So, are you afraid to go out now without a face mask? Stay calm. Do what we're asked to do. But I would think of it as acting in a play... When you're in line at the grocery store, only going in a few folks at a time, you're playing a roll. We are playing a role...our face masks are our costumes...
But let's help each other do what we need to do to keep as calm as possible. 💜💜
https://youtu.be/BvLx17NNlu0
Saturday, April 4, 2020
Tuesday, February 18, 2020
Images
A friend of mine who's now in Heaven once told me that Victoria Hearst had become a Christian. "Hearst?" I thought...As in, related to William Randolph Hearst? As in Hearst Castle? As in, newspapers and magazines? As in the story that the movie "Citizen Kane" is at least partially based on? (Supposedly). Yes. All of the above.
Truth: Just say the word 'Castle" and you have my attention. We have REAL ones...really?? Yes indeed. And down in San Simeon among many, many rolling hills covered in nothing but dry, yellow grass is, a vast, beautiful, unexpected, Roman Columns and green foliage everywhere...castle. Most people, if they know the name Hearst, know it because of the Patty Hearst kidnapping. Maybe they've heard that she was kidnapped back in the seventies, or they've seen the picture of her with the machine gun. Either that, or they know about the castle in California on the coast. But why do I bring up Victoria Hearst? Because I just heard a commercial on a local Christian radio station about Cosmopolitan magazine. It was Victoria Hearst, warning parents that Cosmo contains pornography which can be harmful to children. Cosmopolitan magazine, among many others, is owned by the Hearst Oorporation. I just want to say : "Way to go Victoria! Thank you.". I feel this is a brave thing for her to do, considering that the empire begun by her famous family has remained the giant that it is largely due to...images.
Victoria, is the youngest of five children born to Randolph Apperson Hearst and Catherine Campbell Hearst. She is Patricia Hearst's younger sister (Patricia being the third of five children), and both are of course, granddaughters of William Randolph Hearst, who began the Hearst Corporation, and built the famous castle, known by the family as "The Ranch". Randolph A. Hearst and his brother David, are twin boys (not identical), the youngest of five children born to William Randolph Hearst and his wife Millicent.
William Randolph Hearst was born in San Francisco, CA on April 29, 1863; the only child of George Hearst and his wife Phoebe Apperson Hearst. His father was a U.S. senator who quite literally, owned a goldmine. He was a millionaire mining engineer. The beginning of the Hearst Corporation can quite easily become a Labrynth that one can get lost in. In fact, it may just be easier to watch the 1941 Orsen Wells flick "Citizen Kane" to get a feel for what the famous tycoon's life was like. He attended Harvard where he was involved in many activities & was later expelled for various unflattering antics. Needing a job, in 1887, he took over the San Francisco "Examiner," a newspaper his father had received, apparently, as repayment for a gambling debt. Hearst gave his paper the motto "Monarch of the Dailies", and always hired the very best in every field, including writing. Hearst would eventually have Mark Twain and Jack London writing for him, and he would later go on to buy the "New York Morning Journal" which had contributors such as Stephen Crane (The Red Badge of Courage) and Julian Hawthorne.
Truth: Just say the word 'Castle" and you have my attention. We have REAL ones...really?? Yes indeed. And down in San Simeon among many, many rolling hills covered in nothing but dry, yellow grass is, a vast, beautiful, unexpected, Roman Columns and green foliage everywhere...castle. Most people, if they know the name Hearst, know it because of the Patty Hearst kidnapping. Maybe they've heard that she was kidnapped back in the seventies, or they've seen the picture of her with the machine gun. Either that, or they know about the castle in California on the coast. But why do I bring up Victoria Hearst? Because I just heard a commercial on a local Christian radio station about Cosmopolitan magazine. It was Victoria Hearst, warning parents that Cosmo contains pornography which can be harmful to children. Cosmopolitan magazine, among many others, is owned by the Hearst Oorporation. I just want to say : "Way to go Victoria! Thank you.". I feel this is a brave thing for her to do, considering that the empire begun by her famous family has remained the giant that it is largely due to...images.
Victoria, is the youngest of five children born to Randolph Apperson Hearst and Catherine Campbell Hearst. She is Patricia Hearst's younger sister (Patricia being the third of five children), and both are of course, granddaughters of William Randolph Hearst, who began the Hearst Corporation, and built the famous castle, known by the family as "The Ranch". Randolph A. Hearst and his brother David, are twin boys (not identical), the youngest of five children born to William Randolph Hearst and his wife Millicent.
William Randolph Hearst was born in San Francisco, CA on April 29, 1863; the only child of George Hearst and his wife Phoebe Apperson Hearst. His father was a U.S. senator who quite literally, owned a goldmine. He was a millionaire mining engineer. The beginning of the Hearst Corporation can quite easily become a Labrynth that one can get lost in. In fact, it may just be easier to watch the 1941 Orsen Wells flick "Citizen Kane" to get a feel for what the famous tycoon's life was like. He attended Harvard where he was involved in many activities & was later expelled for various unflattering antics. Needing a job, in 1887, he took over the San Francisco "Examiner," a newspaper his father had received, apparently, as repayment for a gambling debt. Hearst gave his paper the motto "Monarch of the Dailies", and always hired the very best in every field, including writing. Hearst would eventually have Mark Twain and Jack London writing for him, and he would later go on to buy the "New York Morning Journal" which had contributors such as Stephen Crane (The Red Badge of Courage) and Julian Hawthorne.
That "uhh-Oh" Feeling
You know there just is not much that's taught about dealing with lust in the church. And I mean, what do we practically, literally DO when we are dealing with this, and wonderful, well meaning, lovely people want to quote 2 Timothy 2:22 to us? This verse after all, tells us that it is a good thing to fellowship with like minded believers whose focus is on Yeshua (as a means of "steering clear" of the temptation, I think). Absolutely! Wonderful! Splendid! But what if, while you're involved in this amazing fellowship...you want to lean over and kiss the person next to you? Take heart, married folks, I'm not wanting to tempt you in any way...but lets face it...this happens, right?
Right now, I'm speaking more to those who are unmarried, and maybe they want to be...and they are trying to "keep themselves" only for their spouse, but they are also wondering when it's going to happen for them. They are, "on the look out" (they are!) and they are wondering who this amazing person they are supposed to marry could be. First of all,, I know what you're already thinking: "Don't sit right next to them!" (Duh!). And you would be right...I think this needs to be rule number one. However, it seems to me, that we can physically move away from that person all we want; but where is our heart in all of that? If a "seed" has already been planted...it will grow! (That is, if we meditate on it). Besides, the fellowship in a church is all about a unity and a coming together, rather than a tearing apart. So, it makes sense to me that when such a seed has been planted for whatever reason, a certain anxiety and a guilt is also allowed to grow, and can even begin to fester...as we are now faced with...avoiding that person?... But not?
What are they supposed to do...not make eye contact with us? We are going to be in the same building with them for a while doing things TOGETHER...so how is this even possible? Do we look for where they are...and then sit at another table? In another pew? Yes, sometimes, I think this needs to be done, to be honest...but, how sad! This is sad, because now there is a "division" (if you will) in G-d's family...there's a "disturbance in the force" you might say...and what do we do about it? I'm not really sure...but I really believe that there is more to it than just reminding ourselves that there is (nothing new) that we could ever be tempted with. Now, it's good to know that temptation is "common to man.". We can take heart, because none of us are exempt from this. The thing is, how many of you have dealt with this issue and then felt even worse when you remembered the words of Yeshua: "But I say to you that if any man looks on a woman with lust in his heart, he has committed adultery"? Now, Yeshua was right...I'm certainly not saying that he wasn't...but as far as looking on someone with lust in our hearts...each of us (men and women) probably do that everyday...no attraction necessary. I think we do... because we can do it and it doesn't even compute...while watching TV, while on the internet... maybe driving somewhere. It happens...and we don't even notice it.
I'm talking about the times where we almost seem "set up" to do the wrong thing...not by any person, but through circumstance.
Right now, I'm speaking more to those who are unmarried, and maybe they want to be...and they are trying to "keep themselves" only for their spouse, but they are also wondering when it's going to happen for them. They are, "on the look out" (they are!) and they are wondering who this amazing person they are supposed to marry could be. First of all,, I know what you're already thinking: "Don't sit right next to them!" (Duh!). And you would be right...I think this needs to be rule number one. However, it seems to me, that we can physically move away from that person all we want; but where is our heart in all of that? If a "seed" has already been planted...it will grow! (That is, if we meditate on it). Besides, the fellowship in a church is all about a unity and a coming together, rather than a tearing apart. So, it makes sense to me that when such a seed has been planted for whatever reason, a certain anxiety and a guilt is also allowed to grow, and can even begin to fester...as we are now faced with...avoiding that person?... But not?
What are they supposed to do...not make eye contact with us? We are going to be in the same building with them for a while doing things TOGETHER...so how is this even possible? Do we look for where they are...and then sit at another table? In another pew? Yes, sometimes, I think this needs to be done, to be honest...but, how sad! This is sad, because now there is a "division" (if you will) in G-d's family...there's a "disturbance in the force" you might say...and what do we do about it? I'm not really sure...but I really believe that there is more to it than just reminding ourselves that there is (nothing new) that we could ever be tempted with. Now, it's good to know that temptation is "common to man.". We can take heart, because none of us are exempt from this. The thing is, how many of you have dealt with this issue and then felt even worse when you remembered the words of Yeshua: "But I say to you that if any man looks on a woman with lust in his heart, he has committed adultery"? Now, Yeshua was right...I'm certainly not saying that he wasn't...but as far as looking on someone with lust in our hearts...each of us (men and women) probably do that everyday...no attraction necessary. I think we do... because we can do it and it doesn't even compute...while watching TV, while on the internet... maybe driving somewhere. It happens...and we don't even notice it.
I'm talking about the times where we almost seem "set up" to do the wrong thing...not by any person, but through circumstance.
Johnny
I've written before about meeting Joni Ereckson Tada at a family retreat. Joni of course, is a Christian speaker and author with a successful radio program airing on many Christian radio stations. Joni is also a tireless advocate for people with disabilities. She is herself, a quadriplegic. In her case, it was a diving accident at the age of sixteen. I once received some stationary as a gift that had on it paintings that Joni had done. On the back of the box, was a small photo of the artist herself...leaning over a table with a paintbrush in her mouth...having created this absolutely gorgeous sunset! But I have to say, the thing that surprised me most about Joni...was her name. I thought it was "Joanie" and she just spelled it differently. But, it isn't...it's "Johnny" like Johnny Appleseed.
But this story is actually about a different Johnny. When I was eight years old, I saw a paralyzed person for the first time. I'd been invited to a friend's birthday party. I walked in the house and saw the backside of an electric wheel chair. The chair had a ventilator on the back with hoses attached. (Seems to me like there was more than one hose attached). The chair seemed gigantic, I saw the rubber handles on top with the ribbing, and up above that, was someone's head. From the back, he reminded me of what I would call a Jesus hippie: Long hair; brown, about shoulder length, and a bandanna tied around his forehead...it was navy. I saw from the back, where it was tied of course.
To me this was a lot of equipment I had never seen before...with someone's head at the top. I still remember the noise his ventilator made, as it inhaled and exhaled in and out. Sort of a motorized, computerized "push" of oxygen. Even though I knew I was seeing the back of a man, I remember asking
"What is that?"
THAT was my friend's uncle Johnny, WHO became one of the most memorable people I ever knew. Now, when I say my friend, I should clarify, her name is Elvia, and she is my friend for life. We began to get to know each other at about the age of five, and are still friends today. As kids, we spent countless weekends watching movies till late into the night, which brings me to the first thing I remember about Johnny...the VCR (remember those) was in his part of the house. There were three rooms that made up Johnny's main living space, his bedroom, his bathroom across the hall and the entryway between the two that allowed Johnny to go between these rooms, and also into the garrage. There was a wheel chair ramp that went from the back door, through the garrage. This led onto the driveway in the front yard. On sunny days, Johnny would often be waiting outside to see the school bus pull up and bring Elvia home. the main room was where the TV and VCR was. We'd sit up on Johnny's huge bed, it's metal sides moved out of the way, and just watch way too much TV...after we'd fixed whatever we wanted to eat of course. But on this first occasion we met, there was a birthday party... third and fourth grade girls playing party games, eating cake, playing music and just being kids...
Johnny, to me, quickly became like one of us, just playing a game: He would tell a joke, and then tell us where to hide...of course, then he would tell the one who was "it" where we were! And then, sometimes... (look out)...he would chase us in that chair! In the front, Johnny had a device that let him move his chair with his mouth. A grey, sort of "control switch" was attached to a metal bar that brought it to his lips. Being a quadriplegic, Johnny did everything with his lips including smile and tell jokes. He had one of the most distinctive smiles I've ever seen on anyone. His eyes seemed to light up so brightly.
But this story is actually about a different Johnny. When I was eight years old, I saw a paralyzed person for the first time. I'd been invited to a friend's birthday party. I walked in the house and saw the backside of an electric wheel chair. The chair had a ventilator on the back with hoses attached. (Seems to me like there was more than one hose attached). The chair seemed gigantic, I saw the rubber handles on top with the ribbing, and up above that, was someone's head. From the back, he reminded me of what I would call a Jesus hippie: Long hair; brown, about shoulder length, and a bandanna tied around his forehead...it was navy. I saw from the back, where it was tied of course.
To me this was a lot of equipment I had never seen before...with someone's head at the top. I still remember the noise his ventilator made, as it inhaled and exhaled in and out. Sort of a motorized, computerized "push" of oxygen. Even though I knew I was seeing the back of a man, I remember asking
"What is that?"
THAT was my friend's uncle Johnny, WHO became one of the most memorable people I ever knew. Now, when I say my friend, I should clarify, her name is Elvia, and she is my friend for life. We began to get to know each other at about the age of five, and are still friends today. As kids, we spent countless weekends watching movies till late into the night, which brings me to the first thing I remember about Johnny...the VCR (remember those) was in his part of the house. There were three rooms that made up Johnny's main living space, his bedroom, his bathroom across the hall and the entryway between the two that allowed Johnny to go between these rooms, and also into the garrage. There was a wheel chair ramp that went from the back door, through the garrage. This led onto the driveway in the front yard. On sunny days, Johnny would often be waiting outside to see the school bus pull up and bring Elvia home. the main room was where the TV and VCR was. We'd sit up on Johnny's huge bed, it's metal sides moved out of the way, and just watch way too much TV...after we'd fixed whatever we wanted to eat of course. But on this first occasion we met, there was a birthday party... third and fourth grade girls playing party games, eating cake, playing music and just being kids...
Johnny, to me, quickly became like one of us, just playing a game: He would tell a joke, and then tell us where to hide...of course, then he would tell the one who was "it" where we were! And then, sometimes... (look out)...he would chase us in that chair! In the front, Johnny had a device that let him move his chair with his mouth. A grey, sort of "control switch" was attached to a metal bar that brought it to his lips. Being a quadriplegic, Johnny did everything with his lips including smile and tell jokes. He had one of the most distinctive smiles I've ever seen on anyone. His eyes seemed to light up so brightly.
Saturday, February 15, 2020
Review: "Trump's Last Hurrah (What Trump Can Do) By Dr. Syd Harriet
First lady Malania Trump has said that there is nothing negative she has to say about her husband, and that the two of them never fight.
Meanwhile, our president likes to abuse the American public mercilessly through angry, vindictive tweets. He won't read documents or teleprompters, making things up as he goes, has made countless geographical errors while minimizing human suffering due to fires, mass shootings, and death due to the rapidly spreading Carona Virus.
He's been known to be unbearably cruel to anyone disabled or with special needs, mocking them whenever there's a crowd, or behind their backs, according to many who've suffered through it. Not to worry-- he knows how to accessorize. He has a tangerine face and hair to match. The red tie he often wears goes perfectly with the sea of "Make America Great Again" hats we often gaze on due to the fact that 81 percent of Evangelical Christian voters support him.
Dare to say that our leader is not as pure as the driven snow, and you are shunned for your refusal to support him. Back up your refusal with proof, and you are told that it is all fake news and advised to check your sources. Confused? Yeah, so am I. So what's REALLY going on here? Let's just suppose that President Trump was in therapy...
Dr. Syd Harriet examines this not only with clarity, but with amazing compassion. This clever read is a "what if" scenario from an experienced psychologist, examining a suggested treatment plan that would show narcissistic Donald Trump how to achieve what he wants through a process of taking off the mask, and examining the man underneath; which in reality, is hidden from the public at all costs, because narcissists don't deal in truth. The charade Trump has put in place must stay there, or all his fakery will be exposed.
"Mr. President, what you will learn is that you really won't care the next time your decisions are challenged. It's simply a new way of thinking by considering that you could be wrong. And this strategy doesn't demand a highly polished skill set. It's just allowing yourself to be actively curious about your blind spots."
Can you imagine? This book examines our current president's journey to where he is today and some specific humiliations which seem to've caused Trump to retaliate, if you will.
Let's just suppose President Obama for example, became someone our precedent had to annihilate, as a result of "being raked over the coals with jokes and sarcastic banter" at the State Dinner?
With seemingly two extremes going at full speed with this presidency; one being unwavering support of such despicable behavior that can only be sustained with a denial that ignores the truth, and the other, being anger, contempt and bewilderment from those who are seeing that Trump's denial is hurting others; this book helps readers gain some traction and balance and fresh perspective.
Readers can see through the facade, with an empathy and compassion, and the reminder that there is an actual person underneath all this who has been unable and unwilling to face himself. But this examination does not sugar coat or deny Trump's deplorable behavior, or give unearned merit. This book can remind us how willing we all would love to be to support our president if only he were willing to be honest and vulnerable. If only...
Meanwhile, our president likes to abuse the American public mercilessly through angry, vindictive tweets. He won't read documents or teleprompters, making things up as he goes, has made countless geographical errors while minimizing human suffering due to fires, mass shootings, and death due to the rapidly spreading Carona Virus.
He's been known to be unbearably cruel to anyone disabled or with special needs, mocking them whenever there's a crowd, or behind their backs, according to many who've suffered through it. Not to worry-- he knows how to accessorize. He has a tangerine face and hair to match. The red tie he often wears goes perfectly with the sea of "Make America Great Again" hats we often gaze on due to the fact that 81 percent of Evangelical Christian voters support him.
Dare to say that our leader is not as pure as the driven snow, and you are shunned for your refusal to support him. Back up your refusal with proof, and you are told that it is all fake news and advised to check your sources. Confused? Yeah, so am I. So what's REALLY going on here? Let's just suppose that President Trump was in therapy...
