is what Jewish folks hear when Christians attempt to "witness" to them?
Do Jewish folks feel offended because Christians walk around being glad that one of their own was brutally killed and then his death was deemed necessary to save all humanity? When we take all the divinity out of the equation, and look at it strictly from a human perspective, it is quite disturbing and insulting and scary, and unfair. But Christians, are looking at the crucifixion from the perspective of Christ's rising on the third day and ascending to Heaven. We're believing in Chist's divinity and celebrating that his suffering is over, and ours is only temporary, rather than being eternal.
It is my personal belief that those who are Messianic Jews can be a tremendous help in these subjects, simply because they are greatly impacted by both sides of the equation. It is my understanding that a Messianic Jew, is a Jewish person who has accepted Jesus Christ as their personal savior, while adhering to the old testament feast days and customs and traditions. At the same time, I've heard some Jewish folks say that there is no such thing as a Messianic Jew. In any case, I like to refer to the story of Jesus speaking with Niccodemus, and telling him that to know the father, one must be reborn. Of course, the million dollar question is "How can a man come from his Mother's womb again?"
Of course, the answer is that he can't. This refers to the "conversion" we experience inside when we accept Christ as savior. He changes individual hearts ( when we request it). As I mentioned, one of the Rabbi's in particular seemed rather insulted by the idea of conversion. His question was "Why am I not acceptable to God on my own?". I think Niccodemus wanted to know the same thing. :). (John 3:2-20). So what's it like for a Messianic Jewish person who knows Jesus as their savior? I've seen many churches which are based on both the Jewish traditions and feast days, and also knowing Christ as our personal savior.
Now, I've grown up in the evangelical Christian church. I accepted Christ as my savior when I was fifteen, and as a teenager, Jesus was like my divine buddy-pal. He guided me through everything, and of course, I wanted others to know the saving grace that I had been shown.
So my life became all about showing people Jesus. Now, in theory, I don't believe there is anything wrong with this. But, as I've gained a bit of wisdom, it has seemed that something has been missing from my faith. I know all the fundamentals were there: I'd believed and accepted His death as payment for my sins by faith alone. I went to church every week and enjoyed it. I read my Bible, and my little heart beamed with his love. But, where were the roots to keep my faith in place? I realize today, that they were actually quite weak.
I think that as we grow in anything, the challenges become more intense and the struggles more personal. This is what happened to me in regards to my faith...but AS it happened, I came to realize that the ground I was standing on was actually quite shaky. I did not persevere through trials very well. Instead, I would just wish that God would remove the struggle and then become angry when he wouldn't. The only thing I really knew was that the OLD testament was really really hard, and the NEW testament was really really easy. That sounds terrible, doesn't it?
My church taught about suffering, yes, but looking back, suffering seemed to be presented like an afterthought, or something that was always very temporary and very minor. Now, in light of God's eternal glory, suffering is temporary and minor. So what was the problem? Where did the disconnect come? Actually, I'm still delving into all this now, even as I write this. But an irony here is the way that Christ's divinity and humanity show themselves in each place. As I said, I believed that Christ's grace would save me (and I was) but my roots really didn't go very deep. I realize now, that this is because I (still) don't know how to suffer very well.
The interesting thing has been, that as I've examined churches cultivated in the Jewish faith, I've learned better how to cultivate my own faith. I think this is because of the way I've been able to see the way the old testament is connected or "bridged" to the new testament. I know now that the faith I had, while based in scripture, seemed so contemporary that I could not see where the "roots" were. Most of the time in church, the old testament seemed to be mentioned as a reference point to the new testament. Now, this was not always the case, but quite a bit. The angle seemed to be that the "ease" of Christ's grace made the ritual and repetition of the old testament unnecessary. Now, the rituals and repetitions and "sacrifices" of the old testament are not necessary to salvation itself, because Jesus became the sacrifice. This is basically the overriding message that always seeped into my head. This message is correct, as far as I was taught; but as a result, if I would read the old testament, I would only skim over it, and then go straight to something like Romans 8:28, or Philippians 4:4-8. Unconsciously, I was learning to ignore what was hard and just move right to what was simple and easy to hear.
I didn't realize this was going on until I got a bit older and the challenges of my life... became more challenging. I've had a very weak way of grabbing onto scripture that I did not have to actually look up. Looking it up was too much trouble. I did know how to close my door, and talk to my father in private, but as long as delving into the old testament was too much of a bother to me, I truly had a major disconnect to who my Father really was.
In my world, people seemed to acknowledge verbally that Christians need to learn how to be long suffering... but without really training us how to do it. I think the goal is to not interfere with whatever God may be personally convicting us of. But I know now that He could not convict me of much because I have not really been properly (patiently) seeking him out. My church certainly taught about seeking Him out, but there seemed to be a gap someplace.
Then one evening, I was looking around on YouTube, as I often am, and I found videos of some services from a Messianic Jewish church. I was not purposely looking for this...it showed up in some other search results. I did not know much about Messianic Jewish churches, but I was amazed by the Rabbi's attention to detail! He could take patterns of events presented in the old testament and explain things that take place in the new testament, related to seasons and moons and cycles and feast days and being camped out in the wilderness... All sorts of different things, that I had heard before-- but never like this! The Rabbi would explain the Hebrew alphabet, and the way that one mark on one letter would make an otherwise identical word... completely different!
Never had I thought of re-creating the experience of the tents in the wilderness. I did not know that a feast day, means a divine appointment with the Lord. It isn't just another day where people gather and eat (Although, that's a wonderful idea!). The Jewish calendar is completely different then the calendar I've always followed. I never knew this, and was very intrigued by it. I'd never thought of wearing white on the feast days to commemorate them. The Jewish day actually begins at midnight. Wow... That means, by the time we get up (say 6:00 AM), the day is literally half over! This is a completely different concept of time, that I'd never thought about before. My point is that all of the sudden, my perspective on scripture and my savior took a 180 turn. I was in a world where things took TIME and little things mean a great deal. And all because of a newly found appreciation for...the old testament!
Now, here I was watching this panel of people debate, interrupt each other, and argue over Christianity and Judaism The point was made that the Christian pamphlets had prayers relating specifically to Jewish folks. I think this was taken as an attempt to change those who are Jewish, rather tan extend love to them. I offer this: We BOTH need each other. We both need each other, and thankfully, we both have opportunities to love each other and pray for each other. The Old Testament is not absent from God's grace, and the New Testament is not absent from the law. In my own journey, I simply learned to address my own laziness and work on things in me that need change. I think the key is finding balance, because my personal faith had become too light-hearted, and I hadn't realized it. I would say with my mouth, Christ is Lord, but then know next to nothing about the first half of his word. (Let's face it, I didn't do too much better with the second half either!) :)
The initial act of accepting Jesus BEGINS with a simple prayer...yes. But the journey of having a relationship with him is a process that continues the rest of our lives. It seems it would be difficult to cultivate a relationship with anyone when we don't really know where they came from. Add to this, a microwave, drive through, credit card, have it now society; and it makes sense that actual relationships are rarely cultivated anymore. The customs and traditions and feast days of the old testament, and taking time for them, can represent, a dedication and care and "precision" that I had simply never even known was there.
