Fragrant Hands

A strange arrangement to comfort the heart--
Someone has made that possible
in the corner of the cell
with giving, generous hands.

and the air is now so softened, I compare it
with the Beloved's hair.
The air is so drowned, I think a body
wearing a jewelrey of blossoms has just
passed this way.

And as the air holds itself together,
a bouquet of compasson
I can say:

Let thousands of watches be set on cages by those
who worship cruelty.
Fidelity will always be in bloom--
This fidelity on which are grafted the defeats
and triumphs of the heart.

Should you, oh air, ever come across her,
my friend of fragrant hands, recite this,
from Hafiz to Shiraz to her:

"Nothing in this world is without terrible barriers--
except love, but only when it begins."

Faiz Ahmed Faiz (1911-1984)

The caption under the title is as follows:
To the anonymous woman who sent me a bouquet of flowers in (jail)?

(The very edge of my page was cut off, but this would explain the line about "cages").

Teach Me...

We teach people how to treat us. How will I teach you to treat me? I'm scared. We can't lean on God perfectly this side of Heaven, because human inconsistency gets in the way. God, show me how to say, "what can I do?". What can I do to make it better... to praise you in the storm... to move my pettiness out of the way? I've heard it said: "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half closed thereafter."
Lord, teach me to sift through and grab onto the good, no matter how hard it gets. Even now, while my husband is only in my mind.
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, considering others as more important than yourselves."
Lord, can I love him enough to do the right thing?
I need all the counsel I can get.

My Darling

Darling, I miss you, though we have never met. How will I know that it's you? How will I tell? Will the romantic in my head leave me alone?
"Where is he, I say... Where is he?"
The idea goes on a pedestal again... of being with you, and building a life. When we say it's in good times and bad, do we secretly wish there will be none of the latter? I want nothing to be more important than you; but life's trials will take over... and sometimes I won't feel.
I won't feel your needs or what you go through; and say "I love you" through clenched teeth.
So will you. This is normal, but will it be shock-- as every idea pre-conceived shatters like broken glass? What do we do?
"Choose to love the Lord your God with all your heart and to obey him and to cling to him, for he is your life."
"Dear God let it be so!" I Love you. :)

I Kissed Dating Goodbye... Really

When Josh Harris wrote his groundbreaking book, I was so relieved because I felt like someone was saying what I'd always wanted to say, but didn't know how. So, I gladly kissed dating goodbye. and was proud of that. The thrill of the Lord finding my husband for me gave me a security and a peace that outweighed the false comfort of "dating" and being in "relationships." It also was a way of giving myself more fully to God. But there was a problem. My mind and heart were still "glued" to finding a man. I didn't see anything wrong with this, because I reasoned that it's God's will that I get married... right?

So, I didn't date, or enter into short term relationships, but my mind and heart were emmersed in the hope of being in my husband's arms... so much so, that, without intending to, I actually created an idol out of marriage itself. The journey realizing this has been long and tough (15 years to be exact). If God had told me when I was sixteen that I'd be waiting that long for my "other half," I think I would've fainted and then given up altogether when I regained consciousness. However, I've now discovered that this is how God creates his miracles. He stretches us further than we ever would've wanted, but then we come out on the other side, and find that God is still with us, and we're okay. I'm still alive and kicking and I can say with absolute certainty, that my life is awesome. I know now that I'm rich in Heavenly blessings and these are the best blessings of all.