Dr. Syd Harriet examines this not only with clarity, but with amazing compassion. This clever read is a "what if" scenario from an experienced psychologist, examining a suggested treatment plan that would show narcissistic Donald Trump how to achieve what he wants through a process of taking off the mask, and examining the man underneath; which in reality, is hidden from the public at all costs, because narcissists don't deal in truth. The charade Trump has put in place must stay there, or all his fakery will be exposed.
"Mr. President, what you will learn is that you really won't care the next time your decisions are challenged. It's simply a new way of thinking by considering that you could be wrong. And this strategy doesn't demand a highly polished skill set. It's just allowing yourself to be actively curious about your blind spots."
Can you imagine? This book examines our current president's journey to where he is today and some specific humiliations which seem to've caused Trump to retaliate, if you will.
Let's just suppose President Obama for example, became someone our precedent had to annihilate, as a result of "being raked over the coals with jokes and sarcastic banter" at the State Dinner?
With seemingly two extremes going at full speed with this presidency; one being unwavering support of such despicable behavior that can only be sustained with a denial that ignores the truth, and the other, being anger, contempt and bewilderment from those who are seeing that Trump's denial is hurting others; this book helps readers gain some traction and balance and fresh perspective.
Readers can see through the facade, with an empathy and compassion, and the reminder that there is an actual person underneath all this who has been unable and unwilling to face himself. But this examination does not sugar coat or deny Trump's deplorable behavior, or give unearned merit. This book can remind us how willing we all would love to be to support our president if only he were willing to be honest and vulnerable. If only...
Monday, January 27, 2020
My Kobe Story
I do have a Kobe Story. Just yesterday, basketball great Kobe Bryant was tragically killed in a helicopter crash at the young age of 41. His 13 year old daughter Gianna was also killed. So all day, news and social media exploded with heartfelt condolences for the man who has been called the greatest Laker of all time. The whole world now seems awash with purple and gold. We are sad. Just very very sad...trying to cling onto someone so many thought of as their hero. For that reason, I almost wish I could take my experience and hand it over to someone else...
Somewhere around 2010, I went to see a Lakers game at UNLV, University of Nevada, Las Vegas. My mother, my sister and I went. We blasted our favorite songs in the car driving there, we played slots, and played more slots, we watched the fountains at the Velagio Hotel, we walked up and down the Srip, we found the "Pawn Stars" Pawn Shop and went inside to have a look. We also got red velvet cupcakes at Freed's Bakerey, another place we'd seen on TV. The Titanic Exhibit was on display at the Luxor, so we just had to go. There was a giant piece of temperature controlled ice, kept at 28 degrees-- the exact degrees of the freezing water the night of the sinking. I held my arm up to the freezing block and counted. I made it to six and couldn't stand it anymore. I backed away, and thought "Ugly way to die."
But of course, none of this has to with the loveable six foot six hero who lost his life yesterday. Somewhere in the middle of all our fun, we sat high up in the stands at the University and watched the Lakers play the Sacramento Kings. I have never been much of a basketball fan. In truth I would not be a fan of Basketball at all, had it not been for Kobe Bryant. My mom and sister lived for Basketball season. I would try to get in on it with them and somehow always get my information wrong: the wrong team, the wrong player, the wrong season, the wrong game. It just wasn't my passion like it was for them. But there WERE and are, three things I loved: The gold and purple, seeing Jack Nicholson on the floor...and Kobe Bryant. To me, Kobe was to the Lakers what Joe Montanna had been for the 49ers. In fact, Kobe was better. Who always got the three pointer that changed the game...that WON the game...often with only a second left? Who managed to get AMAZING amounts of points per game that surpassed every other player? Who dominated every game and everybody loved it? Who was always known as the most dedicated player, even to other basketball greats like Michael Jordan and Shaquille O'Neal? Kobe. Always Kobe. I thought it was cool that his number was 24 because there are 24 hours in a day. It was like it stood for some kind of perfect order or something.
So here I was, watching KOBE BRYANT dribble the ball up and down the court. "Wow, " I thought. "That's KOBE!! That's AMAZING. I t seems comical in retrospect, because the three of us, screaming our lungs out, along with everybody else in the room, had to be sitting right behind possibly the only 3 (or was it 4?)? "Kings" fans in the whole Arena (judging from what they were wearing). I got the impression that these folks were from another country, simply because they were not the typical American sports fans in any way. Even if someone is cheering for the other team...they clap, they hoot, they holler, they stand up at least once. These folks sat perfectly still, they didn't clap and to my knowledge they didn't make any noise...right in the middle of crazy, screaming, LAKERS mania!! Funny, the things that stick in someone's mind. This detail may seem unimportant, but, see the basketball was secondary to me. I was here because I was invited to go to Vegas and do all those other things. I was here because there was an extra ticket. I was here because it was a chance to get out of the house. And...(drumroll)... there was Kobe! There was Kobe! THERE WAS KOBE!!! So, they WON. The Lakers WON! Kobe WON!! But as to the final score...I couldn't tell ya. I don't remember. As grateful as I am now that I got to be there, as was said, I wish I could've wrapped that experience up and given it to someone else as a present: A young boy whose dad had been deployed, or a disabled child unable to leave a hospital bed. Someone who applied to have a wish granted by "Make A Wish Foundation" maybe. But someone for whom Kobe was their hero; someone who knew how many points Kobe got in every game. Someone who simply would've appreciated it so much more than I did at the time. Yesterday, we all held our breath, trying to grasp that Kobe is gone. Many many people are so thankful today that they got to see him play; but still many more wish that they could have. The loveable "teddy bear" of a guy who won at basketball and then won an Academy award as suddenly been taken from us, and we are in shock. When it comes to Basketball, for many, Kobe was the entire game. Now that game is over. Kobe will be missed, and now for many, including me, much more appreciated as a basketball player than he ever was before.
But he was also a husband, a father, a buddy, a tireless humanitarian, a good friend, an artist, an Oscar winner and an amazing role model. So, even for those who knew nothing about basketball, they knew something about Kobe Bryant.So. So to a he'll of a player: Glad I got to see you in action. Fly high, and may you alwats score three pointers wherever you are now.
Somewhere around 2010, I went to see a Lakers game at UNLV, University of Nevada, Las Vegas. My mother, my sister and I went. We blasted our favorite songs in the car driving there, we played slots, and played more slots, we watched the fountains at the Velagio Hotel, we walked up and down the Srip, we found the "Pawn Stars" Pawn Shop and went inside to have a look. We also got red velvet cupcakes at Freed's Bakerey, another place we'd seen on TV. The Titanic Exhibit was on display at the Luxor, so we just had to go. There was a giant piece of temperature controlled ice, kept at 28 degrees-- the exact degrees of the freezing water the night of the sinking. I held my arm up to the freezing block and counted. I made it to six and couldn't stand it anymore. I backed away, and thought "Ugly way to die."
But of course, none of this has to with the loveable six foot six hero who lost his life yesterday. Somewhere in the middle of all our fun, we sat high up in the stands at the University and watched the Lakers play the Sacramento Kings. I have never been much of a basketball fan. In truth I would not be a fan of Basketball at all, had it not been for Kobe Bryant. My mom and sister lived for Basketball season. I would try to get in on it with them and somehow always get my information wrong: the wrong team, the wrong player, the wrong season, the wrong game. It just wasn't my passion like it was for them. But there WERE and are, three things I loved: The gold and purple, seeing Jack Nicholson on the floor...and Kobe Bryant. To me, Kobe was to the Lakers what Joe Montanna had been for the 49ers. In fact, Kobe was better. Who always got the three pointer that changed the game...that WON the game...often with only a second left? Who managed to get AMAZING amounts of points per game that surpassed every other player? Who dominated every game and everybody loved it? Who was always known as the most dedicated player, even to other basketball greats like Michael Jordan and Shaquille O'Neal? Kobe. Always Kobe. I thought it was cool that his number was 24 because there are 24 hours in a day. It was like it stood for some kind of perfect order or something.
So here I was, watching KOBE BRYANT dribble the ball up and down the court. "Wow, " I thought. "That's KOBE!! That's AMAZING. I t seems comical in retrospect, because the three of us, screaming our lungs out, along with everybody else in the room, had to be sitting right behind possibly the only 3 (or was it 4?)? "Kings" fans in the whole Arena (judging from what they were wearing). I got the impression that these folks were from another country, simply because they were not the typical American sports fans in any way. Even if someone is cheering for the other team...they clap, they hoot, they holler, they stand up at least once. These folks sat perfectly still, they didn't clap and to my knowledge they didn't make any noise...right in the middle of crazy, screaming, LAKERS mania!! Funny, the things that stick in someone's mind. This detail may seem unimportant, but, see the basketball was secondary to me. I was here because I was invited to go to Vegas and do all those other things. I was here because there was an extra ticket. I was here because it was a chance to get out of the house. And...(drumroll)... there was Kobe! There was Kobe! THERE WAS KOBE!!! So, they WON. The Lakers WON! Kobe WON!! But as to the final score...I couldn't tell ya. I don't remember. As grateful as I am now that I got to be there, as was said, I wish I could've wrapped that experience up and given it to someone else as a present: A young boy whose dad had been deployed, or a disabled child unable to leave a hospital bed. Someone who applied to have a wish granted by "Make A Wish Foundation" maybe. But someone for whom Kobe was their hero; someone who knew how many points Kobe got in every game. Someone who simply would've appreciated it so much more than I did at the time. Yesterday, we all held our breath, trying to grasp that Kobe is gone. Many many people are so thankful today that they got to see him play; but still many more wish that they could have. The loveable "teddy bear" of a guy who won at basketball and then won an Academy award as suddenly been taken from us, and we are in shock. When it comes to Basketball, for many, Kobe was the entire game. Now that game is over. Kobe will be missed, and now for many, including me, much more appreciated as a basketball player than he ever was before.
But he was also a husband, a father, a buddy, a tireless humanitarian, a good friend, an artist, an Oscar winner and an amazing role model. So, even for those who knew nothing about basketball, they knew something about Kobe Bryant.So. So to a he'll of a player: Glad I got to see you in action. Fly high, and may you alwats score three pointers wherever you are now.
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
Parents, get it together...Literally
Sometimes, when I'm on the web, reruns of Dr. Phil are on TV, and I am tuning in here and there. Today, there is a 14 year old girl on the show with her parents. This little sweetie dresses way too provocatively for her young age, and her parents are trying to convince her of that. They are also, literally pointing fingers at each other insisting that everything is the other parent's fault.
I stared at this girl's mom for a minute...and then at her daughter. The mother is wearing a black mini-dress with black leather boots that go just above her knees. She has on a red and black blazer that does have a conservative appearance to it...but seated on the stage, all I can see are her thighs in black nylons, the top of her boots and that blazer. Her dress is so short that when she's seated, the blazer hangs over it...and she looks like she doesn't have on half of her clothes.
Her 14 year old daughter, is ALSO wearing black boots, just above the knee, with a short, black (dress or skirt). Her nylons are beige, rather than black...but the point is, like mother like daughter! From the waist down, they are just about identical, and if what I'm saying sounds a bit immodest, it matches the way these two women look. In the course of the show, it has come out that this mother has bought this young girl thong underwear...HELLO?? That doesn't send a CONFUSING message??
We need to teach our children how to protect themselves, be responsible adults and STOP giving all their power away! I can't believe Dr. Phil hasn't said to this mother that her child is only copying the way that SHE is dressing! People, she's a TEENAGER!!! Teens are SUPPOSED to rebel and push, and test limits, and parents are supposed to SET those limits and stick to them. Do these parents love their children or themselves?? I see this father blaming the mother for everything going on and the mother blaming the father, while she's out buying her daughter thong underwear! In the meantime, this daughter gets to keep leaving the house looking like "bait" for some scumbag who has no qualms about feeling a false sense of power when he possibly rapes her, psychologically and physically making himself one with her, and possibly getting her pregnant. Tell me, what good will finger pointing do then??
I stared at this girl's mom for a minute...and then at her daughter. The mother is wearing a black mini-dress with black leather boots that go just above her knees. She has on a red and black blazer that does have a conservative appearance to it...but seated on the stage, all I can see are her thighs in black nylons, the top of her boots and that blazer. Her dress is so short that when she's seated, the blazer hangs over it...and she looks like she doesn't have on half of her clothes.
Her 14 year old daughter, is ALSO wearing black boots, just above the knee, with a short, black (dress or skirt). Her nylons are beige, rather than black...but the point is, like mother like daughter! From the waist down, they are just about identical, and if what I'm saying sounds a bit immodest, it matches the way these two women look. In the course of the show, it has come out that this mother has bought this young girl thong underwear...HELLO?? That doesn't send a CONFUSING message??
We need to teach our children how to protect themselves, be responsible adults and STOP giving all their power away! I can't believe Dr. Phil hasn't said to this mother that her child is only copying the way that SHE is dressing! People, she's a TEENAGER!!! Teens are SUPPOSED to rebel and push, and test limits, and parents are supposed to SET those limits and stick to them. Do these parents love their children or themselves?? I see this father blaming the mother for everything going on and the mother blaming the father, while she's out buying her daughter thong underwear! In the meantime, this daughter gets to keep leaving the house looking like "bait" for some scumbag who has no qualms about feeling a false sense of power when he possibly rapes her, psychologically and physically making himself one with her, and possibly getting her pregnant. Tell me, what good will finger pointing do then??
Friday, April 15, 2016
Convenience?
I read and hear a lot of talk about the apostle Paul learning to be content in every circumstance. I just read another article about it online. As usual, something pricked the inside of me as I read. It was all about how (we) always have to have the latest thing that's out...whatever that is. We don't really NEED it...but we want it. (Be it make-up or clothes)... whatever. Great message. However I wonder what the apostle Paul himself might say today, if he heard that we (might be) having a bad day because...our Internet went out or, we need to have the AC in our car fixed.
Don't worry...I do not want to write this in order to compare our seemingly mundane struggles with that of a man who was beaten, whipped, thrown in prison and then left for dead, in order to prove a point, that (we, today) have no (good) reason to be discontent or unhappy. A person might be pretty well off, and enjoy many conveniences...but this does not mean that we should compare this person with the apostle Paul, as though there should never be any struggles in their life.
Sometimes things really hurt, and at the same time, they also need to be endured for a long time. The fact is, when these two realities are "meshed" together in our lives, we can feel abandoned, and betrayed, and needing to cry out to the Lord pleading with him about what he's doing in our lives. This is (most likely) not the same as being whipped, beaten and left for dead...true. But, I feel that to say that (we) always have to have the latest things, and we never seem to be satisfied...while often true...does not really even address what the APOSTLE PAUL actually MEANT, while the same comparison also seems to take people going through deep, legitimate hurts, and throw them under the bus as well. Each one of us has been "assigned" our own cup and portion in life...and this includes deep hurts, grieving, and crying out to G-d.
The fact is, waiting on the Lord often is very painful. This is because we reach a point where we are forced to FEEL that we truly can't do it anymore. It is then, that G-d "stretches" who we are...because we must take hold of his hand, and walk through it anyway. In other words, when we might feel something should be lifted (as it were) from our lives because it IS too much...G-d will seem to say that he is just getting started. This is painful. This is hard. There's only one person in the world destined to go through what the apostle Paul went through...and that was the apostle Paul himself. He was assigned HIS portion and HIS cup...and G-d did grant him the courage and grace he needed to get through it all. But I want to encourage you, my friend...never feel badly because you aren't the apostle Paul. Never give in to the "subliminal" message that says, you ought to beat yourself up, because you don't REQUIRE the amount of grace that the APOSTLE PAUL did...and yet, here you are complaining. Never think that you have no right to feel your feelings because the apostle PAUL mastered the art of being content...yet you can't. This is an unfair, unnecessary comparison. You are only yourself. This is your portion and your cup. You are the only person you need worry about being, and yes...sometimes it is...too much. You don't need to worry about feeling anything but what you feel.
Losing someone we love is difficult. Change is difficult. Having patience when we feel we are at the end of our rope is difficult. Illnesses and injuries are difficult. Grief is difficult. Waiting longer than we ever expected we would wait...is difficult. Sometimes we know we are down, and we wonder when we might ever be able to get back up. In my opinion, the problem often comes when we treat these profound struggles...as though they are nothing more than...the latest thing we think we have to have, but we have to do without it. This is an unfair comparison when there is an ache too deep to explain on the inside. None of us are the apostle Paul. But this is for those of us whose discontentedness stems from much more than just wanting to have the latest thing. Could it be, that no matter how deep our discontent is, we are encouraged at every turn to try and "medicate" it with the latest thing out there? Maybe this is why it seems we always think we have to have the latest...whatever. So, is this really why we are so discontent? Somehow, I'd doubt that.
By the way...how do we know that the apostle Paul DIDN'T have nights where he cried himself to sleep? How do we know he wasn't in despair beyond belief after being lashed and beaten? I would imagine it wasn't a picnic being chained up in prison for proclaiming Christ is Lord. Paul had a hard life, and he knew it. I'd say just because the scriptures themselves don't get further into that hardshp, does not mean that he did not feel anything, or that he did not go through enormous grief that was hard to comprehend. We tend to treat our deepest struggles like we are exchanging an outfit at the store, or heating something up in a microwave, I think. The human heart was never meant to function in such a way. Learning to be content in every circumstance, does not mean that there is no hardship and that nothing hurts. And the apostle Paul was just as human as we all are. Hang in there, little lamb...you're going to be okay! :))
Don't worry...I do not want to write this in order to compare our seemingly mundane struggles with that of a man who was beaten, whipped, thrown in prison and then left for dead, in order to prove a point, that (we, today) have no (good) reason to be discontent or unhappy. A person might be pretty well off, and enjoy many conveniences...but this does not mean that we should compare this person with the apostle Paul, as though there should never be any struggles in their life.
Sometimes things really hurt, and at the same time, they also need to be endured for a long time. The fact is, when these two realities are "meshed" together in our lives, we can feel abandoned, and betrayed, and needing to cry out to the Lord pleading with him about what he's doing in our lives. This is (most likely) not the same as being whipped, beaten and left for dead...true. But, I feel that to say that (we) always have to have the latest things, and we never seem to be satisfied...while often true...does not really even address what the APOSTLE PAUL actually MEANT, while the same comparison also seems to take people going through deep, legitimate hurts, and throw them under the bus as well. Each one of us has been "assigned" our own cup and portion in life...and this includes deep hurts, grieving, and crying out to G-d.