The new testament, can be like a breath of fresh air that can lift the sting out of the suffering, and the grief out of the waiting. The suffering and perseverance through it, create the art of long-suffering, while the grace makes the process bearable. Both are necessary for us to be complete... Yes? The old and new testaments teach us where Jesus came from, why he came (the events leading up to it), where he went, and where he is today. They also teach that we all have a choice as to where we will go when we leave here. We can join Jesus where he is, or we can be separated from him, depending on the choice we make. This is a universal truth. (John 3:16). It isn't about a debate between one group or the other. Just love your neighbor as you love yourself, and care for orphans and widows, speaking up for those unable to speak for themselves... for this is the "religion" acceptable to Christ.
Matt.22:39. James 1:27. Proverbs 31:8-9. John 3:2-20 (Nicodemus)
Peace, love and best wishes to you, my friend (and everyone who was on Larry King's show that evening). :)
Anyway, this created a rather unique platform for each opinion, whether the individual was Jewish or Christian. Now, there was a pretty good amount of arguing going on, most of which was coming from from one of the Rabbi's on the panel. He was angry because the President of the Southern Baptists Organization and the head of Jews for Jesus organization were challenging the idea that a person could be "good" and go to Heaven. The other Rabbi did not like what he called their "propaganda". His point was that these Christian groups didn't really believe that Jewish people are "good enough.". So, why didn't they just come out and say so? He was also offended because they (Southern Baptists)use Jewish symbols in their pamphlets. His point was, Don't pretend to be one of us, when you are not.
Wow. Understandably, a lot of emotions flying.
Okay. Please know that my intent here is not to start a fight. To me, this is not about any one group being better than the other. I'd like to try and look at both sides and present possible reasoning for both ways of thinking. I will be as gentle as I can, and as respectful as possible.
Now, I'll use the Bible as my point of reference, so that you don't have to take my word for it. To me, this whole thing is not about religion, it's about relationship and emotional attachment.
The Bible does teach that Jesus was Jewish. His Geneology can be found in the book of Matthew (CH.1), up to verse 18, the family tree of Jesus is recorded going all the way back to .Abraham. As is Jewish tradition, the family line of his father Joseph is recorded. Now, the Bible also teaches that Jesus's own people would in fact reject him, and not believe that he was the Messiah. (John 1:10-11). Why this is I am unsure, as I believe many are. But for whatever reason, this is simply what scripture teaches.
Verse 12 of John chapter 1 is the key to what Christians believe: "But as many as had received Him, (He gave them power) to become sons of God, even to them that believe on his name.". In English, this means that we are saved when we confess with our mouth that Jesus is Lord.
Now, of course, many people, whether Jewish or not, do not believe that Christ is Lord, right? So, the anger comes when Christians begin talking about the H word and saying that people who do not accept Christ will go there. For Jewish folks, the emotional attachment is a perceived attack on their character, as well as their teachings, and their wonderful, strong attachment to their rich traditions. For Christian folks the emotional attachment is to the Bible, and what it teaches about Jesus dying and rising again, and being sure that they uphold it.
Now, couple this with the conversion experience of most Christians, and you have the most emotionally exciting experience in the world... an experience that Christians hope that everyone can experience! This is partly because the Christian knows how wonderful it was for them when they were saved, coupled with what the Bible teaches about the consequences of not being saved. But those consequences are the same for every person... Not only Jewish people.
It's a hard thing, because, who wants to hear that? Who wants to be told that? No one, right? Now, imagine if you're the messenger! Christians have the immense joy of their own conversion experience to "back up" what they believe. The dilemma comes because no Christian can lay their heart on the table so that someone can SEE that they are saved. It is the nature of people to be skeptical and need proof, so a lot of times, when a Christian tries to explain salvation, the other person can basically say "Says you.". Salvation is an emotional thing because it involves belief, without a ritual, or tradition, or ledger, or strategy. It involves trust.
Okay, guess what? Jewish folks, you're God's favorite, did you know that? Again and again in both the old and new testaments, there are references to Israel and the Jewish people being especially favored by God. (see Psalm 147: 20) It's sorta like going to a food court and loving all the food there, but having those specific things that you especially like, the things you look for first, because those foods are your very favorites. (please forgive the comparison to food, but it was all I could think of that everyone enjoys :)). So, Christians, believing that Jesus went to the cross to save the world, often have a deep love for Jewish people because their saviour was also Jewish. I myself have an endearing fascination with Jewish folks, because according to scripture, my savior is also Jewish. I think this is an amazing thing!
In my personal opinion, many Christians, in particular, Evangelicals, are a bit baffled as to why many Jewish folks do not believe that Jesus is the Messiah. I think this is probably because we believe it would be such an honor to have the savior of the world share the same heritage that you do. Please know that there is no offense intended here at all. I believe Jewish folks and Christian folks can gently help each other to better understand each other's positions. Again, Christains remember their being saved as the most awesome, wonderful event that's ever taken place in life, not because of what physically happened when he carried that cross up that hill, but because the Bible says that he rose up on the third day and ascended to be with his father in Heaven (!!!) :). No more pain, or blood, or anything that he suffered in those last hours. And because he suffered all of that, we too will someday see Heaven in all it's glory, and see Jesus as he is (wow! :) and live in eternity with Him (if we accept him as Lord).
Now, if you don't believe any of this, I imagine it would be quite difficult to have any empathy for those who do. Jewish folks, please forgive us Christians. We are not trying to feed you a fairytale, because we believe that what we are saying is the truth. Please know that a Christian sharing thier faith with you is not designed to be an attack on your character. All we really want is for you to experience the joy that we have found in Christ, and in that sense, we can tend to believe that Jewish folks are the most blessed on earth! You share your heritage with the eternal messiah...how glorious! (we think).
But I would imagine that most Jewish folks look at the slain Jesus as a terribly
tragic event in a rather persecuted history. I say this because one of the Rabbi's on the Larry King panel, brought up the Holocaust more than once. Looking at it from this perspective, how can we not empathize when someone who is Jewish does not believe that the story of the cross is a glorious one? I've heard many evangelical pastors ask the question: "Aren't you glad you were born on this side of the cross?". They refer to the fact that people who've accepted Jesus can drink of the joy that this provides, without the suffering (referring to persecution of Old Testament Christians,etc.) it's a hard history. A difficult history graced with amazing traditions and customs that have gloriously endured.
Apparently, in writing the Old Testament, every time the sacred name of God the Father was written down, there was a cleansing ritual that the author would go through before continuing because that name was sacred and holy. (At least, this is what I was taught in one of my college classes). I would imagine the author probably did not feel he was worthy to continue until he did so. In the Evangelical church today, we usually make no mystery of the fact that we are glad these things are no longer necessary (because they are too difficult and too much to remember, right?) Besides, Christ died for all that, right? It's all about grace, right?
Is it possible to take the grace of Jesus and trample all over it (maybe without realizing it?). Sad to say, but I've been in churches where the Old Testament is barely touched upon, if at all. Particularly in what are called "New Testament Churches" the old testament seems hurried under the "grace" of the new testament. This is an odd choice of words, but that's exactly my point. It's also an odd paradox. I mean, how many churches today are called New Testament churches, and their aim seems to be to teach people to forget their "legalism" and just accept Jesus. I don't think this is a bad idea because I believe Christ's death paid for my sins; but do we as Christians want Jewish folks to just forget that they are Jewish? Of course not. But I wonder if sometimes, this is what Jewish folks hear when Christians attempt to "witness" to them?