The fact is, waiting on the Lord often is very painful. This is because we reach a point where we are forced to FEEL that we truly can't do it anymore. It is then, that G-d "stretches" who we are...because we must take hold of his hand, and walk through it anyway. In other words, when we might feel something should be lifted (as it were) from our lives because it IS too much...G-d will seem to say that he is just getting started. This is painful. This is hard. There's only one person in the world destined to go through what the apostle Paul went through...and that was the apostle Paul himself. He was assigned HIS portion and HIS cup...and G-d did grant him the courage and grace he needed to get through it all. But I want to encourage you, my friend...never feel badly because you aren't the apostle Paul. Never give in to the "subliminal" message that says, you ought to beat yourself up, because you don't REQUIRE the amount of grace that the APOSTLE PAUL did...and yet, here you are complaining. Never think that you have no right to feel your feelings because the apostle PAUL mastered the art of being content...yet you can't. This is an unfair, unnecessary comparison. You are only yourself. This is your portion and your cup. You are the only person you need worry about being, and yes...sometimes it is...too much. You don't need to worry about feeling anything but what you feel.
Losing someone we love is difficult. Change is difficult. Having patience when we feel we are at the end of our rope is difficult. Illnesses and injuries are difficult. Grief is difficult. Waiting longer than we ever expected we would wait...is difficult. Sometimes we know we are down, and we wonder when we might ever be able to get back up. In my opinion, the problem often comes when we treat these profound struggles...as though they are nothing more than...the latest thing we think we have to have, but we have to do without it. This is an unfair comparison when there is an ache too deep to explain on the inside. None of us are the apostle Paul. But this is for those of us whose discontentedness stems from much more than just wanting to have the latest thing. Could it be, that no matter how deep our discontent is, we are encouraged at every turn to try and "medicate" it with the latest thing out there? Maybe this is why it seems we always think we have to have the latest...whatever. So, is this really why we are so discontent? Somehow, I'd doubt that.
By the way...how do we know that the apostle Paul DIDN'T have nights where he cried himself to sleep? How do we know he wasn't in despair beyond belief after being lashed and beaten? I would imagine it wasn't a picnic being chained up in prison for proclaiming Christ is Lord. Paul had a hard life, and he knew it. I'd say just because the scriptures themselves don't get further into that hardshp, does not mean that he did not feel anything, or that he did not go through enormous grief that was hard to comprehend. We tend to treat our deepest struggles like we are exchanging an outfit at the store, or heating something up in a microwave, I think. The human heart was never meant to function in such a way. Learning to be content in every circumstance, does not mean that there is no hardship and that nothing hurts. And the apostle Paul was just as human as we all are. Hang in there, little lamb...you're going to be okay! :))
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
The Contract: Trust
Do you want to tell me how unemotional you are, because I would've liked you otherwise? I don't know.
Integrity: I won't let my behavior change because someone's status in my life changes.
I don't have the right to think: "You're REALLY close to me now, therefore you have to put up with me messing you around.
If I tell you I will do something, I mean it. I will do everything I can to make it happen, and if something happens that is beyond my control, I'll tell you right away.
This is what I would want...it's only right.
Being a lady or a gentleman: Never willfully, intentionally causing offense to someone else.
This is my promise.
This is something that defines me.
My opinions are strong & outspoken...but there are always other possibilities.
I will listen to them & be respectful.
You are not responsible for my personal happiness.
Just follow through with what you say you will do.
I will not manipulate in order to gain something in the end.
This is not what I would want.
I won't do it to you.
This is not to tell you that I'm selfless. I am not... No one is.
I have needs and I want them met...as do you.
I'd like to think that by letting you be, and meeting your needs,
I'll be happy in the end too.
I will not give myself up for you.
Why would you respect me, if I resented myself?
(But then to tell you that I did this for you, and expect a reward??)
No thank you!
I am who I am. I won't lie to you. So don't do it to me. Fair enough?
But if you do, I promise you, I will not allow it in my life.
This would tell you that your treatment is okay.
I will not make a liar out of myself.
I won't accept you into my life on the basis of you changing yourself.
This does not work.
I will not pick up the crumbs that you have dropped at the table of your life
And then expect you to be grateful to me.
Bologna!
I want the HEAD of the table!...I know it, and so do you...right?
I'll give it over to you...if I'm sure you would die for me...why not?
Otherwise the risk to me is too great.
My greatest wish: Depends on who the person is. But in general, I hope you're thinking of me.
Sure. I like attention and praise, why not?
So why would I make you run from me?
I won't chase you away and then get angry & hysterical when you don't come back.
Gossip, I hate.
What other people think of me is none of my business.
so leave it be.
If I drag you through my drama; it's only for release...catharsis maybe...but gossip is not cool.
I wouldn't want you to do that to me...so I won't do it to you.
"I would never want to belong to a club that would have someone like me for a member."
Woody Allen said that...not me. And I promise you, I never will.
I will love myself, and enjoy my company, so that whether you are around or not...I will stand.
This is trust. It is what I will give. It is what I want back.
Fair enough?
CES (C) 2016.
Integrity: I won't let my behavior change because someone's status in my life changes.
I don't have the right to think: "You're REALLY close to me now, therefore you have to put up with me messing you around.
If I tell you I will do something, I mean it. I will do everything I can to make it happen, and if something happens that is beyond my control, I'll tell you right away.
This is what I would want...it's only right.
Being a lady or a gentleman: Never willfully, intentionally causing offense to someone else.
This is my promise.
This is something that defines me.
My opinions are strong & outspoken...but there are always other possibilities.
I will listen to them & be respectful.
You are not responsible for my personal happiness.
Just follow through with what you say you will do.
I will not manipulate in order to gain something in the end.
This is not what I would want.
I won't do it to you.
This is not to tell you that I'm selfless. I am not... No one is.
I have needs and I want them met...as do you.
I'd like to think that by letting you be, and meeting your needs,
I'll be happy in the end too.
I will not give myself up for you.
Why would you respect me, if I resented myself?
(But then to tell you that I did this for you, and expect a reward??)
No thank you!
I am who I am. I won't lie to you. So don't do it to me. Fair enough?
But if you do, I promise you, I will not allow it in my life.
This would tell you that your treatment is okay.
I will not make a liar out of myself.
I won't accept you into my life on the basis of you changing yourself.
This does not work.
I will not pick up the crumbs that you have dropped at the table of your life
And then expect you to be grateful to me.
Bologna!
I want the HEAD of the table!...I know it, and so do you...right?
I'll give it over to you...if I'm sure you would die for me...why not?
Otherwise the risk to me is too great.
My greatest wish: Depends on who the person is. But in general, I hope you're thinking of me.
Sure. I like attention and praise, why not?
So why would I make you run from me?
I won't chase you away and then get angry & hysterical when you don't come back.
Gossip, I hate.
What other people think of me is none of my business.
so leave it be.
If I drag you through my drama; it's only for release...catharsis maybe...but gossip is not cool.
I wouldn't want you to do that to me...so I won't do it to you.
"I would never want to belong to a club that would have someone like me for a member."
Woody Allen said that...not me. And I promise you, I never will.
I will love myself, and enjoy my company, so that whether you are around or not...I will stand.
This is trust. It is what I will give. It is what I want back.
Fair enough?
CES (C) 2016.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Okay There I've Written About It :))
To write about it...or not to write about it?
I've struggled with this for awhile. But I just saw an article on "The Mighty" about the same thing, so, I think I should write about it...
When I saw the movie "Forrest Gump," my mouth dropped...I was stunned. He was fitted for braces, and I thought, "There's something I know a lot about!" I had never before seen that in a movie though. His foot got stuck in that drain, and his mom had to keep him balanced while she dug it out.
"Well, what are y'all strain' at? Haven't you ever seen a little boy with braces on his legs before?"
But the most familiar scenario to me, was the bus. He walked the isle, and kept going as students leaned over the empty space, making faces...looking for that one kind heart. Of course, he finds it in Jenny...
"You can sit here if you want."
I have mentioned before that when online, I stay away from talk about my disability because that's the place where no one has to see it, or know anything about it. In Forrest Gump, his condition is never given a name (to my knowledge); but when he miraculously manages to outrun that truck with those bullies in it, and his braces come off, piece by piece, we no longer care! We know, from that moment on the he is going to be ALRIGHT!!
Okay...I have Cerebral Palsy. I've had it since birth, which I believe is the case with most folks who have it. So, in short, I am no stranger to people asking me "What's wrong with your knee?" This is because one side of me is weaker than the other. I actually have "quite a good gait" according to doctors who've looked at me. The short version is, I walk with a limp, that often simply makes me appear as though one of my knees hurts. It's really not so bad...it just makes some folks wonder if I've hurt myself. As a kid, I wore braces. They were NOT like the ones in "Forrest Gump.". But on the other hand, they were not too far off: leather shoes with a bar screwed in to each side. The tops were just under the knee, metal, but with leather and Velcro on the outside. The shoes themselves with their groovy, gold laces actually looked pretty nice with a pair of pants, or my favorite jeans. But I couldn't hide the screws on each side of the shoes...so I would still get stares, and people always asking me what they were...what they were for...
So, the most common question people ask is, "What is it?" What is Cerebral Palsy, or CP? Well, I'll explain it the simplest way I can think of: it is muscle weakness, caused by damage to the brain, due to a lack of oxygen, usually at birth. Cerebral Palsy varies greatly, from mild to severe...and I'm sure that since I was born, there is MUCH new terminology that I don't even know about, and CP is now categorized (I think) differently than it was when I was a child. My CP is mild. I've even had doctors tell me that they never would've known I had it, if I'd not told them. Of course, then, they get a look at my flat feet and test my reflexes, and they know. But how to really explain it to someone who just isn't familiar with it? Wow. Obviously, I can only relate my personal experiences...and as I said, it varies greatly.
My mom used to tell me that I learned to walk when I should've talked, and talk when I should've walked. Translation: Most children are crawling around at about nine months, and they typically start walking around a year to fifteen months old...somewhere in that time period. In their first year, they might learn to roll over, pull themselves up, things like that. Most children start talking at about a year and a half (saying words) here and there, rather than just babbling...and then their vocabulary gradually progresses each year. So, it's like this: I've done everything backwards. I've DONE it! That's the important thing...I've done it. But I've done it my own way, and at my own pace.
Mom wrote in my baby book that at two years old, I had the vocabulary of a four year old. Apparently, I did not have a first word...this is because I just started saying sentences. And singing! I would sing EVERYTHING...and I still do today. It's almost like there's a part of my mind that just does not shut off. I TALK all the time...even more when there's no one around than when there are people around. For this reason, it was AMAZING when I began talking to G-d when I was around seven or eight...because there IS someone there...and HE listens to me like no other! (So there!!). But, at two and a half, I still could not stand on my own, and walk. With a baby walker, I could go all over! (Look out!!). But could not stand on my own and walk, let alone run, like most kids are able to at that age.
I was fitted with my first pair of glasses when I was about a year old. How a doctor even figures a kid's prescription at that age, I have no idea! It's not like you can just tell the doctor whether it's clear or blurry. I didn't learn to talk THAT early! :)). As a kid I went to schools that were for kids with disabilities and I LOVED them, because it did not matter how different someone was...everybody there was different! So we were all able to be different together. Anyway, one of the tell-tale signs of CP, is usually, a delay in what's called developmental milestones. It was known that I had CP at birth...but what can make this difficult to handle, is not knowing how a kid's development will end up being affected until they begin to grow and change.
With me...I had (and have) weak muscles, especially in the legs, weak ankles and really poor balance. I've always had visual, and spatial difficulties, which have affected my depth perception. Anyway, with these kinds of muscle weaknesses, the worry is, that rather than the muscles developing normally, they will atrophy and begin to shrink up. This is the reason for the braces and casts (which I also wore, from the time I was only a toddler.) I'm thankful now, because this helped my legs and back to stay straight. In my case, there is no spinal abnormality or curving...though I've observed many with CP who do deal with these difficulties. In school, my P.E. always had to be adapted because...well, let's just say, I was never the type who could run the mile. I did (and still do) become winded very easily. I've never needed an inhaler or anything...but exercise and strenuous physical activity makes me easily loose my breath and need a break. Some days, I get bursts of energy & can do lot's of thngs. Other days...this is not happening. As a kid, I did run, amazingly...but could not do it like the other kids did it. I don't run now, because I simply become winded too easily. But, this is not because the CP has gotten worse. Fortunately, my condition does not progress and it is not genetic (something else I've been asked a lot.). It's because my muscles don't get the exercise they need in the first place. (Now, it's out). Anyway, I'm the kind of person who would really benefit from permanent physical therapy. This is because, I would then learn how to build strength & endurance...but without hurting myself. The problem is, unless you're injured in some way, you can't just get physical therapy, and once the injury is better, your therapy stops.
With CP, even a little bit of physical strain can be painful. Example: I bought myself a trampoline with a balance bar to get some extra exercise. I then made the mistake of jumping on it (not strenuously) but jumping on it, without any stretching first. (You live and you learn). Because of the physical therapy & the stretching & strengthening classes I've had, I should've known better than this. To say the truth, I was so excited to get that trampoline, that I just started jumping on it!
So, soon after, I walked out my front door one day and as soon as my feet hit the cement, I felt this shooting pain down both my legs. Not a pulled muscle, but definitely strained. It took about two weeks for my muscles to "rest," adapt, and then get stronger. This may sound like a long time, but when your muscles are weaker than they should be due to a neurological condition, things happen. Coupled with horrible balance, I was afraid to walk for awhile without leaning on anything. With a lot of pain pills, ice, heat, and then slowly getting up, grabbing onto furniture, I was able to again walk like I had before, but in the course of getting back to normal, I began to feel as though I had a very serious injury. I didn't, I was okay. But my body took a while to bounce back, if you will.
Sheer irony: I can walk very well, and very quickly... but the slightest little thing can throw me off balance and I can fall. My body does not absorb shock well, so even the slightest "bump" can take me to the ground. This is, to say the least, frustrating!! By the grace of G-d, I have never broken a bone, but good grief, I have gotten SO MANY scrapes, bumps, bruises, bloody knees, bloody elbows, a black eye a couple times. I've had to sit with ice on some part of me more times than I can count. I've broken glasses, bumped my head (no concussions), and ended up wrecking things I was carrying...all because of, a raise in the sidewalk, or tree roots, a track, for a sliding glass door, a change in surface on the ground, slippery pavement, holes in the ground...you name it. It's actually not quite as horrible as it sounds; usually, all I need is a hand, or someone to lean on. At the age of six, my family went on a trip to the beach, and walking around in all that thick, slippery, sticky sand made my little ankles so sore, it was hard for me to walk period, after a while. A relative had to carry me around towards the end of the trip. I'm pleased to say, that this odd thing has not happened to me again since that trip...but my little legs got quite a work out! For the record, I LOVE going to the beach, it's awesome!
At fifteen, I had surgery on my weaker side, in order to help me get that heel all the way on the floor, and hopefully improve my gait. It worked. I went to a family reunion and a relative who'd not seen me since I was very small came up to me and said;
"We got you all straightened out, didn't we?"
When I was in my late twenties I had surgery to correct a wandering eye. My eye doctor even asked me if I was aware that this was (part of) the reason I was falling (because my eyes didn't know where to go), she said. I told her yes. Though the surgery was not purely cosmetic...I was assured, that I was beautiful girl, and would look better still when this problem was corrected. She was right. :)). I did not want to have the surgery, but now Zi am very pleased that I did. Another fear conquered!
When you sometimes can't walk without getting winded...and then you begin dating someone who's a runner...it really puts things into perspective quickly! I never realized how insecure I was!
He could run like the wind. One time, I was on a bus that he was supposed to be on with me...He thought he had a few more minutes, but the bus took off early. I pushed the button, so the bus would pull over at the closest stop, planning to just start walking back...thinking we would meet in between. I stood up to get off, and...there he was! He ran, and made it to the next bus stop at the same time the BUS made it there!! Now that's FAST! To me, that was beyond fast. Looking back, I know the sad thing was that all I could do was get embarrassed when he got on the bus. This was because everyone was staring at him wondering if he was alright. Poor guy! He was alright, but winded and worn out beyond belief (at least to me). He was sweating and could barely stand up. In truth, this scared me. (Someone who falls at the drop of a hat and gets winded just taking out the trash...oh yes!!) But in truth, I just acted like what he did was not necessary. I wondered why he was calling attention to himself.
I didn't get it. One time, he ran a race and broke his toe in the process. He FINISHED the race with that broken toe, collapsed and then had to go to the hospital. He called me that night after he was home and told me what had happened. I had not been watching him that day, and I won't lie...I'm glad I was not. I would not've handled that well. But he needed me. He needed me that day. He knew that it was not that I did not come deliberately...but then while he was on the phone with me, he had to listen to me going on and on about why I wished he wouldn't run! Poor guy! Even when he needed my support, still out of breath, he said;
"If it makes you feel any better, I was thinking of you the whole time."
Another time, when I did go to watch him race, at the end, I was down on the field to see what I could do, if anything. He was exhausted and almost fell to the ground, while his mother grabbed him by one arm and put it around her shoulders. I walked with both of them...suddenly realizing that if this man I loved, who was over six feet tall put his weight on me...I would also fall, unable to balance myself, or hold (even half of him) up. He was very careful of me. As exhausted as he was, he would not put any weight on me, not wanting to hurt me! His mother, meanwhile...gave me this look, like, "Move out of the way, you're only making this harder.". He sat down, and cooled off...thanking me for coming. I felt like crying. I felt so low...like I could not do anything for him when he needed me the most. It was awful.
What I was going through (I realize now) was twofold...Not only did I not think he SHOULD push the limits like he did (he had some other scary things happen I won't go into), but I knew deep down, that I never COULD. I never could do that...not even close. I come from a world of "Don't fall!". "Don't trip!". "Be careful, it's steep. "Slow down before you hurt yourself!"... Things like that. Not only could I never test the limits like that myself...I apparently could not help my best friend do it either! This was so awful. It was awful, and it made me angry. I was angry with myself for being weak, angry with G-d for allowing me to be so.
My love (at the time) never thought any less of me. I had other abilities and that was fine. There were things I was good at that he was not...just like with anyone. But unfortunately, this logic was not enough for me. Was I actually resentful of him because he was so good at doing something I was not? Unfortunately yes. When I was at that race, for example...he was just glad I was THERE. He didn't care one little bit that I could not carry any of his weight (if you will). But I sure did!! I felt like I was not enough, somehow. Not his fault...not at all. I was jealous...because my body would not even let me TRY those things. It's not that I have any insatiable desire to run a race with a broken toe (no thank you)!! But my body could get worn out, just WALKING, the way his did when he ran like the wind. An example would be a time I went on a day trip with a group from church. We knew we had to take our train home, but wanted to get some dinner first. This was a walk...quite a walk...and we had to hurry! I was not going to stay behind and wait, I wanted some dinner! So, I went with the small group, having no idea how far it actually was. I forced myself to stay ahead, and kept going, but MAN, was I getting tired! Tired, winded, needing water. We got to the restaurant, and I stood leaning against the door, wanting to hide my now reddish-purple face. My friend said to me: "Tina, you didn't have to walk all that way. You could've stayed there & waited for us, and I could've brought you something". This was true. I could've just walked straight to where the train would pick us up and waited. My dinner would've been brought to me. But we all have moments when we need to say to ourselves "Yes, but look what I did!". This would be just like my friend when he ran like the wind. (I just had an epiphany). So, here, I was...worn out, like I'd just run a marathon...grateful that there was a long line, because I needed to sit down & catch my breath. Fortunately, I did. We walked the distance back and then continued on to where our train was. So the journey back was longer still...and I was still a bit winded from the walk getting there. But, I made it to the train...was helped on, and stumbled down the isle to my seat. For, me it was the kind of tired that dries out the mouth, the eyes...everything. But...I DID IT!!!
I leaned forward and rested my arms & my head, on the seat in front of me...still breathing like I was running, but no longer concerned, because I was in my seat, on the train, with my dinner, and we were headed home. Mission accomplished! Accept for one thing...my 'condition" at the time, concerned the lady who took the seat next to mine. She asked me if I was alright several times, became alarmed when she saw my purple face, and offered to rub my neck & shoulders. (This was nice of her, but I'd never met this person before in my life). All I wanted was for her to not worry about me, and not point out what did not look so good, cause all I needed was some rest. Kinda like my guy on the phone that night...though I didn't know it at the time.
All he wanted (I'm sure) was for me to be proud of him. Unfortunately, when you're jealous of someone (for whatever reason) you don't give them what they want (or need). So, while some of this actually has nothing to do with CP (as we call it),a disability affects the way we see the world...and it can be painful sometimes when another's skill or ability seems to "dim" the light of our efforts just to do a personal best...because maybe we're no good at competition. In English, I'm sure this is called a spoiled sport (because not everybody is good at the same things). But anyway. Imagine you start exercising after not having done it for awhile. You strain yourself, and the next day, you really feel it. It's not serious, but you're sore & tired. This is about what it's like for me on a normal day, having mild CP. Sore & tired...some days better than others...and the "spoon theory" applies to my energy. Translation: when I say "I'm low on spoons today" I mean it! But I surprise myself!...all the time...and I'm sure I will surprise you too! G-d gives us grace to go through things, and while I might only do 2 things while someone else does 10...maybe the 2 is all I need. Incidentally, did I mention, no more braces and no more casts? (Not since I had that surgery at 15...and that brace came off earlier than expected!
I've struggled with this for awhile. But I just saw an article on "The Mighty" about the same thing, so, I think I should write about it...
When I saw the movie "Forrest Gump," my mouth dropped...I was stunned. He was fitted for braces, and I thought, "There's something I know a lot about!" I had never before seen that in a movie though. His foot got stuck in that drain, and his mom had to keep him balanced while she dug it out.
"Well, what are y'all strain' at? Haven't you ever seen a little boy with braces on his legs before?"
But the most familiar scenario to me, was the bus. He walked the isle, and kept going as students leaned over the empty space, making faces...looking for that one kind heart. Of course, he finds it in Jenny...
"You can sit here if you want."
I have mentioned before that when online, I stay away from talk about my disability because that's the place where no one has to see it, or know anything about it. In Forrest Gump, his condition is never given a name (to my knowledge); but when he miraculously manages to outrun that truck with those bullies in it, and his braces come off, piece by piece, we no longer care! We know, from that moment on the he is going to be ALRIGHT!!
Okay...I have Cerebral Palsy. I've had it since birth, which I believe is the case with most folks who have it. So, in short, I am no stranger to people asking me "What's wrong with your knee?" This is because one side of me is weaker than the other. I actually have "quite a good gait" according to doctors who've looked at me. The short version is, I walk with a limp, that often simply makes me appear as though one of my knees hurts. It's really not so bad...it just makes some folks wonder if I've hurt myself. As a kid, I wore braces. They were NOT like the ones in "Forrest Gump.". But on the other hand, they were not too far off: leather shoes with a bar screwed in to each side. The tops were just under the knee, metal, but with leather and Velcro on the outside. The shoes themselves with their groovy, gold laces actually looked pretty nice with a pair of pants, or my favorite jeans. But I couldn't hide the screws on each side of the shoes...so I would still get stares, and people always asking me what they were...what they were for...
So, the most common question people ask is, "What is it?" What is Cerebral Palsy, or CP? Well, I'll explain it the simplest way I can think of: it is muscle weakness, caused by damage to the brain, due to a lack of oxygen, usually at birth. Cerebral Palsy varies greatly, from mild to severe...and I'm sure that since I was born, there is MUCH new terminology that I don't even know about, and CP is now categorized (I think) differently than it was when I was a child. My CP is mild. I've even had doctors tell me that they never would've known I had it, if I'd not told them. Of course, then, they get a look at my flat feet and test my reflexes, and they know. But how to really explain it to someone who just isn't familiar with it? Wow. Obviously, I can only relate my personal experiences...and as I said, it varies greatly.
My mom used to tell me that I learned to walk when I should've talked, and talk when I should've walked. Translation: Most children are crawling around at about nine months, and they typically start walking around a year to fifteen months old...somewhere in that time period. In their first year, they might learn to roll over, pull themselves up, things like that. Most children start talking at about a year and a half (saying words) here and there, rather than just babbling...and then their vocabulary gradually progresses each year. So, it's like this: I've done everything backwards. I've DONE it! That's the important thing...I've done it. But I've done it my own way, and at my own pace.
Mom wrote in my baby book that at two years old, I had the vocabulary of a four year old. Apparently, I did not have a first word...this is because I just started saying sentences. And singing! I would sing EVERYTHING...and I still do today. It's almost like there's a part of my mind that just does not shut off. I TALK all the time...even more when there's no one around than when there are people around. For this reason, it was AMAZING when I began talking to G-d when I was around seven or eight...because there IS someone there...and HE listens to me like no other! (So there!!). But, at two and a half, I still could not stand on my own, and walk. With a baby walker, I could go all over! (Look out!!). But could not stand on my own and walk, let alone run, like most kids are able to at that age.
I was fitted with my first pair of glasses when I was about a year old. How a doctor even figures a kid's prescription at that age, I have no idea! It's not like you can just tell the doctor whether it's clear or blurry. I didn't learn to talk THAT early! :)). As a kid I went to schools that were for kids with disabilities and I LOVED them, because it did not matter how different someone was...everybody there was different! So we were all able to be different together. Anyway, one of the tell-tale signs of CP, is usually, a delay in what's called developmental milestones. It was known that I had CP at birth...but what can make this difficult to handle, is not knowing how a kid's development will end up being affected until they begin to grow and change.
With me...I had (and have) weak muscles, especially in the legs, weak ankles and really poor balance. I've always had visual, and spatial difficulties, which have affected my depth perception. Anyway, with these kinds of muscle weaknesses, the worry is, that rather than the muscles developing normally, they will atrophy and begin to shrink up. This is the reason for the braces and casts (which I also wore, from the time I was only a toddler.) I'm thankful now, because this helped my legs and back to stay straight. In my case, there is no spinal abnormality or curving...though I've observed many with CP who do deal with these difficulties. In school, my P.E. always had to be adapted because...well, let's just say, I was never the type who could run the mile. I did (and still do) become winded very easily. I've never needed an inhaler or anything...but exercise and strenuous physical activity makes me easily loose my breath and need a break. Some days, I get bursts of energy & can do lot's of thngs. Other days...this is not happening. As a kid, I did run, amazingly...but could not do it like the other kids did it. I don't run now, because I simply become winded too easily. But, this is not because the CP has gotten worse. Fortunately, my condition does not progress and it is not genetic (something else I've been asked a lot.). It's because my muscles don't get the exercise they need in the first place. (Now, it's out). Anyway, I'm the kind of person who would really benefit from permanent physical therapy. This is because, I would then learn how to build strength & endurance...but without hurting myself. The problem is, unless you're injured in some way, you can't just get physical therapy, and once the injury is better, your therapy stops.
With CP, even a little bit of physical strain can be painful. Example: I bought myself a trampoline with a balance bar to get some extra exercise. I then made the mistake of jumping on it (not strenuously) but jumping on it, without any stretching first. (You live and you learn). Because of the physical therapy & the stretching & strengthening classes I've had, I should've known better than this. To say the truth, I was so excited to get that trampoline, that I just started jumping on it!
So, soon after, I walked out my front door one day and as soon as my feet hit the cement, I felt this shooting pain down both my legs. Not a pulled muscle, but definitely strained. It took about two weeks for my muscles to "rest," adapt, and then get stronger. This may sound like a long time, but when your muscles are weaker than they should be due to a neurological condition, things happen. Coupled with horrible balance, I was afraid to walk for awhile without leaning on anything. With a lot of pain pills, ice, heat, and then slowly getting up, grabbing onto furniture, I was able to again walk like I had before, but in the course of getting back to normal, I began to feel as though I had a very serious injury. I didn't, I was okay. But my body took a while to bounce back, if you will.
Sheer irony: I can walk very well, and very quickly... but the slightest little thing can throw me off balance and I can fall. My body does not absorb shock well, so even the slightest "bump" can take me to the ground. This is, to say the least, frustrating!! By the grace of G-d, I have never broken a bone, but good grief, I have gotten SO MANY scrapes, bumps, bruises, bloody knees, bloody elbows, a black eye a couple times. I've had to sit with ice on some part of me more times than I can count. I've broken glasses, bumped my head (no concussions), and ended up wrecking things I was carrying...all because of, a raise in the sidewalk, or tree roots, a track, for a sliding glass door, a change in surface on the ground, slippery pavement, holes in the ground...you name it. It's actually not quite as horrible as it sounds; usually, all I need is a hand, or someone to lean on. At the age of six, my family went on a trip to the beach, and walking around in all that thick, slippery, sticky sand made my little ankles so sore, it was hard for me to walk period, after a while. A relative had to carry me around towards the end of the trip. I'm pleased to say, that this odd thing has not happened to me again since that trip...but my little legs got quite a work out! For the record, I LOVE going to the beach, it's awesome!
At fifteen, I had surgery on my weaker side, in order to help me get that heel all the way on the floor, and hopefully improve my gait. It worked. I went to a family reunion and a relative who'd not seen me since I was very small came up to me and said;
"We got you all straightened out, didn't we?"
When I was in my late twenties I had surgery to correct a wandering eye. My eye doctor even asked me if I was aware that this was (part of) the reason I was falling (because my eyes didn't know where to go), she said. I told her yes. Though the surgery was not purely cosmetic...I was assured, that I was beautiful girl, and would look better still when this problem was corrected. She was right. :)). I did not want to have the surgery, but now Zi am very pleased that I did. Another fear conquered!
When you sometimes can't walk without getting winded...and then you begin dating someone who's a runner...it really puts things into perspective quickly! I never realized how insecure I was!
He could run like the wind. One time, I was on a bus that he was supposed to be on with me...He thought he had a few more minutes, but the bus took off early. I pushed the button, so the bus would pull over at the closest stop, planning to just start walking back...thinking we would meet in between. I stood up to get off, and...there he was! He ran, and made it to the next bus stop at the same time the BUS made it there!! Now that's FAST! To me, that was beyond fast. Looking back, I know the sad thing was that all I could do was get embarrassed when he got on the bus. This was because everyone was staring at him wondering if he was alright. Poor guy! He was alright, but winded and worn out beyond belief (at least to me). He was sweating and could barely stand up. In truth, this scared me. (Someone who falls at the drop of a hat and gets winded just taking out the trash...oh yes!!) But in truth, I just acted like what he did was not necessary. I wondered why he was calling attention to himself.
I didn't get it. One time, he ran a race and broke his toe in the process. He FINISHED the race with that broken toe, collapsed and then had to go to the hospital. He called me that night after he was home and told me what had happened. I had not been watching him that day, and I won't lie...I'm glad I was not. I would not've handled that well. But he needed me. He needed me that day. He knew that it was not that I did not come deliberately...but then while he was on the phone with me, he had to listen to me going on and on about why I wished he wouldn't run! Poor guy! Even when he needed my support, still out of breath, he said;
"If it makes you feel any better, I was thinking of you the whole time."
Another time, when I did go to watch him race, at the end, I was down on the field to see what I could do, if anything. He was exhausted and almost fell to the ground, while his mother grabbed him by one arm and put it around her shoulders. I walked with both of them...suddenly realizing that if this man I loved, who was over six feet tall put his weight on me...I would also fall, unable to balance myself, or hold (even half of him) up. He was very careful of me. As exhausted as he was, he would not put any weight on me, not wanting to hurt me! His mother, meanwhile...gave me this look, like, "Move out of the way, you're only making this harder.". He sat down, and cooled off...thanking me for coming. I felt like crying. I felt so low...like I could not do anything for him when he needed me the most. It was awful.
What I was going through (I realize now) was twofold...Not only did I not think he SHOULD push the limits like he did (he had some other scary things happen I won't go into), but I knew deep down, that I never COULD. I never could do that...not even close. I come from a world of "Don't fall!". "Don't trip!". "Be careful, it's steep. "Slow down before you hurt yourself!"... Things like that. Not only could I never test the limits like that myself...I apparently could not help my best friend do it either! This was so awful. It was awful, and it made me angry. I was angry with myself for being weak, angry with G-d for allowing me to be so.
My love (at the time) never thought any less of me. I had other abilities and that was fine. There were things I was good at that he was not...just like with anyone. But unfortunately, this logic was not enough for me. Was I actually resentful of him because he was so good at doing something I was not? Unfortunately yes. When I was at that race, for example...he was just glad I was THERE. He didn't care one little bit that I could not carry any of his weight (if you will). But I sure did!! I felt like I was not enough, somehow. Not his fault...not at all. I was jealous...because my body would not even let me TRY those things. It's not that I have any insatiable desire to run a race with a broken toe (no thank you)!! But my body could get worn out, just WALKING, the way his did when he ran like the wind. An example would be a time I went on a day trip with a group from church. We knew we had to take our train home, but wanted to get some dinner first. This was a walk...quite a walk...and we had to hurry! I was not going to stay behind and wait, I wanted some dinner! So, I went with the small group, having no idea how far it actually was. I forced myself to stay ahead, and kept going, but MAN, was I getting tired! Tired, winded, needing water. We got to the restaurant, and I stood leaning against the door, wanting to hide my now reddish-purple face. My friend said to me: "Tina, you didn't have to walk all that way. You could've stayed there & waited for us, and I could've brought you something". This was true. I could've just walked straight to where the train would pick us up and waited. My dinner would've been brought to me. But we all have moments when we need to say to ourselves "Yes, but look what I did!". This would be just like my friend when he ran like the wind. (I just had an epiphany). So, here, I was...worn out, like I'd just run a marathon...grateful that there was a long line, because I needed to sit down & catch my breath. Fortunately, I did. We walked the distance back and then continued on to where our train was. So the journey back was longer still...and I was still a bit winded from the walk getting there. But, I made it to the train...was helped on, and stumbled down the isle to my seat. For, me it was the kind of tired that dries out the mouth, the eyes...everything. But...I DID IT!!!
I leaned forward and rested my arms & my head, on the seat in front of me...still breathing like I was running, but no longer concerned, because I was in my seat, on the train, with my dinner, and we were headed home. Mission accomplished! Accept for one thing...my 'condition" at the time, concerned the lady who took the seat next to mine. She asked me if I was alright several times, became alarmed when she saw my purple face, and offered to rub my neck & shoulders. (This was nice of her, but I'd never met this person before in my life). All I wanted was for her to not worry about me, and not point out what did not look so good, cause all I needed was some rest. Kinda like my guy on the phone that night...though I didn't know it at the time.
All he wanted (I'm sure) was for me to be proud of him. Unfortunately, when you're jealous of someone (for whatever reason) you don't give them what they want (or need). So, while some of this actually has nothing to do with CP (as we call it),a disability affects the way we see the world...and it can be painful sometimes when another's skill or ability seems to "dim" the light of our efforts just to do a personal best...because maybe we're no good at competition. In English, I'm sure this is called a spoiled sport (because not everybody is good at the same things). But anyway. Imagine you start exercising after not having done it for awhile. You strain yourself, and the next day, you really feel it. It's not serious, but you're sore & tired. This is about what it's like for me on a normal day, having mild CP. Sore & tired...some days better than others...and the "spoon theory" applies to my energy. Translation: when I say "I'm low on spoons today" I mean it! But I surprise myself!...all the time...and I'm sure I will surprise you too! G-d gives us grace to go through things, and while I might only do 2 things while someone else does 10...maybe the 2 is all I need. Incidentally, did I mention, no more braces and no more casts? (Not since I had that surgery at 15...and that brace came off earlier than expected!
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Choices?
Why is it that if someone is considered pro-life, then they are not considered pro-choice? What if the most important decision a woman can make is to give her baby life? To me, these things go hand in hand. Now not everyone agrees with this...and that's alright. It is true...everyone needs to make their own choice, and that choice should be respected. My concern, as someone who was a client advocate at a Pregnancy Care Center, is that women will be able to fully respect themselves after making their choice...whichever choice that is. Abortion is an option, yes...but it is only one option of many. So, let's see what we have here:
When a woman has an abortion there will always be one dead and one wounded. This is 100% predictable.
It's sort of like abstinence in that respect: It is always 100% predictable that abstinence will prevent a woman from becoming pregnant. Abortion will certainly prevent her from remaining pregnant, but it is 100% predictable that a pregnancy which has already begun, must be terminated in that case. It is also 100% predictable that screaming infants do grow up...and often all too quickly (just ask any parent whose kids are now grown). Pregnancy is very temporary, and so is childhood. Kids grow up...they learn to do things for themselves...they learn to use their indoor voice. Taking things 1 day at a time helps tasks believed once to be unmanageable...to be accomplished. I spoke with many parents, both moms and dad's who at one time were contemplating abortion as an option. For those who did not choose abortion, all were very glad that they did not. For those who chose abortion, many were regretful, some were haunted by the life that might've been, many were remorseful, and many wished that they had not made this choice, and were looking for emotional support.