Do Jewish folks feel offended because Christians walk around being glad that one of their own was brutally killed and then his death was deemed necessary to save all humanity? When we take all the divinity out of the equation, and look at it strictly from a human perspective, it is quite disturbing and insulting and scary, and unfair. But Christians, are looking at the crucifixion from the perspective of Christ's rising on the third day and ascending to Heaven. We're believing in Chist's divinity and celebrating that his suffering is over, and ours is only temporary, rather than being eternal.
It is my personal belief that those who are Messianic Jews can be a tremendous help in these subjects, simply because they are greatly impacted by both sides of the equation. It is my understanding that a Messianic Jew, is a Jewish person who has accepted Jesus Christ as their personal savior, while adhering to the old testament feast days and customs and traditions. At the same time, I've heard some Jewish folks say that there is no such thing as a Messianic Jew. In any case, I like to refer to the story of Jesus speaking with Niccodemus, and telling him that to know the father, one must be reborn. Of course, the million dollar question is "How can a man come from his Mother's womb again?"
Of course, the answer is that he can't. This refers to the "conversion" we experience inside when we accept Christ as savior. He changes individual hearts ( when we request it). As I mentioned, one of the Rabbi's in particular seemed rather insulted by the idea of conversion. His question was "Why am I not acceptable to God on my own?". I think Niccodemus wanted to know the same thing. :). (John 3:2-20). So what's it like for a Messianic Jewish person who knows Jesus as their savior? I've seen many churches which are based on both the Jewish traditions and feast days, and also knowing Christ as our personal savior.
Now, I've grown up in the evangelical Christian church. I accepted Christ as my savior when I was fifteen, and as a teenager, Jesus was like my divine buddy-pal. He guided me through everything, and of course, I wanted others to know the saving grace that I had been shown.
So my life became all about showing people Jesus. Now, in theory, I don't believe there is anything wrong with this. But, as I've gained a bit of wisdom, it has seemed that something has been missing from my faith. I know all the fundamentals were there: I'd believed and accepted His death as payment for my sins by faith alone. I went to church every week and enjoyed it. I read my Bible, and my little heart beamed with his love. But, where were the roots to keep my faith in place? I realize today, that they were actually quite weak.
I think that as we grow in anything, the challenges become more intense and the struggles more personal. This is what happened to me in regards to my faith...but AS it happened, I came to realize that the ground I was standing on was actually quite shaky. I did not persevere through trials very well. Instead, I would just wish that God would remove the struggle and then become angry when he wouldn't. The only thing I really knew was that the OLD testament was really really hard, and the NEW testament was really really easy. That sounds terrible, doesn't it?
My church taught about suffering, yes, but looking back, suffering seemed to be presented like an afterthought, or something that was always very temporary and very minor. Now, in light of God's eternal glory, suffering is temporary and minor. So what was the problem? Where did the disconnect come? Actually, I'm still delving into all this now, even as I write this. But an irony here is the way that Christ's divinity and humanity show themselves in each place. As I said, I believed that Christ's grace would save me (and I was) but my roots really didn't go very deep. I realize now, that this is because I (still) don't know how to suffer very well.
The interesting thing has been, that as I've examined churches cultivated in the Jewish faith, I've learned better how to cultivate my own faith. I think this is because of the way I've been able to see the way the old testament is connected or "bridged" to the new testament. I know now that the faith I had, while based in scripture, seemed so contemporary that I could not see where the "roots" were. Most of the time in church, the old testament seemed to be mentioned as a reference point to the new testament. Now, this was not always the case, but quite a bit. The angle seemed to be that the "ease" of Christ's grace made the ritual and repetition of the old testament unnecessary. Now, the rituals and repetitions and "sacrifices" of the old testament are not necessary to salvation itself, because Jesus became the sacrifice. This is basically the overriding message that always seeped into my head. This message is correct, as far as I was taught; but as a result, if I would read the old testament, I would only skim over it, and then go straight to something like Romans 8:28, or Philippians 4:4-8. Unconsciously, I was learning to ignore what was hard and just move right to what was simple and easy to hear.
I didn't realize this was going on until I got a bit older and the challenges of my life... became more challenging. I've had a very weak way of grabbing onto scripture that I did not have to actually look up. Looking it up was too much trouble. I did know how to close my door, and talk to my father in private, but as long as delving into the old testament was too much of a bother to me, I truly had a major disconnect to who my Father really was.
In my world, people seemed to acknowledge verbally that Christians need to learn how to be long suffering... but without really training us how to do it. I think the goal is to not interfere with whatever God may be personally convicting us of. But I know now that He could not convict me of much because I have not really been properly (patiently) seeking him out. My church certainly taught about seeking Him out, but there seemed to be a gap someplace.
Then one evening, I was looking around on YouTube, as I often am, and I found videos of some services from a Messianic Jewish church. I was not purposely looking for this...it showed up in some other search results. I did not know much about Messianic Jewish churches, but I was amazed by the Rabbi's attention to detail! He could take patterns of events presented in the old testament and explain things that take place in the new testament, related to seasons and moons and cycles and feast days and being camped out in the wilderness... All sorts of different things, that I had heard before-- but never like this! The Rabbi would explain the Hebrew alphabet, and the way that one mark on one letter would make an otherwise identical word... completely different!
Never had I thought of re-creating the experience of the tents in the wilderness. I did not know that a feast day, means a divine appointment with the Lord. It isn't just another day where people gather and eat (Although, that's a wonderful idea!). The Jewish calendar is completely different then the calendar I've always followed. I never knew this, and was very intrigued by it. I'd never thought of wearing white on the feast days to commemorate them. The Jewish day actually begins at midnight. Wow... That means, by the time we get up (say 6:00 AM), the day is literally half over! This is a completely different concept of time, that I'd never thought about before. My point is that all of the sudden, my perspective on scripture and my savior took a 180 turn. I was in a world where things took TIME and little things mean a great deal. And all because of a newly found appreciation for...the old testament!
Now, here I was watching this panel of people debate, interrupt each other, and argue over Christianity and Judaism The point was made that the Christian pamphlets had prayers relating specifically to Jewish folks. I think this was taken as an attempt to change those who are Jewish, rather tan extend love to them. I offer this: We BOTH need each other. We both need each other, and thankfully, we both have opportunities to love each other and pray for each other. The Old Testament is not absent from God's grace, and the New Testament is not absent from the law. In my own journey, I simply learned to address my own laziness and work on things in me that need change. I think the key is finding balance, because my personal faith had become too light-hearted, and I hadn't realized it. I would say with my mouth, Christ is Lord, but then know next to nothing about the first half of his word. (Let's face it, I didn't do too much better with the second half either!) :)
The initial act of accepting Jesus BEGINS with a simple prayer...yes. But the journey of having a relationship with him is a process that continues the rest of our lives. It seems it would be difficult to cultivate a relationship with anyone when we don't really know where they came from. Add to this, a microwave, drive through, credit card, have it now society; and it makes sense that actual relationships are rarely cultivated anymore. The customs and traditions and feast days of the old testament, and taking time for them, can represent, a dedication and care and "precision" that I had simply never even known was there.
The new testament, can be like a breath of fresh air that can lift the sting out of the suffering, and the grief out of the waiting. The suffering and perseverance through it, create the art of long-suffering, while the grace makes the process bearable. Both are necessary for us to be complete... Yes? The old and new testaments teach us where Jesus came from, why he came (the events leading up to it), where he went, and where he is today. They also teach that we all have a choice as to where we will go when we leave here. We can join Jesus where he is, or we can be separated from him, depending on the choice we make. This is a universal truth. (John 3:16). It isn't about a debate between one group or the other. Just love your neighbor as you love yourself, and care for orphans and widows, speaking up for those unable to speak for themselves... for this is the "religion" acceptable to Christ.
Matt.22:39. James 1:27. Proverbs 31:8-9. John 3:2-20 (Nicodemus)
Peace, love and best wishes to you, my friend (and everyone who was on Larry King's show that evening). :)
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Simple
Today, Dr. Phil was on in the background as I was doing other things, and he was talking to parents of teens who were dressing provocatively and having sex too early. Again, I was not even going to write in a blog today, but, if I don't my head will explode, so here goes.
At the end of the show he spoke to a woman via polycom. This woman stated that she had taught her children that sex is a special privilege that should be reserved for marriage only. She also stated that she did not feel that her children needed to go through sex education because of the foundation she had given her kids all their lives. Dr. Phil actually got angry with this woman and told her that this was "absurd," and then proceeded to get angry at her because "he DID raise his kids in a Godly home, and it's just ridiculous that we would not teach our kids how to equip themselves for the real world out there" (or something to that affect). This lady had more to say, but Dr. Phil cut her off and would not let her finish. Interesting. No one was accusing Dr. Phil of not raising their boys correctly, but he took great offense to this woman's opinion, raised his voice and got angry. Why? That's crazy, in my opinion. He would not let her finish, and then called what she had to say "absurd.". Dr. Phil is a fair man that let's his guests give their opinions, yes? So what was the problem with this opinion? Who said that he had to agree with her?; that's not a requirement.
I found myself so angry because I feel he made a fool out of this woman. No one has to agree with what she said if they don't want to... But I do! Actually, my mother did both with me: she taught me that sex is a special privilege reserved for married adults (as in not teens). She began teaching me this at a very young age, and then, when I was the ripe, old age of eleven :), she allowed me to go through the sex education that was offered, because she knew I had a foundation that let me know where my boundaries already were. So, it was very simple for me, because the dilemma was all taken out of it. Sex? WAIT. period. Really easy.
Today, I'm proof that, yes you can wait, it's better to wait, and you will not only survive, but you will thrive, and you'll be totally fine. I know, because I've done it. It has been my honor to save myself because I'm too proud of the woman I have come to be to give all of myself to someone not interested in giving all of themselves to me. I'm worth too much to do that. To be very clear, I am not putting anyone down who hasn't had this sort of experience. I'm simply saying that I know that the right man will rise to the level of expectation. If not, then I can move on, it's very easy.
Yes, I've heard all sorts of arguments about lack of self control and hormones, and all that, but I can tell you this; I was a counselor at a pregnancy care center for about five years, and many many ladies came to talk to me in tears because they were wishing they had used a little more self control. Many teens came to me wracked with anxiety because they were suddenly faced with the idea of forever being a parent. What was more alarming to me, was the frightening amount of "normalcy" that these girls (a lot of them 12 and 13 as well) would apply to experimenting with sex, coming and taking the test,, being so thrilled that the test happened to be negative and then "playing with fire" again.
What would break my heart is that these precious young ladies would give all their power away for the sake of feeling as though they had some (power, that is). Yes, they all wanted to be... wanted and liked. Absolutely! Everyone does! So they would give in to their raging hormones, and a society that says that this is inevitable ("They're just going to do it anyway.")', and the boredom that would come from being latch key kids, and they would figure that at least they could feel good for maybe a minute and a half, and then their boyfriend would stay with them, right? In so many cases... That was not the case. To make the deception worse, many of these women, whether teens or not, would be fooled into thinking that if they became pregnant, they could just go get an abortion. Now, if a woman becomes pregnant, she can choose to have an abortion, that's true. But abortion really is about so much more than the "power" of choice.
There are choices we make because we're free to make them, and then there are choices we make because we have to. When a woman say's no to sex because there is not a permanent marriage commitment behind it, she's then free to move on with her, life, her job, her travels, college, the things she enjoys while anticipating something much better because she values herself enough to do so. Personally, this is my kind of power. She's in control of the end of the story. She knows they'll be time for marriage and babies, but she gets to make sure that it's the right time.
When a woman, particularly a teenager becomes pregnant, her "adult" actions have now locked her into a dilemma: Do I have the baby or do I abort the baby? She is now faced with serious "decisions" about, life, death, morals, ethics, values, a boyfriend who often has left her with all the responsibility, marriage, divorce, money, how to raise a child, all the changes that come with being pregnant, and much more, all before the baby is even born. So now, the "choices" are coming at her from every direction, but that doesn't mean that she's emotionally prepared to make them. If she aborts the baby, this is a choice that cannot be undone, and I had many clients tell me that the heartbreak and guilt that follow are not worth the freedom that they believed the abortion would give them. In other words these women became "bound" to a guilt and pain they had never bargained for, and freedom actually had little to do with it. Add to all this the fact that this person is still a kid whose brain isn't even through growing yet. Tremendous responsibility.
I say, mentor a kid and give them something to do that keeps them busy. Get them serving those around them so they can be a part, and learn their worth and the worth of others. Help them learn a work ethic so that they learn the value of earning things in life. To me, it actually has very little to do with teaching them not to have sex. It's about teaching them to care for others, and value their feelings, have empathy. There's nothing more satisfying than earning something after working hard for it. Teenagers especially need a sense of empowerment, not another form of fear that they have to figure out how to live with. All my opinion, of course, but there ya go.
At the end of the show he spoke to a woman via polycom. This woman stated that she had taught her children that sex is a special privilege that should be reserved for marriage only. She also stated that she did not feel that her children needed to go through sex education because of the foundation she had given her kids all their lives. Dr. Phil actually got angry with this woman and told her that this was "absurd," and then proceeded to get angry at her because "he DID raise his kids in a Godly home, and it's just ridiculous that we would not teach our kids how to equip themselves for the real world out there" (or something to that affect). This lady had more to say, but Dr. Phil cut her off and would not let her finish. Interesting. No one was accusing Dr. Phil of not raising their boys correctly, but he took great offense to this woman's opinion, raised his voice and got angry. Why? That's crazy, in my opinion. He would not let her finish, and then called what she had to say "absurd.". Dr. Phil is a fair man that let's his guests give their opinions, yes? So what was the problem with this opinion? Who said that he had to agree with her?; that's not a requirement.
I found myself so angry because I feel he made a fool out of this woman. No one has to agree with what she said if they don't want to... But I do! Actually, my mother did both with me: she taught me that sex is a special privilege reserved for married adults (as in not teens). She began teaching me this at a very young age, and then, when I was the ripe, old age of eleven :), she allowed me to go through the sex education that was offered, because she knew I had a foundation that let me know where my boundaries already were. So, it was very simple for me, because the dilemma was all taken out of it. Sex? WAIT. period. Really easy.