In my opinion, often the mindset of a woman considering abortion is simply: "Outta sight, outta mind.". If she does not actually see what's inside her, then she won't have to think about it. Okay, I offer this: If she does not see what her baby looks like or how far along it is, how will she be able to make a choice about where she wants to go next? If she chooses to have an abortion, the pregnancy is no more, which means the baby is no more, and there will be no way that she can undo this. In other words, the choice has been made for her. The fact is that many women find that the temporary freedom they might've had after they experienced abortion simply was not worth the guilt, and the hurt, and the wondering what could've been. Every woman's story is different...but oftentimes, this never goes away. I've seen many wonderful ladies in tears over this very thing, saying "What do I do now?"
So, now...if she carries the baby to term, she will stay pregnant of course, but not forever. Eventually that baby comes and she can choose to start getting her waistline back. I point this out, because many women consider abortion because they are very afraid of pregnancy, and they also don't want the inconvenience of how it will change their bodies. But rest assured, these changes are temporary and fixable. If she carries to term, she can choose adoption. As someone who counseled clients I can tell you that many birth parents (both moms and dads) are petrified of adoption because of all the stereotypes attached to it. They associate adoption with the worst sort of abandonment possible. They say, "I could never do that.". Well, again, let's look at it...
With the option of open adoptions, birth parents can have a great deal of choices concerning the home their child is raised in, such as ethnicity, religious background, location, parenting, and deciding whether or not to remain in contact with their child. Birth parents can also decide whether or not their child can contact them as an adult. Parents can also opt to not know any details of their child's adoptive parents, and also choose a no contact option. The truth is, there are many many loving families out there...many of whom are not able to have babies of their own, who absolutely cannot wait to shower the most wonderful life on a child who needs it. To them, adoption is the most precious gift in the world. And kids who grow up with adoptive parents do not have huge signs on the front of them that say "I'm adopted," or "I'm different.". They bond with their adoptive parents and love them and lead perfectly normal lives. Adoption is also wonderful because many times, adoptive parents can provide a quality of life for children that their biological family is not able to. Finally, it's wonderful because adoption can allow birth parents who are unready to become parents, (teen girls, for example) the freedom to grow up, without the often regretful consequences of a loss of life.
Adoption is difficult for birth parents. This is true, because there is a separation; but with adoption, it's a parting that allows life to continue and flourish. Though the child does not remain with their birth parents, this is the most unselfish parenting decision birth parents can make. Abortion is difficult because it results in loss. There's the loss of a life, the loss of growth, the loss of possibility for the child, and it often leaves birth parents with a broken heart that is beyond anything they anticipated. And there is (of course) the option of parenting. Many parents to be sadly consider abortion because of financial hardships. But here as well, there are many options. One option is of course, a pregnancy care center. Pregnancy care centers offer all of their services free of charge including pregnancy tests, ultra sounds, parenting classes, maternity clothes, baby items, baby furniture (where available), and brand new, in the box, car seats. They also offer information on adoption and adoption agencies, doctor referrals, churches, and client advocates offer confidential counseling, and are happy to answer any questions. So that can be start at any rate. As I would say to many clients; financial situations change. They can be sticky for awhile and then get better. With abortion, the price can be too high to pay, depending on the after-affects.
Ladies and gentleman, this is what I call, pro choice, re-defined. Get all the options you possibly can so that you're able to make a choice that's best for you. This is empowerment. This allows people to have the freedom of many different options, so that they give themselves plenty of choices. Abortion often limits a persons options, or at least the understanding of those options, and encourages people to make their decisions based on the fear that a baby would most likely limit there freedom. But what I found over and over was that many women learned the hard way that the abortion was the most binding decision they ever made...and then the decision made them after that. Now, it's OKAY to be pro-choice if you want to; and I am not telling any woman not to have an abortion...nor did I ever do this as a counselor; that's not what we're trained for.
I'm simply saying that abortion often puts women in bondage that alters their lives; and they have no idea how to change this. Yet this option is the option that is labeled, or defined as "pro choice.". Add to this, the confusion of being politically correct... which has led many folks to consider themselves to be both.
This is a tough one, because while many women would never go through with an abortion themselves...how can they tell someone else not to. This is why I said at the beginning, a woman's views on the subject ought to be respected either way...but does she have all the information she needs to make the best choose possible so she can respect herself? I think abortion on the whole limits options and it limits freedom, not the other way around, while parenting is often thought of as a huge inconvenience and adoption thought of as cruel abandonment. This to me, is a very sad irony.
On a personal note, I'm unsure how anyone who's ever seen a baby smile, heard them laugh, pinched their little toes, heard them breathe when they sleep, or held their little head against their chest, being protective of a soft spot, could ever consider doing away with such a perfect precious thing, before he or she can come into the world But many to whom this was presented as a choice, now have a thorn in their conscience they cannot remove, and a heartache they were never designed to bear. To both the mom or dad that would have been...I extend a hug. I am so sorry. Know that God is a God of love and forgiveness, and he loves you. If you have that burden of abortion, he wants to take it and soothe your hurt...use it all for his glory. Come just as you are...cry out to him, because he cares for you. Give him your ashes, He'll show you beauty.
When a woman has an abortion there will always be one dead and one wounded. This is 100% predictable.
It's sort of like abstinence in that respect: It is always 100% predictable that abstinence will prevent a woman from becoming pregnant. Abortion will certainly prevent her from remaining pregnant, but it is 100% predictable that a pregnancy which has already begun, must be terminated in that case. It is also 100% predictable that screaming infants do grow up...and often all too quickly (just ask any parent whose kids are now grown). Pregnancy is very temporary, and so is childhood. Kids grow up...they learn to do things for themselves...they learn to use their indoor voice. Taking things 1 day at a time helps tasks believed once to be unmanageable...to be accomplished. I spoke with many parents, both moms and dad's who at one time were contemplating abortion as an option. For those who did not choose abortion, all were very glad that they did not. For those who chose abortion, many were regretful, some were haunted by the life that might've been, many were remorseful, and many wished that they had not made this choice, and were looking for emotional support.
In my opinion, often the mindset of a woman considering abortion is simply: "Outta sight, outta mind.". If she does not actually see what's inside her, then she won't have to think about it. Okay, I offer this: If she does not see what her baby looks like or how far along it is, how will she be able to make a choice about where she wants to go next? If she chooses to have an abortion, the pregnancy is no more, which means the baby is no more, and there will be no way that she can undo this. In other words, the choice has been made for her. The fact is that many women find that the temporary freedom they might've had after they experienced abortion simply was not worth the guilt, and the hurt, and the wondering what could've been. Every woman's story is different...but oftentimes, this never goes away. I've seen many wonderful ladies in tears over this very thing, saying "What do I do now?"
So, now...if she carries the baby to term, she will stay pregnant of course, but not forever. Eventually that baby comes and she can choose to start getting her waistline back. I point this out, because many women consider abortion because they are very afraid of pregnancy, and they also don't want the inconvenience of how it will change their bodies. But rest assured, these changes are temporary and fixable. If she carries to term, she can choose adoption. As someone who counseled clients I can tell you that many birth parents (both moms and dads) are petrified of adoption because of all the stereotypes attached to it. They associate adoption with the worst sort of abandonment possible. They say, "I could never do that.". Well, again, let's look at it...
With the option of open adoptions, birth parents can have a great deal of choices concerning the home their child is raised in, such as ethnicity, religious background, location, parenting, and deciding whether or not to remain in contact with their child. Birth parents can also decide whether or not their child can contact them as an adult. Parents can also opt to not know any details of their child's adoptive parents, and also choose a no contact option. The truth is, there are many many loving families out there...many of whom are not able to have babies of their own, who absolutely cannot wait to shower the most wonderful life on a child who needs it. To them, adoption is the most precious gift in the world. And kids who grow up with adoptive parents do not have huge signs on the front of them that say "I'm adopted," or "I'm different.". They bond with their adoptive parents and love them and lead perfectly normal lives. Adoption is also wonderful because many times, adoptive parents can provide a quality of life for children that their biological family is not able to. Finally, it's wonderful because adoption can allow birth parents who are unready to become parents, (teen girls, for example) the freedom to grow up, without the often regretful consequences of a loss of life.
Adoption is difficult for birth parents. This is true, because there is a separation; but with adoption, it's a parting that allows life to continue and flourish. Though the child does not remain with their birth parents, this is the most unselfish parenting decision birth parents can make. Abortion is difficult because it results in loss. There's the loss of a life, the loss of growth, the loss of possibility for the child, and it often leaves birth parents with a broken heart that is beyond anything they anticipated. And there is (of course) the option of parenting. Many parents to be sadly consider abortion because of financial hardships. But here as well, there are many options. One option is of course, a pregnancy care center. Pregnancy care centers offer all of their services free of charge including pregnancy tests, ultra sounds, parenting classes, maternity clothes, baby items, baby furniture (where available), and brand new, in the box, car seats. They also offer information on adoption and adoption agencies, doctor referrals, churches, and client advocates offer confidential counseling, and are happy to answer any questions. So that can be start at any rate. As I would say to many clients; financial situations change. They can be sticky for awhile and then get better. With abortion, the price can be too high to pay, depending on the after-affects.
Ladies and gentleman, this is what I call, pro choice, re-defined. Get all the options you possibly can so that you're able to make a choice that's best for you. This is empowerment. This allows people to have the freedom of many different options, so that they give themselves plenty of choices. Abortion often limits a persons options, or at least the understanding of those options, and encourages people to make their decisions based on the fear that a baby would most likely limit there freedom. But what I found over and over was that many women learned the hard way that the abortion was the most binding decision they ever made...and then the decision made them after that. Now, it's OKAY to be pro-choice if you want to; and I am not telling any woman not to have an abortion...nor did I ever do this as a counselor; that's not what we're trained for.
I'm simply saying that abortion often puts women in bondage that alters their lives; and they have no idea how to change this. Yet this option is the option that is labeled, or defined as "pro choice.". Add to this, the confusion of being politically correct... which has led many folks to consider themselves to be both.
This is a tough one, because while many women would never go through with an abortion themselves...how can they tell someone else not to. This is why I said at the beginning, a woman's views on the subject ought to be respected either way...but does she have all the information she needs to make the best choose possible so she can respect herself? I think abortion on the whole limits options and it limits freedom, not the other way around, while parenting is often thought of as a huge inconvenience and adoption thought of as cruel abandonment. This to me, is a very sad irony.
On a personal note, I'm unsure how anyone who's ever seen a baby smile, heard them laugh, pinched their little toes, heard them breathe when they sleep, or held their little head against their chest, being protective of a soft spot, could ever consider doing away with such a perfect precious thing, before he or she can come into the world But many to whom this was presented as a choice, now have a thorn in their conscience they cannot remove, and a heartache they were never designed to bear. To both the mom or dad that would have been...I extend a hug. I am so sorry. Know that God is a God of love and forgiveness, and he loves you. If you have that burden of abortion, he wants to take it and soothe your hurt...use it all for his glory. Come just as you are...cry out to him, because he cares for you. Give him your ashes, He'll show you beauty.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Dignity Defined
Cynthia Lennon has died.
This is a very sad day for me because I've always had a special place in my heart for the mommy of the first Beatle baby. He was born on April 8th 1963. His famous father John Lennon, did not make it there till after his son was brought into the world, and according to Cynthia herself (who kept the last name "Lennon" the rest of her life) John said: "He's gonna be a little rocker like his daddy."
Cythia herself, was born in Blackpool, England on September 10th 1939. Her name was Cynthia Powell, and after she and John fell for each other, she would do everything possible to look like Bridgette Bardot because John was such a fan. Now there are many books out there about the Beatles and everything related, but back in 1978, Cynthia published her first account of her journey through crazy Beatles fame. The book is called "A Twist of Lennon," and let me tell you, I was not able to find it in the states. I did find it however, when I located a rare book finder in England. In college, I spent a semester in England, and one of the gems of the trip for me was finding this rare book. Cynthia's own drawings are in the pages all about meeting John Lennon, and the two becoming inseparable. Poor Goerge Harrison just followed them around with his guitar like a lost puppy. I do not have the book in front of me here, so I'll recall from memory. John Lennon could not stand school (and that's putting it mildly). His saving grace was that he loved art, and he loved Cynthia, who was in the same "lettering" class with him. He would show up...only for that. Knowing Cynthia got John through school, while John's Aunt Mimi told him that playing his guitar was all good and well, but he'd never make any money at it.
Cynthia's mother was less than sympathetic with her daughter upon finding out about her pregnancy, basically telling her she had made her bed...now she'd have to lie in it. In 1962, John and Cynthia were married, with the sound of a drill or some sort of power tool going all during the wedding vows, which Cynthia would write, was pretty much like an omen. John Charles Julian Lennon arrived the following spring, named for his dad, Cynthia's father Charles, and John's mother Julia. So, the Beatles, who by all accounts were single and eligible, now had a secret, because the founding member of the Fab Four was now married with a child. And great lengths were taken to see that this truth stayed hidden. So, trying to follow the World's most famous band on tour while both you and your child are supposed to...not exist, presented many challenges for Cynthia, as she and her infant son went up and down fire escapes, hid in laundry bins, wore disguises, and did any number of outlandish things to conceal their identity. Lennon (Cynthia) speaks fondly of Astrid, girlfriend of Stuart Sutcliffe, who was one of the original members of the Beatles, along with Pete Best and George Harrison. She talks of the craziness in making "How I Won the War," living with John's Aunt Mimi with a very colicky baby, and just believing that John Lennon was the greatest thing since sliced bread.
But how in the world do I write of an unshakable dignity I cannot describe...accept to say that the pages of that book are drenched in it? Cynthia Lennon has always been one of my heroes...maybe because I'm a child of divorce, and my own mom has always been my hero who's protected me. Somehow, I could always identify with Cynthia's struggles in fighting for her child. She kept Julian grounded in the middle of all the chaos, and never once dwelled on the crazy ridiculous mess she was in, at the hands of an industry who believed that her husband...belonged to them. John Lennon became what everyone seemed to need him to be. He took in all the limelight, and when things became "dim" he spoke out...on all issues, but especially peace...which gained him more attention than ever. One can't help but wonder what Mrs. Lennon hid and pondered in her heart as she stared at all the hullabaloo through those distinctive glasses. What went through her mind, when all the time she was known publicly as "John Lennon's first wife."
Interesting. She stood firm with John when he would not introduce her to the world. She willingly walked behind him so he could shine. She bravely raised their son Julian with the same dignity, and held John accountable for all the time not spent getting to know his boy. She stayed out of the limelight as much as was necessary, but always told her story in her straightforward way, so that Julian could shine in his own right, and her truth was evident to those who would listen. She held her own, when the price of being first...always seemed to be that she came in second. Did she?...NEVER. An extension of John Lennon, she was not. She was always and forever her own person. When John met Paul McCartney, when THE BEATLES toured the world and made their movies, when Julian was born, and the labor was long, when she hid her baby, because his presence could not be known, when she was put through one of the most public divorces on the planet, when she came home one morning and found another woman in her robe...
An extension of John Lennon...she was not. But make no mistake because without her, John himself never would've thrived the way he did, and the BEATLES would not have been what they were. She was there, through it all...long before the Fab Four came across the pond and wondered if the President was there, in the middle of their fanfare. She was there in the beginning, helping John finish school, and taking the last train home every night. She was there, begging the hospital to give her a private room when Julian was born, disguising her dignity that held her up, so that John could have it all. So, what did she ponder, while all this went on? Her righteous indignation bubbled, as well it should...but never did it overflow. She stood, poised and ready... never letting anyone ruffle her feathers. Publicly, she was thought of as sort of, the OTHER woman, an irony considering she was the wind beneath so many people's wings. She walked on, and held her own, raising her son with the same integrity, keeping his father's name...while never pitying herself. How could this be? Perhaps it was because she always knew she was first. She was Cynthia. Just Cynthia. And that was enough.
This is a very sad day for me because I've always had a special place in my heart for the mommy of the first Beatle baby. He was born on April 8th 1963. His famous father John Lennon, did not make it there till after his son was brought into the world, and according to Cynthia herself (who kept the last name "Lennon" the rest of her life) John said: "He's gonna be a little rocker like his daddy."
Cythia herself, was born in Blackpool, England on September 10th 1939. Her name was Cynthia Powell, and after she and John fell for each other, she would do everything possible to look like Bridgette Bardot because John was such a fan. Now there are many books out there about the Beatles and everything related, but back in 1978, Cynthia published her first account of her journey through crazy Beatles fame. The book is called "A Twist of Lennon," and let me tell you, I was not able to find it in the states. I did find it however, when I located a rare book finder in England. In college, I spent a semester in England, and one of the gems of the trip for me was finding this rare book. Cynthia's own drawings are in the pages all about meeting John Lennon, and the two becoming inseparable. Poor Goerge Harrison just followed them around with his guitar like a lost puppy. I do not have the book in front of me here, so I'll recall from memory. John Lennon could not stand school (and that's putting it mildly). His saving grace was that he loved art, and he loved Cynthia, who was in the same "lettering" class with him. He would show up...only for that. Knowing Cynthia got John through school, while John's Aunt Mimi told him that playing his guitar was all good and well, but he'd never make any money at it.
Cynthia's mother was less than sympathetic with her daughter upon finding out about her pregnancy, basically telling her she had made her bed...now she'd have to lie in it. In 1962, John and Cynthia were married, with the sound of a drill or some sort of power tool going all during the wedding vows, which Cynthia would write, was pretty much like an omen. John Charles Julian Lennon arrived the following spring, named for his dad, Cynthia's father Charles, and John's mother Julia. So, the Beatles, who by all accounts were single and eligible, now had a secret, because the founding member of the Fab Four was now married with a child. And great lengths were taken to see that this truth stayed hidden. So, trying to follow the World's most famous band on tour while both you and your child are supposed to...not exist, presented many challenges for Cynthia, as she and her infant son went up and down fire escapes, hid in laundry bins, wore disguises, and did any number of outlandish things to conceal their identity. Lennon (Cynthia) speaks fondly of Astrid, girlfriend of Stuart Sutcliffe, who was one of the original members of the Beatles, along with Pete Best and George Harrison. She talks of the craziness in making "How I Won the War," living with John's Aunt Mimi with a very colicky baby, and just believing that John Lennon was the greatest thing since sliced bread.