Today, I'm proof that, yes you can wait, it's better to wait, and you will not only survive, but you will thrive, and you'll be totally fine. I know, because I've done it. It has been my honor to save myself because I'm too proud of the woman I have come to be to give all of myself to someone not interested in giving all of themselves to me. I'm worth too much to do that. To be very clear, I am not putting anyone down who hasn't had this sort of experience. I'm simply saying that I know that the right man will rise to the level of expectation. If not, then I can move on, it's very easy.
Yes, I've heard all sorts of arguments about lack of self control and hormones, and all that, but I can tell you this; I was a counselor at a pregnancy care center for about five years, and many many ladies came to talk to me in tears because they were wishing they had used a little more self control. Many teens came to me wracked with anxiety because they were suddenly faced with the idea of forever being a parent. What was more alarming to me, was the frightening amount of "normalcy" that these girls (a lot of them 12 and 13 as well) would apply to experimenting with sex, coming and taking the test,, being so thrilled that the test happened to be negative and then "playing with fire" again.
What would break my heart is that these precious young ladies would give all their power away for the sake of feeling as though they had some (power, that is). Yes, they all wanted to be... wanted and liked. Absolutely! Everyone does! So they would give in to their raging hormones, and a society that says that this is inevitable ("They're just going to do it anyway.")', and the boredom that would come from being latch key kids, and they would figure that at least they could feel good for maybe a minute and a half, and then their boyfriend would stay with them, right? In so many cases... That was not the case. To make the deception worse, many of these women, whether teens or not, would be fooled into thinking that if they became pregnant, they could just go get an abortion. Now, if a woman becomes pregnant, she can choose to have an abortion, that's true. But abortion really is about so much more than the "power" of choice.
There are choices we make because we're free to make them, and then there are choices we make because we have to. When a woman say's no to sex because there is not a permanent marriage commitment behind it, she's then free to move on with her, life, her job, her travels, college, the things she enjoys while anticipating something much better because she values herself enough to do so. Personally, this is my kind of power. She's in control of the end of the story. She knows they'll be time for marriage and babies, but she gets to make sure that it's the right time.
When a woman, particularly a teenager becomes pregnant, her "adult" actions have now locked her into a dilemma: Do I have the baby or do I abort the baby? She is now faced with serious "decisions" about, life, death, morals, ethics, values, a boyfriend who often has left her with all the responsibility, marriage, divorce, money, how to raise a child, all the changes that come with being pregnant, and much more, all before the baby is even born. So now, the "choices" are coming at her from every direction, but that doesn't mean that she's emotionally prepared to make them. If she aborts the baby, this is a choice that cannot be undone, and I had many clients tell me that the heartbreak and guilt that follow are not worth the freedom that they believed the abortion would give them. In other words these women became "bound" to a guilt and pain they had never bargained for, and freedom actually had little to do with it. Add to all this the fact that this person is still a kid whose brain isn't even through growing yet. Tremendous responsibility.
I say, mentor a kid and give them something to do that keeps them busy. Get them serving those around them so they can be a part, and learn their worth and the worth of others. Help them learn a work ethic so that they learn the value of earning things in life. To me, it actually has very little to do with teaching them not to have sex. It's about teaching them to care for others, and value their feelings, have empathy. There's nothing more satisfying than earning something after working hard for it. Teenagers especially need a sense of empowerment, not another form of fear that they have to figure out how to live with. All my opinion, of course, but there ya go.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Friends
I just read a FB post that talked about being very careful who your friends are if you're married. If you have a "friend" of the opposite sex and you tell things to this friend that you do not tell your spouse... This is dangerous. It said that affairs don't start in the bedroom. They begin with emails, text's, calls, FB posts, and many other things that have nothing to do with sleeping together.
I personally have a rule that if I'm FB friends with a man who is engaged or married, I'm also friends with his fiancee'/ wife as well. This way, it's not a situation where only he knows me, and there's no chance that the two of us COULD say or do anything inappropriate because he has accountability, and my mutual respect for both of them is the guard that keeps me in check... I'M NOT GOING THERE! :). I once was seeing a counselor who was a guy... a young guy.
Nothing happened, except what I went in there for; he was helping me work things out... But I stopped going there. It was on the pretext of not being able to afford it, but I stopped going because I realized it was the perfect fuel for starting a fire, if you will. He was a young guy, getting his master's degree, and here I was, face to face with him in a room, alone, telling him about personal things going on at home. I'm not saying that I was attracted to him. In truth, I wasn't, particularly... but no one ever plans to do anything inappropriate, ya know? Now I'm single, of course. I knew he was not married, but did not know whether he had a girlfriend or not. Anyway, the situation reached a different level of uncomfortable when he had me doing these breathing exercises to alleviate anxiety. A great idea... But not under those circumstances. I mean, whether I was attracted to him or not, the breathing exercises had me thinking about doing things (we) shouldn't be! STOP!! :).
I realize now that whether he was single or not wasn't the issue. The honest truth is that I'm single and am hoping to find someone, and I need to take responsibility for the fact that there is a high amount of vulnerability there. Let's face it, nothing makes a woman melt more than when a sensitive guy will allow her to cry with him and spill all of her most intimate dilemmas in front of him. Be careful! :).
There's another situation in my life that I've needed to get away from. This one a bit more serious. Ladies, if you don't drive and you need rides home from church, my advice would be do not take rides home with a single guy who's around your age! Now, in my situation, I thought that this guy liked me, because he'd been talking to me at the singles group we'd started and then gave me his number. It turned out he lived right around the corner from me, too. But, to make the story very short... He had no intentions of a relationship with me... He was just trying to do me a favor. Dammit! Okay, in retrospect, I'm glad that it did not work out. But I ended up having to separate myself from that situation, because I was then left with an attraction to someone that I could do nothing about. I stuck with it for a long time, because nobody wants to leave their church... but the situation escalated, and I found it was too precarious to try and stay away from him. I noticed a resentment building in me... and I knew... This is not good! This unhealthy situation became like a rotten apple that was spoiling the whole barrel. I finally realized... This is not something that try and "solve"... sometimes, you need to just run!
Goodness! I kept thinking "what if this were your job? You wouldn't just leave your job, would you?". The answer is... No. I would not JUST leave my job. But I will say this: I think marriage is war. I honestly do. It's war, that we fight to say to our spouse, "I love you. I'm coming home to you: and I won't let anything interfere with that. Therefore, I might need to walk away from that job, because of the "fire" that has been "smoldering" that could potentially "blow up" and ruin us both. Now, I sound like I'm nuts, don't I? And here come the excuses: we need the money; I'll be letting all these people down, etc, etc. Listen ladies, that man that you have become one with... Needs you to stay that way (as best you can). If something's on fire, you wouldn't pour gasoline on it, right? Oddly enough, I learned most of these things in the church which I no longer attend :). Strange. But when there's a "war" going on, sometimes we need to take extraordinary measures to protect ourselves and others. In my case, there are two other people involved... The guy that I have no business marrying... and the guy that I someday will marry. Is being stuck on the wrong guy keeping me from knowing the right one (probably).
We live and we learn, yes...but according to Eric and Leslie Ludy, we can learn to protect our marriage before it even begins. Set guidelines for the opposite sex (friendships) and stick to them. Even before you're married. Think of your future spouse and ask yourself how they would feel if you... (fill in the blank). The book is called "When God Writes your Love Story.". Now, this is radical, isn't it it? But I think that when you find that someone you really want to love...love them radically, with everything you have! :)
I personally have a rule that if I'm FB friends with a man who is engaged or married, I'm also friends with his fiancee'/ wife as well. This way, it's not a situation where only he knows me, and there's no chance that the two of us COULD say or do anything inappropriate because he has accountability, and my mutual respect for both of them is the guard that keeps me in check... I'M NOT GOING THERE! :). I once was seeing a counselor who was a guy... a young guy.
Nothing happened, except what I went in there for; he was helping me work things out... But I stopped going there. It was on the pretext of not being able to afford it, but I stopped going because I realized it was the perfect fuel for starting a fire, if you will. He was a young guy, getting his master's degree, and here I was, face to face with him in a room, alone, telling him about personal things going on at home. I'm not saying that I was attracted to him. In truth, I wasn't, particularly... but no one ever plans to do anything inappropriate, ya know? Now I'm single, of course. I knew he was not married, but did not know whether he had a girlfriend or not. Anyway, the situation reached a different level of uncomfortable when he had me doing these breathing exercises to alleviate anxiety. A great idea... But not under those circumstances. I mean, whether I was attracted to him or not, the breathing exercises had me thinking about doing things (we) shouldn't be! STOP!! :).
I realize now that whether he was single or not wasn't the issue. The honest truth is that I'm single and am hoping to find someone, and I need to take responsibility for the fact that there is a high amount of vulnerability there. Let's face it, nothing makes a woman melt more than when a sensitive guy will allow her to cry with him and spill all of her most intimate dilemmas in front of him. Be careful! :).
There's another situation in my life that I've needed to get away from. This one a bit more serious. Ladies, if you don't drive and you need rides home from church, my advice would be do not take rides home with a single guy who's around your age! Now, in my situation, I thought that this guy liked me, because he'd been talking to me at the singles group we'd started and then gave me his number. It turned out he lived right around the corner from me, too. But, to make the story very short... He had no intentions of a relationship with me... He was just trying to do me a favor. Dammit! Okay, in retrospect, I'm glad that it did not work out. But I ended up having to separate myself from that situation, because I was then left with an attraction to someone that I could do nothing about. I stuck with it for a long time, because nobody wants to leave their church... but the situation escalated, and I found it was too precarious to try and stay away from him. I noticed a resentment building in me... and I knew... This is not good! This unhealthy situation became like a rotten apple that was spoiling the whole barrel. I finally realized... This is not something that try and "solve"... sometimes, you need to just run!
Goodness! I kept thinking "what if this were your job? You wouldn't just leave your job, would you?". The answer is... No. I would not JUST leave my job. But I will say this: I think marriage is war. I honestly do. It's war, that we fight to say to our spouse, "I love you. I'm coming home to you: and I won't let anything interfere with that. Therefore, I might need to walk away from that job, because of the "fire" that has been "smoldering" that could potentially "blow up" and ruin us both. Now, I sound like I'm nuts, don't I? And here come the excuses: we need the money; I'll be letting all these people down, etc, etc. Listen ladies, that man that you have become one with... Needs you to stay that way (as best you can). If something's on fire, you wouldn't pour gasoline on it, right? Oddly enough, I learned most of these things in the church which I no longer attend :). Strange. But when there's a "war" going on, sometimes we need to take extraordinary measures to protect ourselves and others. In my case, there are two other people involved... The guy that I have no business marrying... and the guy that I someday will marry. Is being stuck on the wrong guy keeping me from knowing the right one (probably).
We live and we learn, yes...but according to Eric and Leslie Ludy, we can learn to protect our marriage before it even begins. Set guidelines for the opposite sex (friendships) and stick to them. Even before you're married. Think of your future spouse and ask yourself how they would feel if you... (fill in the blank). The book is called "When God Writes your Love Story.". Now, this is radical, isn't it it? But I think that when you find that someone you really want to love...love them radically, with everything you have! :)
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Guidelines
Online, there are a lot of outlines or guidelines for what men say they want in women. Being that I'm a Christian woman, I looked at some guidelines for what a Christian man would want (generally). I looked at a few, and became overwhelmed rather quickly. Honestly, I thought
"I'd have to be Superwoman to do all those things."
Now, there's nothing wrong with guidelines, in fact, it's good to have at least a general idea of what someone wants. But it was what the lists did not say that made my heart drop a little. I saw things like: "She must serve in her local church and be further dedicated to some further source of ministry for all Christians." Okay...fine. That's a great idea. "She must take care of herself physically and look presentable.". Sure. I agree. This is also a good idea. "She must be willing to stay home with our kids and raise them up in the word of God.". Of course... This would be most ideal, would it not. I know, if I had kids, I would be brokenhearted if I could not stay home with them and bring them up. They're only kids once and it goes by so quickly, too! These are all great things to keep in mind. However, my mind started racing because I feel empathy for the things that our amazing men (Christian or not) might not be taught to consider.
Okay, now, I was looking at the guidelines of Christian guys, because I am one, as I said. But the guidelines of these Christian guys(bless their hearts) really turned me off, if you will. I even found an article that explicitly instructed that if a guy wanted to have enough money to provide (Biblically) for his family, he MUST have a career in math or science, and apparently, there are no exceptions (???). This same article even encouraged women to stay away from guys who want to get into... (there was a list of careers that included Psychology and Human Services and teaching, and others that I can't remember). I found myself thinking, "This is entering into the realm of ridiculous!". For the record, I agree that math and science careers generally bring in good money... But I DO NOT agree that these are the only career fields a man should get into in order to provide for his wife.
Guys, listen...I am not going to now write a list of "guidelines" that I really believe women want. I just feel that there are important principles to keep in mind that can help tremendously. It's about getting to know HER. Some guys are trying to get to know what they WANT her to BECOME before they even meet her. Now there's no crime in this...everyone does it sometimes (girls too). But when it all comes down, guys and girls seem to both want the same thing... To be loved and respected for who they really are. I wouldn't want to try and speak for all of woman-kind when I explain. I can only speak for myself. I know, for me, the one thing I want most from a guy is patience. Now, it's an interesting thing because, when I'm hoping for a guy to say that he likes me... This is the longest wait of my life! Guys, if you wanna tell her you like her... please do! In my opinion, there seems to be something a guy likes about keeping a girl in suspense and just knowing that she's holding her breath for him. I'm not trying to cruel, just my honest opinion. I think a woman's best bet is to fall in love with herself... and stay that way. She won't have to do anything... all she has to do is be. I've heard it said before that guys wish they had a clue as to whether or not a girl liked them. My problem is, I've always been afraid to give a guy any indication. If you chase a guy... he'll run, right? Isn't this the opposite of what you want? So, I back away, so he can step into the space. But I think that he just ends up thinking I don't like him. Goodness sakes!