But how in the world do I write of an unshakable dignity I cannot describe...accept to say that the pages of that book are drenched in it? Cynthia Lennon has always been one of my heroes...maybe because I'm a child of divorce, and my own mom has always been my hero who's protected me. Somehow, I could always identify with Cynthia's struggles in fighting for her child. She kept Julian grounded in the middle of all the chaos, and never once dwelled on the crazy ridiculous mess she was in, at the hands of an industry who believed that her husband...belonged to them. John Lennon became what everyone seemed to need him to be. He took in all the limelight, and when things became "dim" he spoke out...on all issues, but especially peace...which gained him more attention than ever. One can't help but wonder what Mrs. Lennon hid and pondered in her heart as she stared at all the hullabaloo through those distinctive glasses. What went through her mind, when all the time she was known publicly as "John Lennon's first wife."
Interesting. She stood firm with John when he would not introduce her to the world. She willingly walked behind him so he could shine. She bravely raised their son Julian with the same dignity, and held John accountable for all the time not spent getting to know his boy. She stayed out of the limelight as much as was necessary, but always told her story in her straightforward way, so that Julian could shine in his own right, and her truth was evident to those who would listen. She held her own, when the price of being first...always seemed to be that she came in second. Did she?...NEVER. An extension of John Lennon, she was not. She was always and forever her own person. When John met Paul McCartney, when THE BEATLES toured the world and made their movies, when Julian was born, and the labor was long, when she hid her baby, because his presence could not be known, when she was put through one of the most public divorces on the planet, when she came home one morning and found another woman in her robe...
An extension of John Lennon...she was not. But make no mistake because without her, John himself never would've thrived the way he did, and the BEATLES would not have been what they were. She was there, through it all...long before the Fab Four came across the pond and wondered if the President was there, in the middle of their fanfare. She was there in the beginning, helping John finish school, and taking the last train home every night. She was there, begging the hospital to give her a private room when Julian was born, disguising her dignity that held her up, so that John could have it all. So, what did she ponder, while all this went on? Her righteous indignation bubbled, as well it should...but never did it overflow. She stood, poised and ready... never letting anyone ruffle her feathers. Publicly, she was thought of as sort of, the OTHER woman, an irony considering she was the wind beneath so many people's wings. She walked on, and held her own, raising her son with the same integrity, keeping his father's name...while never pitying herself. How could this be? Perhaps it was because she always knew she was first. She was Cynthia. Just Cynthia. And that was enough.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Some words About Joel Osteen...
I've heard, seen and read many things which attempt to either debunk or expose Houston pastor Joel Osteen and a supposed "prosperity gospel" which he and others are said to teach and promote.
Now, if you listen to the popular radio broadcast "The Bible Answer Man" lately, you know that Hank Hannagraff, president of the Christian Research Institute, has written a new book which is called "The Osteenification of American Christianity.". I know from listening to Mr. Hannagraff's show that many of the questions he receives have to do with Joel Osteen and what he teaches, and whether or not it lines up with scripture. The consensus is that it certainly does not! With this in mind, one could see what would prompt Mr. Hannagraff to write such a book, based on what he believes.
Now, I've not read Mr. Hannagraff's book, which might cause some of you to stop reading this entry right here. That's okay. If you're still with me, however, let me just say that I wonder what sort of an emotional affect this book, and all of it's publicity may be having on Osteen himself. So, oddly enough, this has made me want to look further into Joel Osteen's teachings and also at some of his various critics...
The first claim I'll explore is the claim leveled at Osteen that he's teaching people that they can get anything they want if they simply speak the right words into their life. Well, at the beginning of each message, Mr. Osteen makes the following statement:
"This is my Bible. I am what it says I am. I have what it says I have. I can do what it says I can do. Today I will be taught the word of God. I boldly confess. My mind is alert. My heart is receptive. I will never be the same!".
An interesting study, I think, is to just take the phrase apart piece by piece.
1. I am what it says I am.
The Bible says that as Christians, we are to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. (Philippians 2:12). Now there are many definitions as to what the phrase "work out" means. In my personal opinion, for a Christian to "work out" their salvation means to investigate God and his word and see what he is all about so that we may be assured that our salvation is real, and our affections have now changed from what they once were to what God desires them to be (day by day).
In other words, we are now a new creation in Christ Jesus (2nd Corinthians 5:17-21). Only in this way does a person then BECOME what the Bible says they are. In other words if a person is not born again in Christ and being conformed to the image of Jesus everyday, they are not what the Bible says they are, they do not have what scripture says they have, and they cannot do what scripture says they can do.
Okay, so Joel Osteen is speaking to Christians in one way, and non-Christians in another way. The simple truth is this, in order for Osteen's opening statement to be true, we need to be a born again Christian who is working out our own salvation. If we are not, then Osteen's statement does not apply to us, but we are invited by Osteen at the end of every message to pray the sinners prayer to accept Jesus and then encouraged to get into a Bible believing church. So he addresses Christians and non-Christians, but in different ways.
Osteen speaks at length on attitudes and emotions, which may be why many accuse him of lying to people and giving them false hope. I do not believe personally that Joel Osteen is trying to tell people that the words they speak can either get them anything they want from God, or take away (deny them) things that they could've had if they'd just thought better or had a better attitude. I'll use a quote from Nancy Leigh DeMoss to illustrate my point:
"your appearance and your actions and your attitudes will never MAKE you a Christian. They cannot earn you salvation. You can't say 'I'm a good Christian cause I dress like a good Christian, I act like a good Christian, and I have good Christian attitudes'; but if you ARE a Christian, you absolutely will have appearance and actions and attitudes that CONFIRM your profession of faith.". Now this quote from Nancy does not involve Osteen, or any other teacher. But interestingly enough, I think this sums up both what Joel Osteen is...and what he isn't. In my opinion, Joel Osteen is all about appearances and actions and attitudes that CONFIRM a Christian's profession of faith. I believe what he's saying to us, is that if we ARE in Christ Jesus, and our foundation is in HIM, then our attitudes, what we set our minds on, and the words we speak, will either bring us closer to Jesus, or distance us from getting to know him, not in terms of salvation itself, but in terms of the quality of our closeness with him.
2. I have what it says I have. What does the Bible say that Chritians have? We have intimacy with Christ. (John 17:21 & John 17:3). We have access to Christ always. (Deuteronomy 31:6). We have the privilege of praying and seeking Him. (Revelation 3:20; John 14:13-14). We will have all our needs met (as opposed to wants). (Philippians 4:19). And we DO have the privilege of petitioning our Heavenly Father for things that we WANT...and without worrying. (Philippians 4:4-8). This follows right into...
3. I can do what it says I can do. What does the Bible say that Christians can do? We can petition God (ask) for things we would like. (as is mentioned above, with scripture). We can (and should) seek God with our whole being. (Deuteronomy 30:6). We can trust God in everything. (Isaiah 30:20 ; Psalm 32:8). And we CAN walk through life without worry. (Psalm 84:11-12) (Luke 12:32).
Now these are just a few examples which back up Osteen's opening statement in each of his messages. There are obviously many more. But in every single one of Osteen's messages, he seems to be asking: "What's in it for me as a Christian IF my heart attitude in Christ is correct? But I think many people believe that Osteen does not seem to give God credit where credit is due (which would be in all things,)or include the second part of that question. To many, he seems to be giving the impression that anyone can ask God for anything they want and they can get it, based on their attitude (whether it's good or bad).
I would like to suggest that Joel Osteen encourages Christians to be bold with God based on their correct position in him, and what the Bible says they now have, as the result of that position. We as Christians have a responsibility to RESPOND to what we KNOW concerning God, based on what he teaches us about his word, and what we learn about him as we work out our own salvation. With all of these things in place, would it not then be appropriate to petition God expectantly, knowing that the outcome is ultimately His to decide? (James1:4-6).
Another criticism leveled at Osteen, is that he either doesn't teach about suffering, or, that he teaches that if our attitudes are right, and our words are positive, then we WON'T suffer. Having listened to a few of Osteen's sermons, I have just one word in response: Wrong. It is simply not a true statement to say that Joel Osteen teaches that we won't suffer. Perhaps what bother's Osteen's critic's, is his light hearted,"shake it off" approach to suffering. I think this bothers many because it might seem to suggest that our suffering as Christians is no big deal. However, if we really think about it, doesn't the scripture say that these afflictions are only temporary (in comparison with all eternity)? Doesn't scripture say "my yolk is easy my burden is light?". Now a yolk, is something that's designed to keep an animal in control of it's handler. A "yolk" put on us as Christians does not mean that there will be no discomfort, because in obedience we must bear up under it; but the scripture says that He gives power to the weak, and strength to the powerless. (Isaiah 40:28-31).
Might I suggest something else? Our attitude through suffering can either hurt us or help us. I believe this is what Joel Osteen teaches. Our choice of words through a time of suffering can either be negative or positive to our mind, which can either give a "boost" up, or knock us down emotionally and cause us to feel defeated, which can in turn have an affect on the outcome of the suffering we experience. But how to back this up scripturally? Well, let's see...." A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.". "For as a man thinketh in his heart, so he is.". "We Christians can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord, and as the spirit of the Lord moves in us, we become more like him." (1st. Corinthians 3:18).
These are simply suggestions of verses that deal with our words and actions. Perhaps Joel Osteen is criticized because of a lack of scripture references, but examination of his sermons will show that he does in fact back up what he says with scriptures. The simple question is, are we sowing to the flesh or sowing to the spirit? I know that many believe that Joel Osteen encourages people to sow to their flesh as much as they want to and that they will "receive" as long as they speak the right words, which gives Osteen an appearance (to many) of extreme inauthenticity.
In my opinion, a closer look is in order. I once heard John MacArthur mock Joel Osteen's book "Your Best Life Now" by saying that the only way this title could be true is if we are going to hell. Really? Why is that? If that were true then Osteen would be talking about the AFTERLIFE, not our life here and now, day to day. So the remark seemed unnecessary in my view. Besides, what does the scripture say about removing the log from our own eye first.? Now many think that Joel Osteen has the log in HIS eye. I get that. But it is my personal conviction that we as Christians can always choose to live our best life now, day to day, and it is helpful to remember that much of Joel Osteen's outreach deals with professing Christians who simply live as though they are still stuck in the mirey clay that Jesus died to get them out of. Joel Osteen is simply saying: "You don't have to live that way.". To take it a little further: Our attitudes and words do not have to be negative even though our circumstances are. This does not mean that we will get everything we want, and it does not mean that we will not suffer.
As I said, Joel Osteen does not teach either one of these things, in my view. Instead, he teaches the Christian to view their set backs as set-ups for something better. He teaches us to use our difficulties as periods of preparation for God to eventually get us to where he wants us to be. Now the Christian who is working out their salvation knows that the undertone of this teaching is not greed...it's gratitude! It's gratitude because of what Christ has ALREADY DONE! AMEN? And does this attitude not glorify God? When we are suffering but our words are gentle and we praise him anyway? When we make the choice to speak life (deliberately) into a situation that seems dead? This is not ignoring difficulty or trivializing pain, or doing away with all suffering; it's simply choosing to be of good cheer because Christ has overcome the world, in my view. Isn't this what Bible tells us to do?
Viewing several interviews with Osteen, it is my opinion that many have tried to pigeon hole him on many issues, and sort of ask questions in a way that the answer's could be matted and framed to suit their views, rather just allowing Osteen to share the joy he wants to impart to others.
We must never forget that the media (secular) does NOT like to acknowledge the holiness or exclusivity of Jesus; and they particularly do not like to acknowledge that Jesus is the only way to the father. Joel Osteen has been pigeon holed by Larry King, Peerse Morgan, and Oprah Winfrey just to name a few, on issues such as homosexuality, loving those who are not Christians, and the death penalty. The poignant answers Osteen gave so as to not be "boxed in" to attacking someone, have caused certain people to misquote Osteen, saying that he believes there is more then one way to be saved, and the like. References of each video will follow so that you can check for yourself. We must remember, in my view that ultimately we are accountable to God himself. That being said, it would seem to me that to ask anyone to begin assigning certain penalties to certain sins would be unethical and unfair...but this is the way the secular media treats Christians.
On that note, I've read Joel Osteen being called demonic, of the devil and a false prophet. I'm sure that Mr. Osteen himself would agree that he is no prophet. He's flesh and blood just like any other person, with a MEGA ministry that carries with it major responsibilities. With these responsibilities probably come the burden of the continual scrutiny of the media and the public. Every person has feelings and opinions, and they can choose whether they will respond to what is said about them. Joel Osteen has been called a prosperity preacher... and faulted for it. Now, there is a book out there about his negative affect on American Christianity.
Perhaps if we as American Christians decided to honor God by working out our own salvation and we began to read the Bible for all it's worth, as Mr. Hannagraff says, more of his questions from callers might be about the Biblical text itself and not about Mr. Osteen or another spiritual teacher.
It is my opinion that prospering in this life materially ought to be one of the fruits of being obedient to God and abiding in him., rather than something we seek to obtain from God without any love or devotion. But ultimately this is an individual responsibility of each person. If someone does not have a relationship with Jesus and a Biblical foundation, then yes, Joel Osteen's teachings can be dangerous, because what's left is a bunch of smooth talk in order obtain stuff to satisfy a person's lusts. I do NOT believe that Joel Osteen wishes this on anyone. I think he would probably agree that each of us prospers because we are loved by God, and are eternally rich even if we are not what the world calls rich.
Perhaps because Osteen's matter of fact approach can seem more like self help, then Biblical teaching...it is frightening to some. My advice would be, don't be afraid of it and don't be afraid of Joel Osteen. Put on the full armor of God, and always be ready to give a defense for YOUR faith. Read the Bible for all it's worth, and you may even be able to appreciate Mr. Osteen's teachings and use them to live your best life. In any event, pray for Mr. Osteen, and pray for discernment, to work out your own salvation.
Links:
YouTube... Joel Osteen "Don't Fight it."
"Freedom From Wrong Mindsets"
YouTube... Exposing Joel Olsteen "Joel Osteen Denies Jesus" (Larry King)
"John MacArthur Rebukes Joel Osteen"
"Joel Osteen. Gays get into heaven (Oprah)
"Joel Osteen--I would go to a homosexual wedding. I'm not against anything. (Peers Morgan).
Now, if you listen to the popular radio broadcast "The Bible Answer Man" lately, you know that Hank Hannagraff, president of the Christian Research Institute, has written a new book which is called "The Osteenification of American Christianity.". I know from listening to Mr. Hannagraff's show that many of the questions he receives have to do with Joel Osteen and what he teaches, and whether or not it lines up with scripture. The consensus is that it certainly does not! With this in mind, one could see what would prompt Mr. Hannagraff to write such a book, based on what he believes.
Now, I've not read Mr. Hannagraff's book, which might cause some of you to stop reading this entry right here. That's okay. If you're still with me, however, let me just say that I wonder what sort of an emotional affect this book, and all of it's publicity may be having on Osteen himself. So, oddly enough, this has made me want to look further into Joel Osteen's teachings and also at some of his various critics...
The first claim I'll explore is the claim leveled at Osteen that he's teaching people that they can get anything they want if they simply speak the right words into their life. Well, at the beginning of each message, Mr. Osteen makes the following statement:
"This is my Bible. I am what it says I am. I have what it says I have. I can do what it says I can do. Today I will be taught the word of God. I boldly confess. My mind is alert. My heart is receptive. I will never be the same!".
An interesting study, I think, is to just take the phrase apart piece by piece.
1. I am what it says I am.
The Bible says that as Christians, we are to work out our own salvation with fear and trembling. (Philippians 2:12). Now there are many definitions as to what the phrase "work out" means. In my personal opinion, for a Christian to "work out" their salvation means to investigate God and his word and see what he is all about so that we may be assured that our salvation is real, and our affections have now changed from what they once were to what God desires them to be (day by day).
In other words, we are now a new creation in Christ Jesus (2nd Corinthians 5:17-21). Only in this way does a person then BECOME what the Bible says they are. In other words if a person is not born again in Christ and being conformed to the image of Jesus everyday, they are not what the Bible says they are, they do not have what scripture says they have, and they cannot do what scripture says they can do.
Okay, so Joel Osteen is speaking to Christians in one way, and non-Christians in another way. The simple truth is this, in order for Osteen's opening statement to be true, we need to be a born again Christian who is working out our own salvation. If we are not, then Osteen's statement does not apply to us, but we are invited by Osteen at the end of every message to pray the sinners prayer to accept Jesus and then encouraged to get into a Bible believing church. So he addresses Christians and non-Christians, but in different ways.
Osteen speaks at length on attitudes and emotions, which may be why many accuse him of lying to people and giving them false hope. I do not believe personally that Joel Osteen is trying to tell people that the words they speak can either get them anything they want from God, or take away (deny them) things that they could've had if they'd just thought better or had a better attitude. I'll use a quote from Nancy Leigh DeMoss to illustrate my point:
"your appearance and your actions and your attitudes will never MAKE you a Christian. They cannot earn you salvation. You can't say 'I'm a good Christian cause I dress like a good Christian, I act like a good Christian, and I have good Christian attitudes'; but if you ARE a Christian, you absolutely will have appearance and actions and attitudes that CONFIRM your profession of faith.". Now this quote from Nancy does not involve Osteen, or any other teacher. But interestingly enough, I think this sums up both what Joel Osteen is...and what he isn't. In my opinion, Joel Osteen is all about appearances and actions and attitudes that CONFIRM a Christian's profession of faith. I believe what he's saying to us, is that if we ARE in Christ Jesus, and our foundation is in HIM, then our attitudes, what we set our minds on, and the words we speak, will either bring us closer to Jesus, or distance us from getting to know him, not in terms of salvation itself, but in terms of the quality of our closeness with him.
2. I have what it says I have. What does the Bible say that Chritians have? We have intimacy with Christ. (John 17:21 & John 17:3). We have access to Christ always. (Deuteronomy 31:6). We have the privilege of praying and seeking Him. (Revelation 3:20; John 14:13-14). We will have all our needs met (as opposed to wants). (Philippians 4:19). And we DO have the privilege of petitioning our Heavenly Father for things that we WANT...and without worrying. (Philippians 4:4-8). This follows right into...
3. I can do what it says I can do. What does the Bible say that Christians can do? We can petition God (ask) for things we would like. (as is mentioned above, with scripture). We can (and should) seek God with our whole being. (Deuteronomy 30:6). We can trust God in everything. (Isaiah 30:20 ; Psalm 32:8). And we CAN walk through life without worry. (Psalm 84:11-12) (Luke 12:32).