My feeling is, if he's hoping that she likes him, he should check it out a little. Has she said anything in particular to him? (even if it doesn't seem like much?). Has she talked to anyone else about him? Does she build him up and encourage him? These are huge! Anyway, once the big question of "Do we like each other?" is out of the way, I want patience in a guy. There should be disposition about him that says, "I'm not angry with you.". To put it another way: "You're safe with me.". A big part of this, is me knowing that I'm safe with him on a BAD day. This is the one thing that those articles didn't say. Listen guys... she's not Superwoman. She's flesh and bone, and she gets worn out just like you do. She won't always look presentable. When she wakes up in the morning, her hair is messed up and her breath skinks. Many times, she's just worn out and needs a shoulder to cry on. Does she want to have kids at some point? Always ask her (if that happens to be something that's in your plans at some point.) Obviously, these are not things anyone brings up on a first, or second date! These are for later after you've known her for awhile. Part of the model I saw in the articles I read, was talking about the way these guys wanted their kids raised.
Now, kids are an important topic. I'm not saying worry about following a formula. Just keep it in mind that most of the best women...do not fit the mold. The best women, are not what you'll typically find. Chances are, you'll be in love with her because of what's different about her, right? Ironic, isn't it? We make guidelines so that we know what we're looking for, and then best admire (often) the people who don't fit into them! Crazy! :). Anyway, in my opinion, the 3 most important words a guy can say to a woman are "Thank you sweetie!". That and... "You're wonderful darling!". This helps her know you appreciate her, and helps her feel safe.
It seems to me, that it really isn't too much different with guys. They want to be able to do things at their own pace; they want to be trusted and they want respect. This according to several men older than I am whose opinion I respect. These same men also explained to me that men don't appreciate being instructed. To me, once a man knows and trusts a woman well enough, he'll allow her to instruct him... But I'd imagine it probably rather challenging for a man to "give up" his natural desire to be independent and "hunt" for himself and just do his own thing. So girls, just always be his cheerleader! Be honest with him, but choose your words carefully. Always stack any criticism between two layers of praise so he's not afraid to just "be" with you. He has to feel safe with you. No different than a woman, right? I think the difference is in the way the two are carried out, yes?
Think it all boils down to this: Guys don't like to be put into a mold because they need their freedom. Women don't like to be put into a mold because it means they are predictable and boring. And guys, here's a tip: Her biggest fear is that you'll find some reason(s) that you are bored with her and no longer satisfied and then you'll find some reason to reject her. As long as she can keep you intrigued by her mystery, you'll keep your interest and "awe" of her. This is what she craves more than anything --for you to be in "awe" of her and treasure her above all else. Obviously, this takes time and dedication to get to know her. Guys naturally will "solve" things and then move on, right? Of course... this is as it should be. Never with a woman. We love you Mister (whoever you are). We don't ever want you to walk away, but if you ever "solved" us completely, why would you want to stay? Hence the "mystery" that a woman is. The scary thing for a guy is that he knows he'll never fully figure it out, so he gives into it. If you need further proof of that, just watch "It's A Wonderful Life.". But maybe the biggest mystery of all, is that a guy is most intrigued when a woman is simply being herself, and not trying anything.
Ladies, personally, I would go to my heavenly Father and pray for guidance on being the woman that he has made you to be (just because you're amazing all by yourself). But even if you're not particularly spiritually inclined... Sometimes your guidelines can trap you more than they can free you. Guys... same thing. Sometimes, you can accomplish more by letting go than planning and stratagizing and attempting to have all your "ducks in a row," as they say. But, on that note (and then I'll close) guys. THANKYOU for the sincere effort you put into us. It is not easy, is it? What can we women do, if anything, to simplify it? Or is it best to leave you alone? Girls, it's scary for him to step up. Guys, it's scary for her to back off and trust you to take control (gently, patiently). In my opinion, it's more effective to just keep these things in mind rather than to develop this unchanging "image" of what it seems you want, and then miss out on the most fabulous person you could ever know. (This is for both guys and girls) :). Until next entry, take care!
TS (C) December, 2012.
"I'd have to be Superwoman to do all those things."
Now, there's nothing wrong with guidelines, in fact, it's good to have at least a general idea of what someone wants. But it was what the lists did not say that made my heart drop a little. I saw things like: "She must serve in her local church and be further dedicated to some further source of ministry for all Christians." Okay...fine. That's a great idea. "She must take care of herself physically and look presentable.". Sure. I agree. This is also a good idea. "She must be willing to stay home with our kids and raise them up in the word of God.". Of course... This would be most ideal, would it not. I know, if I had kids, I would be brokenhearted if I could not stay home with them and bring them up. They're only kids once and it goes by so quickly, too! These are all great things to keep in mind. However, my mind started racing because I feel empathy for the things that our amazing men (Christian or not) might not be taught to consider.
Okay, now, I was looking at the guidelines of Christian guys, because I am one, as I said. But the guidelines of these Christian guys(bless their hearts) really turned me off, if you will. I even found an article that explicitly instructed that if a guy wanted to have enough money to provide (Biblically) for his family, he MUST have a career in math or science, and apparently, there are no exceptions (???). This same article even encouraged women to stay away from guys who want to get into... (there was a list of careers that included Psychology and Human Services and teaching, and others that I can't remember). I found myself thinking, "This is entering into the realm of ridiculous!". For the record, I agree that math and science careers generally bring in good money... But I DO NOT agree that these are the only career fields a man should get into in order to provide for his wife.
Guys, listen...I am not going to now write a list of "guidelines" that I really believe women want. I just feel that there are important principles to keep in mind that can help tremendously. It's about getting to know HER. Some guys are trying to get to know what they WANT her to BECOME before they even meet her. Now there's no crime in this...everyone does it sometimes (girls too). But when it all comes down, guys and girls seem to both want the same thing... To be loved and respected for who they really are. I wouldn't want to try and speak for all of woman-kind when I explain. I can only speak for myself. I know, for me, the one thing I want most from a guy is patience. Now, it's an interesting thing because, when I'm hoping for a guy to say that he likes me... This is the longest wait of my life! Guys, if you wanna tell her you like her... please do! In my opinion, there seems to be something a guy likes about keeping a girl in suspense and just knowing that she's holding her breath for him. I'm not trying to cruel, just my honest opinion. I think a woman's best bet is to fall in love with herself... and stay that way. She won't have to do anything... all she has to do is be. I've heard it said before that guys wish they had a clue as to whether or not a girl liked them. My problem is, I've always been afraid to give a guy any indication. If you chase a guy... he'll run, right? Isn't this the opposite of what you want? So, I back away, so he can step into the space. But I think that he just ends up thinking I don't like him. Goodness sakes!
My feeling is, if he's hoping that she likes him, he should check it out a little. Has she said anything in particular to him? (even if it doesn't seem like much?). Has she talked to anyone else about him? Does she build him up and encourage him? These are huge! Anyway, once the big question of "Do we like each other?" is out of the way, I want patience in a guy. There should be disposition about him that says, "I'm not angry with you.". To put it another way: "You're safe with me.". A big part of this, is me knowing that I'm safe with him on a BAD day. This is the one thing that those articles didn't say. Listen guys... she's not Superwoman. She's flesh and bone, and she gets worn out just like you do. She won't always look presentable. When she wakes up in the morning, her hair is messed up and her breath skinks. Many times, she's just worn out and needs a shoulder to cry on. Does she want to have kids at some point? Always ask her (if that happens to be something that's in your plans at some point.) Obviously, these are not things anyone brings up on a first, or second date! These are for later after you've known her for awhile. Part of the model I saw in the articles I read, was talking about the way these guys wanted their kids raised.