Now these are just a few examples which back up Osteen's opening statement in each of his messages. There are obviously many more. But in every single one of Osteen's messages, he seems to be asking: "What's in it for me as a Christian IF my heart attitude in Christ is correct? But I think many people believe that Osteen does not seem to give God credit where credit is due (which would be in all things,)or include the second part of that question. To many, he seems to be giving the impression that anyone can ask God for anything they want and they can get it, based on their attitude (whether it's good or bad).
I would like to suggest that Joel Osteen encourages Christians to be bold with God based on their correct position in him, and what the Bible says they now have, as the result of that position. We as Christians have a responsibility to RESPOND to what we KNOW concerning God, based on what he teaches us about his word, and what we learn about him as we work out our own salvation. With all of these things in place, would it not then be appropriate to petition God expectantly, knowing that the outcome is ultimately His to decide? (James1:4-6).
Another criticism leveled at Osteen, is that he either doesn't teach about suffering, or, that he teaches that if our attitudes are right, and our words are positive, then we WON'T suffer. Having listened to a few of Osteen's sermons, I have just one word in response: Wrong. It is simply not a true statement to say that Joel Osteen teaches that we won't suffer. Perhaps what bother's Osteen's critic's, is his light hearted,"shake it off" approach to suffering. I think this bothers many because it might seem to suggest that our suffering as Christians is no big deal. However, if we really think about it, doesn't the scripture say that these afflictions are only temporary (in comparison with all eternity)? Doesn't scripture say "my yolk is easy my burden is light?". Now a yolk, is something that's designed to keep an animal in control of it's handler. A "yolk" put on us as Christians does not mean that there will be no discomfort, because in obedience we must bear up under it; but the scripture says that He gives power to the weak, and strength to the powerless. (Isaiah 40:28-31).
Might I suggest something else? Our attitude through suffering can either hurt us or help us. I believe this is what Joel Osteen teaches. Our choice of words through a time of suffering can either be negative or positive to our mind, which can either give a "boost" up, or knock us down emotionally and cause us to feel defeated, which can in turn have an affect on the outcome of the suffering we experience. But how to back this up scripturally? Well, let's see...." A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.". "For as a man thinketh in his heart, so he is.". "We Christians can be mirrors that brightly reflect the glory of the Lord, and as the spirit of the Lord moves in us, we become more like him." (1st. Corinthians 3:18).
These are simply suggestions of verses that deal with our words and actions. Perhaps Joel Osteen is criticized because of a lack of scripture references, but examination of his sermons will show that he does in fact back up what he says with scriptures. The simple question is, are we sowing to the flesh or sowing to the spirit? I know that many believe that Joel Osteen encourages people to sow to their flesh as much as they want to and that they will "receive" as long as they speak the right words, which gives Osteen an appearance (to many) of extreme inauthenticity.
In my opinion, a closer look is in order. I once heard John MacArthur mock Joel Osteen's book "Your Best Life Now" by saying that the only way this title could be true is if we are going to hell. Really? Why is that? If that were true then Osteen would be talking about the AFTERLIFE, not our life here and now, day to day. So the remark seemed unnecessary in my view. Besides, what does the scripture say about removing the log from our own eye first.? Now many think that Joel Osteen has the log in HIS eye. I get that. But it is my personal conviction that we as Christians can always choose to live our best life now, day to day, and it is helpful to remember that much of Joel Osteen's outreach deals with professing Christians who simply live as though they are still stuck in the mirey clay that Jesus died to get them out of. Joel Osteen is simply saying: "You don't have to live that way.". To take it a little further: Our attitudes and words do not have to be negative even though our circumstances are. This does not mean that we will get everything we want, and it does not mean that we will not suffer.
As I said, Joel Osteen does not teach either one of these things, in my view. Instead, he teaches the Christian to view their set backs as set-ups for something better. He teaches us to use our difficulties as periods of preparation for God to eventually get us to where he wants us to be. Now the Christian who is working out their salvation knows that the undertone of this teaching is not greed...it's gratitude! It's gratitude because of what Christ has ALREADY DONE! AMEN? And does this attitude not glorify God? When we are suffering but our words are gentle and we praise him anyway? When we make the choice to speak life (deliberately) into a situation that seems dead? This is not ignoring difficulty or trivializing pain, or doing away with all suffering; it's simply choosing to be of good cheer because Christ has overcome the world, in my view. Isn't this what Bible tells us to do?
Viewing several interviews with Osteen, it is my opinion that many have tried to pigeon hole him on many issues, and sort of ask questions in a way that the answer's could be matted and framed to suit their views, rather just allowing Osteen to share the joy he wants to impart to others.
We must never forget that the media (secular) does NOT like to acknowledge the holiness or exclusivity of Jesus; and they particularly do not like to acknowledge that Jesus is the only way to the father. Joel Osteen has been pigeon holed by Larry King, Peerse Morgan, and Oprah Winfrey just to name a few, on issues such as homosexuality, loving those who are not Christians, and the death penalty. The poignant answers Osteen gave so as to not be "boxed in" to attacking someone, have caused certain people to misquote Osteen, saying that he believes there is more then one way to be saved, and the like. References of each video will follow so that you can check for yourself. We must remember, in my view that ultimately we are accountable to God himself. That being said, it would seem to me that to ask anyone to begin assigning certain penalties to certain sins would be unethical and unfair...but this is the way the secular media treats Christians.
On that note, I've read Joel Osteen being called demonic, of the devil and a false prophet. I'm sure that Mr. Osteen himself would agree that he is no prophet. He's flesh and blood just like any other person, with a MEGA ministry that carries with it major responsibilities. With these responsibilities probably come the burden of the continual scrutiny of the media and the public. Every person has feelings and opinions, and they can choose whether they will respond to what is said about them. Joel Osteen has been called a prosperity preacher... and faulted for it. Now, there is a book out there about his negative affect on American Christianity.
Perhaps if we as American Christians decided to honor God by working out our own salvation and we began to read the Bible for all it's worth, as Mr. Hannagraff says, more of his questions from callers might be about the Biblical text itself and not about Mr. Osteen or another spiritual teacher.
It is my opinion that prospering in this life materially ought to be one of the fruits of being obedient to God and abiding in him., rather than something we seek to obtain from God without any love or devotion. But ultimately this is an individual responsibility of each person. If someone does not have a relationship with Jesus and a Biblical foundation, then yes, Joel Osteen's teachings can be dangerous, because what's left is a bunch of smooth talk in order obtain stuff to satisfy a person's lusts. I do NOT believe that Joel Osteen wishes this on anyone. I think he would probably agree that each of us prospers because we are loved by God, and are eternally rich even if we are not what the world calls rich.
Perhaps because Osteen's matter of fact approach can seem more like self help, then Biblical teaching...it is frightening to some. My advice would be, don't be afraid of it and don't be afraid of Joel Osteen. Put on the full armor of God, and always be ready to give a defense for YOUR faith. Read the Bible for all it's worth, and you may even be able to appreciate Mr. Osteen's teachings and use them to live your best life. In any event, pray for Mr. Osteen, and pray for discernment, to work out your own salvation.
Links:
YouTube... Joel Osteen "Don't Fight it."
"Freedom From Wrong Mindsets"
YouTube... Exposing Joel Olsteen "Joel Osteen Denies Jesus" (Larry King)
"John MacArthur Rebukes Joel Osteen"
"Joel Osteen. Gays get into heaven (Oprah)
"Joel Osteen--I would go to a homosexual wedding. I'm not against anything. (Peers Morgan).
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
I think We Need an Intercessor...
I'm hearing a lot of talk today about California's drought, Dianne Feinstein and Barbara Boxer. Apparently a bill was introduced that would have turned our pumps on, so that we can finally get the water that the world so desperately needs.
Many, including myself, are incensed because Boxer and Feinstein apparently both overturned this piece of legislation. Many want to know why. I'm curious: Where do Diane Feinstein and Barbara Boxer get THEIR water from? Is there some secret supply that nobody knows about or something? It would seem to me that the pumps which would provide CA with more water, would also supply THEM with more water...the same as anyone else. However, Boxer and Feinstein seem not the least bit concerned about this. I wonder why. So much of the entire World's food is grown here. So, if California suffers, then, eventually so does the rest of the world, right? I mean, if so much less food is grown, there would be a lot less of it to import or export, right? Seems to me that this would certainly "break" people if they were not broke before, because it will literally cost everyone a fortune just to eat!
There's a lot of discussion going on today surrounding the question, "what do we do about this?". You know, it's sad, because it seems that whenever private citizens attempt to solve public problems, those "at the wheel" simply decide that they are "gone for the day" (if you will). When the private citizens trying to solve the problem leave, then the public figures at the wheel come out of hiding, and it's back to business as usual. They know that nothing is accomplished this way. But, as I said, logically speaking the same water that keeps us alive will keep Boxer and Feinstein alive as well, so it's a mystery to me that neither one of them seem a bit concerned that we don't have nearly enough of it. Case and point: the Water March that took place on January 16th of this year. Thousands of private citizens took buses to the CA state Capitol in Sacramento to send a message to our people in power: We need our water! Not surprising, many public officials, Feinstein and Boxer included, were simply not in their offices that day. Now, today, our pumps cannot be turned on because the very bill that would've allowed that to happen has been overturned.
How many times do we have to have red tape put over our mouths? This reminds me of the movie "Ever After," when Danielle marries the prince of the land, and this lowly servant girl now has the power to decide what's to be done with her step-mother and step-sisters who've done nothing but prevent her from prospering...
"I only ask that you treat them with as much kindness as they've treated me," is her reply. Needless to say, these three women had miserable lives from that time on. (so the story goes). Sometimes, it just seems that there are certain individuals who are allowed to do much, and are not required to give accountability to anyone. The aftermath seems to be that many people have their suffering greatly multiplied, and the right thing, is swept under the carpet and left there. I wonder, is there anyone OVER Feinstein and Boxer who can say to them that they are not allowed to OVERTURN the bill that would've given us more water? If so, WHO?
I hear a lot of talk about the "people" electing someone into office and then complaining about the job they do afterward. This makes me wonder just how many people DID NOT vote public servants like Feinstein or Boxer into office. Listen, most private citizens don't have the money to run a campaign, or hold a fancy dinner, or advertise on TV...so which "PEOPLE" are being mentioned here? Not the average Joe who's just trying to buy groceries every week! By the way, doesn't it seem to you that with no more water this will be a lot HARDER to do? I think it's ironic that I used the term "servant" there. Who are they really serving? Well, they just kept our pumps from generating more water...I don't think that will HELP the PEOPLE, do you? I think the fact is, that most people simply don't have the money or power to be KNOWN well enough, to make the difference they need to make. So their "voice" (even though it's a louder voice) is silenced. I say it again: How many "PEOPLE" did not vote either of these women into office? Regardless, we are now all "subject" to the terrible job they are doing. Talk about a slap in the face!! I did NOT vote for this! I can assure you that I have no interest in denying anyone of the one thing we all need! I believe I speak for most private citizens when I say this.
I can't help but wonder sometimes what the rest of the world thinks as they see California, and the whole of the US suffering so greatly at the hands of so few people. Do they think it's ridiculous? Probably. The thing is, I think most of the citizens of California would agree...it IS ridiculous! It's BEYOND ridiculous! I think many of us have TRIED to make our opinions count...we've TRIED to let our voices be heard. The problem for most of us, is that our beliefs and opinions are always being counted OUT by those with more money, more power, more prestige, and a much bigger public platform. We DON'T appreciate the fact that we have become sort of like a national "laughingstock". We are NOT a bunch of idiots, who know nothing, but it seems that with people like Boxer and Feinstein on their "thrones" of decision making, who could tell??
On that note, from wherever you're reading this, there's a possibility that a California farmer grew some of the food you've eaten, or some of the ingredients to make it. Farmers truly are the MOST over worked, underpaid, under-appreciated people I can think of. Ours are dying out here in in the Golden State, and even when we demand answers, we are silenced. It's a travesty, as far as I'm concerned. As it is, much of our water must now be "borrowed" from places some distance away, that are not local. Just listen to any CA talk radio station over the Internet, and you'll know what I mean. We need our water...simple as that...because it seems to me that EVERYBODY will have less food if we don't have our crops irrigated. Fast and pray. This problem affects far more than just us, would you agree? Thanks!
Many, including myself, are incensed because Boxer and Feinstein apparently both overturned this piece of legislation. Many want to know why. I'm curious: Where do Diane Feinstein and Barbara Boxer get THEIR water from? Is there some secret supply that nobody knows about or something? It would seem to me that the pumps which would provide CA with more water, would also supply THEM with more water...the same as anyone else. However, Boxer and Feinstein seem not the least bit concerned about this. I wonder why. So much of the entire World's food is grown here. So, if California suffers, then, eventually so does the rest of the world, right? I mean, if so much less food is grown, there would be a lot less of it to import or export, right? Seems to me that this would certainly "break" people if they were not broke before, because it will literally cost everyone a fortune just to eat!
There's a lot of discussion going on today surrounding the question, "what do we do about this?". You know, it's sad, because it seems that whenever private citizens attempt to solve public problems, those "at the wheel" simply decide that they are "gone for the day" (if you will). When the private citizens trying to solve the problem leave, then the public figures at the wheel come out of hiding, and it's back to business as usual. They know that nothing is accomplished this way. But, as I said, logically speaking the same water that keeps us alive will keep Boxer and Feinstein alive as well, so it's a mystery to me that neither one of them seem a bit concerned that we don't have nearly enough of it. Case and point: the Water March that took place on January 16th of this year. Thousands of private citizens took buses to the CA state Capitol in Sacramento to send a message to our people in power: We need our water! Not surprising, many public officials, Feinstein and Boxer included, were simply not in their offices that day. Now, today, our pumps cannot be turned on because the very bill that would've allowed that to happen has been overturned.
How many times do we have to have red tape put over our mouths? This reminds me of the movie "Ever After," when Danielle marries the prince of the land, and this lowly servant girl now has the power to decide what's to be done with her step-mother and step-sisters who've done nothing but prevent her from prospering...
"I only ask that you treat them with as much kindness as they've treated me," is her reply. Needless to say, these three women had miserable lives from that time on. (so the story goes). Sometimes, it just seems that there are certain individuals who are allowed to do much, and are not required to give accountability to anyone. The aftermath seems to be that many people have their suffering greatly multiplied, and the right thing, is swept under the carpet and left there. I wonder, is there anyone OVER Feinstein and Boxer who can say to them that they are not allowed to OVERTURN the bill that would've given us more water? If so, WHO?
I hear a lot of talk about the "people" electing someone into office and then complaining about the job they do afterward. This makes me wonder just how many people DID NOT vote public servants like Feinstein or Boxer into office. Listen, most private citizens don't have the money to run a campaign, or hold a fancy dinner, or advertise on TV...so which "PEOPLE" are being mentioned here? Not the average Joe who's just trying to buy groceries every week! By the way, doesn't it seem to you that with no more water this will be a lot HARDER to do? I think it's ironic that I used the term "servant" there. Who are they really serving? Well, they just kept our pumps from generating more water...I don't think that will HELP the PEOPLE, do you? I think the fact is, that most people simply don't have the money or power to be KNOWN well enough, to make the difference they need to make. So their "voice" (even though it's a louder voice) is silenced. I say it again: How many "PEOPLE" did not vote either of these women into office? Regardless, we are now all "subject" to the terrible job they are doing. Talk about a slap in the face!! I did NOT vote for this! I can assure you that I have no interest in denying anyone of the one thing we all need! I believe I speak for most private citizens when I say this.
I can't help but wonder sometimes what the rest of the world thinks as they see California, and the whole of the US suffering so greatly at the hands of so few people. Do they think it's ridiculous? Probably. The thing is, I think most of the citizens of California would agree...it IS ridiculous! It's BEYOND ridiculous! I think many of us have TRIED to make our opinions count...we've TRIED to let our voices be heard. The problem for most of us, is that our beliefs and opinions are always being counted OUT by those with more money, more power, more prestige, and a much bigger public platform. We DON'T appreciate the fact that we have become sort of like a national "laughingstock". We are NOT a bunch of idiots, who know nothing, but it seems that with people like Boxer and Feinstein on their "thrones" of decision making, who could tell??
On that note, from wherever you're reading this, there's a possibility that a California farmer grew some of the food you've eaten, or some of the ingredients to make it. Farmers truly are the MOST over worked, underpaid, under-appreciated people I can think of. Ours are dying out here in in the Golden State, and even when we demand answers, we are silenced. It's a travesty, as far as I'm concerned. As it is, much of our water must now be "borrowed" from places some distance away, that are not local. Just listen to any CA talk radio station over the Internet, and you'll know what I mean. We need our water...simple as that...because it seems to me that EVERYBODY will have less food if we don't have our crops irrigated. Fast and pray. This problem affects far more than just us, would you agree? Thanks!
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Men?
It's hard for me to know where to begin with this post.
After I wrote my quote last night, and my entry about modesty ("Moses Supposes Quotes,") I kept thinking about whether I've ever seen the principle of modesty taught to men. The answer of course, is no. I have a definition...but what do we think of when we think modesty? One of the first things I think of, actually, is "immodesty"... In the form of a woman showing too much cleavage, or too much leg, or both. Interesting. Why do we automatically think of the opposite with a gorgeous word like "modesty"? I'm not sure, but maybe it's because of the reasons we need modesty.
How does a person behave when they are NOT modest? Are they too loud? Do they talk too much, too fast? What sorts of things do they say? Do they attack people with their words? Are they offensive? Do they curse? How do they dress? Do their clothes fit properly? Are they too loose or too tight? Too short? (I should say, Are they PURPOSELY too loose or too tight?). What about eating and drinking? Are they temperate and "adult" in these things, or do they eat too fast, talk with their mouth full and then leave a mess everywhere? How many of you are still thinking of women as I'm saying these things? Right? When I ask up there about teaching modesty to MEN... that's not a typo.
By default, we think of women, and the way that they dress when it comes to modesty...and that's fine. But does/can modesty apply to men as well? Now I think I'll go to the definition: 1. A freedom from conceit or vanity. 2. Propriety in dress, speech, or conduct. So, can these definitions apply to men as well? I think the answer is of course! So, my next question then becomes, why don't they? Let me put it another way: why don't we talk about the way these definitions apply to guys? Probably because of what I said above: We think of women in terms of the way that they are dressed when it comes to modesty. Now, I know I've opened the floodgates here, because this is a weird topic, but let's look at it like this: if modesty in a woman means being a lady, perhaps modesty in a man means being a gentleman. Yes? Wow! Men, are you "proper" in your dress and speech and conduct? Do you make an effort to be free from conceit and vanity? Mind you, I'm not asking if you are perfect in these things...because no one is. But for both women and men: what is the heart motivation in your dress, speech or conduct? Would this be fair?