Now, kids are an important topic. I'm not saying worry about following a formula. Just keep it in mind that most of the best women...do not fit the mold. The best women, are not what you'll typically find. Chances are, you'll be in love with her because of what's different about her, right? Ironic, isn't it? We make guidelines so that we know what we're looking for, and then best admire (often) the people who don't fit into them! Crazy! :). Anyway, in my opinion, the 3 most important words a guy can say to a woman are "Thank you sweetie!". That and... "You're wonderful darling!". This helps her know you appreciate her, and helps her feel safe.
It seems to me, that it really isn't too much different with guys. They want to be able to do things at their own pace; they want to be trusted and they want respect. This according to several men older than I am whose opinion I respect. These same men also explained to me that men don't appreciate being instructed. To me, once a man knows and trusts a woman well enough, he'll allow her to instruct him... But I'd imagine it probably rather challenging for a man to "give up" his natural desire to be independent and "hunt" for himself and just do his own thing. So girls, just always be his cheerleader! Be honest with him, but choose your words carefully. Always stack any criticism between two layers of praise so he's not afraid to just "be" with you. He has to feel safe with you. No different than a woman, right? I think the difference is in the way the two are carried out, yes?
Think it all boils down to this: Guys don't like to be put into a mold because they need their freedom. Women don't like to be put into a mold because it means they are predictable and boring. And guys, here's a tip: Her biggest fear is that you'll find some reason(s) that you are bored with her and no longer satisfied and then you'll find some reason to reject her. As long as she can keep you intrigued by her mystery, you'll keep your interest and "awe" of her. This is what she craves more than anything --for you to be in "awe" of her and treasure her above all else. Obviously, this takes time and dedication to get to know her. Guys naturally will "solve" things and then move on, right? Of course... this is as it should be. Never with a woman. We love you Mister (whoever you are). We don't ever want you to walk away, but if you ever "solved" us completely, why would you want to stay? Hence the "mystery" that a woman is. The scary thing for a guy is that he knows he'll never fully figure it out, so he gives into it. If you need further proof of that, just watch "It's A Wonderful Life.". But maybe the biggest mystery of all, is that a guy is most intrigued when a woman is simply being herself, and not trying anything.
Ladies, personally, I would go to my heavenly Father and pray for guidance on being the woman that he has made you to be (just because you're amazing all by yourself). But even if you're not particularly spiritually inclined... Sometimes your guidelines can trap you more than they can free you. Guys... same thing. Sometimes, you can accomplish more by letting go than planning and stratagizing and attempting to have all your "ducks in a row," as they say. But, on that note (and then I'll close) guys. THANKYOU for the sincere effort you put into us. It is not easy, is it? What can we women do, if anything, to simplify it? Or is it best to leave you alone? Girls, it's scary for him to step up. Guys, it's scary for her to back off and trust you to take control (gently, patiently). In my opinion, it's more effective to just keep these things in mind rather than to develop this unchanging "image" of what it seems you want, and then miss out on the most fabulous person you could ever know. (This is for both guys and girls) :). Until next entry, take care!
TS (C) December, 2012.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
The Twinkie Defense
I've heard it said that Americans care more about the fact that Hostess stopped making Twinkies (and everything else) then they did about all the violence in Israel.
I don't see how any of us cannot be aware of all that's going on in Israel, considering that every time we turn on the radio or TV.... There it is. It's terrible, it's tragic, and to many of us, it's unbelievably scary.
I don't think it's any mystery that so many seem to be panicking and don't know where to turn. As a result, I think many of us need a reason to be distracted. World famous Twinkie defense to the rescue! Come on, I mean who doesn't remember growing up eating those spongy, golden, cream-filled delights? They were originally created in 1930', during the Great Depresson, and were filled with banana cream. Just a little snack cake, inexpensive and soooo good in your mouth (aren't they)? A little piece of Heaven in a shiny wrapper (at least, they have been as long as I've been alive). Perfect. An escape... A release... and what an awesome name! The way it just kinda makes you smile when ya say it. Apparently, the name was taken from a billboard that said "Twinkle Toes.". Well folks, it doesn't get happier than that. Let's face it, Twinkies remind us of when we were kids! There are tons of nostalgia attached to those golden, spongy, cream-filled delights. (I just love to say that, don't you?). So, when faced with the possibility that these could be gone forever, we thought, if nothing else, we can rush to the store and grab what's left on the shelves, or look up a recipe to make our own.
This isn't much, but it's tangible, it's manageable, it's been a little something we could all do to try to keep the happiness alive. We could post pictures all over Facebook and Twitter, and people were happy to see them. It's a far cry from bloody bodies and bombs going off and distraught people running and screaming in the streets. Let's face it...it's awful beyond comprehension...so must of us are just glad we can't comprehend it. What do we possibly do about THAT??? Now please don't think I mean anything unkind here. It's just that being disappointed about Twinkis seems much more welcoming than worrying about bombs in Israel, or recession, or depression, or losing all we have in a disaster. The Twinkie, I think, represents just a few bites of welcomed relief in the middle of awful chaos. So, if we could run to the store and buy a box or a package, maybe we just wanted to keep the relief effort going.
I don't see how any of us cannot be aware of all that's going on in Israel, considering that every time we turn on the radio or TV.... There it is. It's terrible, it's tragic, and to many of us, it's unbelievably scary.
I don't think it's any mystery that so many seem to be panicking and don't know where to turn. As a result, I think many of us need a reason to be distracted. World famous Twinkie defense to the rescue! Come on, I mean who doesn't remember growing up eating those spongy, golden, cream-filled delights? They were originally created in 1930', during the Great Depresson, and were filled with banana cream. Just a little snack cake, inexpensive and soooo good in your mouth (aren't they)? A little piece of Heaven in a shiny wrapper (at least, they have been as long as I've been alive). Perfect. An escape... A release... and what an awesome name! The way it just kinda makes you smile when ya say it. Apparently, the name was taken from a billboard that said "Twinkle Toes.". Well folks, it doesn't get happier than that. Let's face it, Twinkies remind us of when we were kids! There are tons of nostalgia attached to those golden, spongy, cream-filled delights. (I just love to say that, don't you?). So, when faced with the possibility that these could be gone forever, we thought, if nothing else, we can rush to the store and grab what's left on the shelves, or look up a recipe to make our own.
This isn't much, but it's tangible, it's manageable, it's been a little something we could all do to try to keep the happiness alive. We could post pictures all over Facebook and Twitter, and people were happy to see them. It's a far cry from bloody bodies and bombs going off and distraught people running and screaming in the streets. Let's face it...it's awful beyond comprehension...so must of us are just glad we can't comprehend it. What do we possibly do about THAT??? Now please don't think I mean anything unkind here. It's just that being disappointed about Twinkis seems much more welcoming than worrying about bombs in Israel, or recession, or depression, or losing all we have in a disaster. The Twinkie, I think, represents just a few bites of welcomed relief in the middle of awful chaos. So, if we could run to the store and buy a box or a package, maybe we just wanted to keep the relief effort going.
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