A sad reality seems to be that most women know nothing about modesty themselves. It's simply not taught...it's not even on the radar screen...even though (as mentioned), we stereo-typically think of women when it comes to modesty). Of course, this is not always the case. But go to the mall on any given day, or turn on the TV. Most of the time, the women are wearing the too short dress with too much cleavage, leading the guy around by the hand, telling him he's gotta get it together, or making fun of him when he isn't in the room (or even worse, when he IS in the room!).
It seems that if he shows "modesty" and decides to be a gentleman, and doesn't stand up for himself, then he's generally perceived as weak and clumsy, (and after all, what else can you expect out of him, right?). If he does present his side, stand of for himself, and ask that she (and her friends) not treat him that way, then most of the women just make him the butt of jokes and, they shrug off what he says, and just tell him he's too sensitive. Either that, or they say he's an INSENSITIVE jerk who just needs to lighten up.
Either way, the underlying message seems to be that women are tough enough to handle anything all the time, and men are weak, stumbling idiots', who only mess everything up. I know, I've written about this before, but it seems to be an issue close to my heart. The image portrayed around me is that if a man is wrong...he's wrong; and that's to be expected. If a man is RIGHT...he's still wrong...and that's to be expected. (!!!). Do I feel this way? No, not at all. I feel brokenhearted because it seems we are teaching women to be men...and men to be women.
After I wrote my quote last night, and my entry about modesty ("Moses Supposes Quotes,") I kept thinking about whether I've ever seen the principle of modesty taught to men. The answer of course, is no. I have a definition...but what do we think of when we think modesty? One of the first things I think of, actually, is "immodesty"... In the form of a woman showing too much cleavage, or too much leg, or both. Interesting. Why do we automatically think of the opposite with a gorgeous word like "modesty"? I'm not sure, but maybe it's because of the reasons we need modesty.
How does a person behave when they are NOT modest? Are they too loud? Do they talk too much, too fast? What sorts of things do they say? Do they attack people with their words? Are they offensive? Do they curse? How do they dress? Do their clothes fit properly? Are they too loose or too tight? Too short? (I should say, Are they PURPOSELY too loose or too tight?). What about eating and drinking? Are they temperate and "adult" in these things, or do they eat too fast, talk with their mouth full and then leave a mess everywhere? How many of you are still thinking of women as I'm saying these things? Right? When I ask up there about teaching modesty to MEN... that's not a typo.
By default, we think of women, and the way that they dress when it comes to modesty...and that's fine. But does/can modesty apply to men as well? Now I think I'll go to the definition: 1. A freedom from conceit or vanity. 2. Propriety in dress, speech, or conduct. So, can these definitions apply to men as well? I think the answer is of course! So, my next question then becomes, why don't they? Let me put it another way: why don't we talk about the way these definitions apply to guys? Probably because of what I said above: We think of women in terms of the way that they are dressed when it comes to modesty. Now, I know I've opened the floodgates here, because this is a weird topic, but let's look at it like this: if modesty in a woman means being a lady, perhaps modesty in a man means being a gentleman. Yes? Wow! Men, are you "proper" in your dress and speech and conduct? Do you make an effort to be free from conceit and vanity? Mind you, I'm not asking if you are perfect in these things...because no one is. But for both women and men: what is the heart motivation in your dress, speech or conduct? Would this be fair?
A sad reality seems to be that most women know nothing about modesty themselves. It's simply not taught...it's not even on the radar screen...even though (as mentioned), we stereo-typically think of women when it comes to modesty). Of course, this is not always the case. But go to the mall on any given day, or turn on the TV. Most of the time, the women are wearing the too short dress with too much cleavage, leading the guy around by the hand, telling him he's gotta get it together, or making fun of him when he isn't in the room (or even worse, when he IS in the room!).
It seems that if he shows "modesty" and decides to be a gentleman, and doesn't stand up for himself, then he's generally perceived as weak and clumsy, (and after all, what else can you expect out of him, right?). If he does present his side, stand of for himself, and ask that she (and her friends) not treat him that way, then most of the women just make him the butt of jokes and, they shrug off what he says, and just tell him he's too sensitive. Either that, or they say he's an INSENSITIVE jerk who just needs to lighten up.
Either way, the underlying message seems to be that women are tough enough to handle anything all the time, and men are weak, stumbling idiots', who only mess everything up. I know, I've written about this before, but it seems to be an issue close to my heart. The image portrayed around me is that if a man is wrong...he's wrong; and that's to be expected. If a man is RIGHT...he's still wrong...and that's to be expected. (!!!). Do I feel this way? No, not at all. I feel brokenhearted because it seems we are teaching women to be men...and men to be women.
Ladies and Gentleman
I learned a valuable lesson yesterday about humility. Won't go into too specific details. I suppose everyone must do this at times...I'm not always sure why it can be so challenging for me...but since I've been learning so much about AS over the last couple years, the insight has been amazing and unbelievable.
But I don't want this to be about AS or any other neurological condition. That's why this post is not on my AS blog. Most of my life, I've been self conscious and paranoid because I knew I needed to "lighten up.". I've kicked myself because I was too sensitive. Why couldn't I just laugh at that joke? What made me cry so easily? Why couldn't I understand what my friend's just laughed at? Even worse, why did I seem to become so angry at the smallest dishonesty, piece of misinformation, misunderstanding, or untruth? Metaphor and innuendo, connotation, imply... I'm an English major, so I can certainly look these words up and define them, write papers on them and give examples. But it's actually much harder for me to understand how these things work in real life. Now, be it known that my friend's are amazing. No disrespect intended here...I'm only expressing a conviction.
One of my college instructors once defined being a lady or a gentleman as: Never willfully causing offense to someone else (or choosing to hold back, so as not to cause offense to someone else). Lord help me. As someone who is passionate and quick tempered; someone who easily over-reacts and says too much too quickly...I need a lot of mercy and patience from others. I've worked very hard at the apparent art of laughing things off, but the honest truth is, I'm really not good at it. There must be a term for knowing when a word or phrase slips into a slot like change into a vending machine... because I've done it all my life. I think this is how I've always "made up for" my biting sensitivity. This is an odd thing to say for someone so determined to be "honest" to a fault, but it's true. Am I making things up? Well, only when I know they are supposed to be (like fairy tales)...or...when I need to because the TRUTH is...that I have no idea what you mean. How many times have you ever had someone say to you that they are just messing with you, and you laughed it off?
Do you like to be messed with? Truth be told: I do not. So, do you now have the image of a "stuffed shirt" who never smiles in your head? I hope not... because that isn't who I am. I have a wonderful sense of humor, very giddy and actually pretty sweet. I'd like to think that I'm just very selective in what I find funny. An innuendo is when someone points something out without literally referring to it. Sarcasm is a kind of wit (or sense of humor) that has a cutting remark that is intended to wound. Okay, truth be told: I can dish it out...but I sure can't take it. Both of those things I defined...I can dish them out, but I can't take them from others. Not really. I think I've learned to be a master of innuendo and sarcasm, but I THINK I learned to do this by sticking all the right words in the right places. Translation: I'm good at making it LOOK like I really know what I'm talking about. Hmmm...interesting. Don't people do this everyday when they go to work? They stick all the right words in the right places so they look like they really know what they are talking about (and most of the time, they DO know what they're talking about)? Right?
So, what am I talking about? What's the difference between Looking like you know what you're talking about, say, in order to keep your job, and just withholding information or words so that someone else does NOT know what you're really doing or saying? Is this Jeopardy? Did I just give my answer in the form of a question? My point is, you know that embarrassing moment when someone realizes that they are painfully slower than the others in the group, and everybody has just "pulled one over" on them? Sometimes people need to be spared from that so that they aren't hurt. Have you ever been laughed at, or made fun of because of a question you asked? I think we all have, but I thought that the only dumb question is the one you don't ask. Yes, this is a "figure" of speech, but why don't we just say what we really mean? Maybe it's because we know that we WILL make fun of any question that we personally find to be ridiculous or stupid, or just too OBVIOUS. I think it's a certain pride, and a false sense of strength that maybe makes us think: "Well, at least I understand more than THAT!
Sometimes I like to think that I'm really smart because I can use all the right figures of speech. I think it takes a lot of practice to know whether to say something or whether to withhold it. I've decided I just want my yes to be yes and my no to be no. Lord only knows how many times I have hurt someone else because of sarcasm, innuendo, and empty words, scoffing at what I believe to be ridiculous because that makes me feel better about myself, getting angry and impatient because someone does not understand me just right, or asks the same question too many times...and yes...deciding that the answer is way too obvious and that the question is stupid...treating someone frivolously, but (of course) not telling them what I really think because I'm actually preying on their emotional weaknesses...which, of course, never makes the OTHER person weak! Right?
I'm a master of the cutting remark, and it kills gentleness and tenderness, and all the other fruits of the spirit, that God says honors him. I'm embarrassed, no longer over what I experienced, but all the unpleasantness that the experience brought out of me. Lord grant me enough courage to let go of grudges, and the need to be right. Help me to identify those things in my life which profuse wrong responses in me. Help me to be a lady. Thank you.
But I don't want this to be about AS or any other neurological condition. That's why this post is not on my AS blog. Most of my life, I've been self conscious and paranoid because I knew I needed to "lighten up.". I've kicked myself because I was too sensitive. Why couldn't I just laugh at that joke? What made me cry so easily? Why couldn't I understand what my friend's just laughed at? Even worse, why did I seem to become so angry at the smallest dishonesty, piece of misinformation, misunderstanding, or untruth? Metaphor and innuendo, connotation, imply... I'm an English major, so I can certainly look these words up and define them, write papers on them and give examples. But it's actually much harder for me to understand how these things work in real life. Now, be it known that my friend's are amazing. No disrespect intended here...I'm only expressing a conviction.
One of my college instructors once defined being a lady or a gentleman as: Never willfully causing offense to someone else (or choosing to hold back, so as not to cause offense to someone else). Lord help me. As someone who is passionate and quick tempered; someone who easily over-reacts and says too much too quickly...I need a lot of mercy and patience from others. I've worked very hard at the apparent art of laughing things off, but the honest truth is, I'm really not good at it. There must be a term for knowing when a word or phrase slips into a slot like change into a vending machine... because I've done it all my life. I think this is how I've always "made up for" my biting sensitivity. This is an odd thing to say for someone so determined to be "honest" to a fault, but it's true. Am I making things up? Well, only when I know they are supposed to be (like fairy tales)...or...when I need to because the TRUTH is...that I have no idea what you mean. How many times have you ever had someone say to you that they are just messing with you, and you laughed it off?
Do you like to be messed with? Truth be told: I do not. So, do you now have the image of a "stuffed shirt" who never smiles in your head? I hope not... because that isn't who I am. I have a wonderful sense of humor, very giddy and actually pretty sweet. I'd like to think that I'm just very selective in what I find funny. An innuendo is when someone points something out without literally referring to it. Sarcasm is a kind of wit (or sense of humor) that has a cutting remark that is intended to wound. Okay, truth be told: I can dish it out...but I sure can't take it. Both of those things I defined...I can dish them out, but I can't take them from others. Not really. I think I've learned to be a master of innuendo and sarcasm, but I THINK I learned to do this by sticking all the right words in the right places. Translation: I'm good at making it LOOK like I really know what I'm talking about. Hmmm...interesting. Don't people do this everyday when they go to work? They stick all the right words in the right places so they look like they really know what they are talking about (and most of the time, they DO know what they're talking about)? Right?
So, what am I talking about? What's the difference between Looking like you know what you're talking about, say, in order to keep your job, and just withholding information or words so that someone else does NOT know what you're really doing or saying? Is this Jeopardy? Did I just give my answer in the form of a question? My point is, you know that embarrassing moment when someone realizes that they are painfully slower than the others in the group, and everybody has just "pulled one over" on them? Sometimes people need to be spared from that so that they aren't hurt. Have you ever been laughed at, or made fun of because of a question you asked? I think we all have, but I thought that the only dumb question is the one you don't ask. Yes, this is a "figure" of speech, but why don't we just say what we really mean? Maybe it's because we know that we WILL make fun of any question that we personally find to be ridiculous or stupid, or just too OBVIOUS. I think it's a certain pride, and a false sense of strength that maybe makes us think: "Well, at least I understand more than THAT!
Sometimes I like to think that I'm really smart because I can use all the right figures of speech. I think it takes a lot of practice to know whether to say something or whether to withhold it. I've decided I just want my yes to be yes and my no to be no. Lord only knows how many times I have hurt someone else because of sarcasm, innuendo, and empty words, scoffing at what I believe to be ridiculous because that makes me feel better about myself, getting angry and impatient because someone does not understand me just right, or asks the same question too many times...and yes...deciding that the answer is way too obvious and that the question is stupid...treating someone frivolously, but (of course) not telling them what I really think because I'm actually preying on their emotional weaknesses...which, of course, never makes the OTHER person weak! Right?
I'm a master of the cutting remark, and it kills gentleness and tenderness, and all the other fruits of the spirit, that God says honors him. I'm embarrassed, no longer over what I experienced, but all the unpleasantness that the experience brought out of me. Lord grant me enough courage to let go of grudges, and the need to be right. Help me to identify those things in my life which profuse wrong responses in me. Help me to be a lady. Thank you.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
He's Working...
This morning as I was thinking about Christmas presents to make and groceries to buy, I heard yet another Christian Mingle commercial. There's a Christian radio station I listen to, and Christian Mingle is one of their sponsors. So their ads are broadcast about every half hour. So, thank you so much Christian Mingle for helping my favorite radio programs to stay on the air. I so appreciate that! :)
Now, I've used Christian Mingle myself, and my experience with them was one of integrity. They are honest about their rates and policies, and I LOVE the fact that they have a writer's forum! If writing is your thing and you want to try a dating site...I think Christian Mingle is worth it. I learned so much about myself, and about others there...
Okay, red light.
Believe it or not... This is not encouragement to JOIN a dating site. The most powerful thing I learned on Christian Mingle, was that a "dating site" is not the way that God wants to bring my husband into my life. Now, if you've used a dating site and it works for you and you know it's His will... Wonderful! God is good! :). But this entry is for all those who have a calling on their lives to stay away from the dating site "bandwagon". Now, unfortunately, dating sites have become such an accepted part of our pop culture, that there now is a "bandwagon" that singles are encouraged to jump on...even if it's a Christian bandwagon. Did you know that E-Harmony was one of the earliest (if not, the FIRST) online dating sites, founded by Christian psychologist Dr. Neil Clark Warren?
Now, as someone who (admittedly) put marriage on a pedestal and made an idol out of it, it has been quite difficult for me to "wait on the Lord" in this area! I know now that I've not been attracted to a man (well, okay, I've been temporarily attracted to several...even if they were only on TV). But I've actually been attracted to an ongoing adrenaline rush of anticipation. The anticipation of hearing the Wedding March. But, in honesty, the idea of a wedding gives me more anxiety than anything else. Too many details to plan... yikes! But, even so...from the age of 18, the idea of meeting this incredibly gorgeous guy, and kissing and hugging and holding and heavy petting, have "driven" me to want to get married.(ahhh, now we're getting down to it). It only stands to reason...guess what comes after the wedding day? The wedding night. (I've actually been dreaming of my wedding DAY since I was eight, but that's another story :). Wow. Even as I write this, I am embarrassed, because I realize that I've been dishonest with the God I say I serve...
The above paragraph has some bold statements, but I'm glad I started with them, because I don't want this writing to be another whining tangent about why it has not happened for me yet, or how unfair I think it is that the single life is glorified, while marriage is portrayed as some prison that people get stuck in. No. Honesty and responsibility... These are my goals here. Okay, another bold statement: I have not a had a boyfriend since the age of 18. It's been a long time. And, it has not been for lack of trying. As you can imagine, I HATE the "gift of singleness" talk, and anyone who wants to complain because they have not had a boyfriend in... 3 months...6 months...a year...two years, should just tell your story walking because let's just say, you'd never wanna trade places with me! :). Now, here's the thing, back when I was just 14 years old, I had boyfriend who was a complete jerk and made me feel bad about myself. At 15 I became a Christian, and was totally convicted that this guy needed to be done away with...he was not a godly person (duh, right?). At 16, I fell too hard, too fast, for an AMAZING Christian guy that I really did believe I would marry. We became too heavily involved and often found ourselves in compromising situations where we would "test" how close we could get to the line of fire without actually getting burned. We were alone too much, and were told to just watch ourselves and be careful.
So at 16, this became my idea of "waiting on the Lord" and staying pure. I reasoned that because we had never "crossed" the line of fire (if you will) then we had not done anything wrong. So, lust ruled us for the next two years, I graduated high school at 17, and the following year, shortly after he graduated, we very abruptly...broke up. Now, I realize very clearly that when we are instructed in scripture to not awaken love until it pleases, there's a reason for that! God does not want us doing what's "right" based only on a technicality! Maybe we had not crossed the line of fire, but we were definitely playing with it! We absolutely, had "awakened" love before the time was right, and that started a fire...that very abruptly went out. Now, a nice Christian girl going through all of this with a nice Christian guy never thinks that her brain is using lust like a drug so that her body can "get high" on it. She also never thinks that this can happen WITHOUT crossing the line of fire. She thinks that as long as she's NOT engaging in the one act forbidden to all unmarried Christians...she's fine...right?
Wrong.
Every young teen couple thinks that what they have is the most amazing thing on earth, and that they are completely devoted to each other. Adrenaline tends to put that mask on things. To reduce such a "sacred" thing down to a "drug" that a couple is getting high from could seem like a travesty. Here's the thing you guys: God knew that I could not recover from this sort of "withdrawal"... not for a LONG time anyway! It was at this time in my life that something began to happen to me that I could not explain: I walked around, LITERALLY feeling like half a person. Something had been torn away...broken in pieces...and I could not repair it, or replace it. It was like I had "scraped" my very soul, and now I could not stop the bleeding. What had happened? My high school boyfriend & I had broken up... that's all.
But that was NOT all! There was no divorce, because there had been no marriage, but something had definitely been joined...because now it was broken, and it was KILLING me! There was no death...I'd only broken up with my high school boyfriend right? So why did I feel like a widow who had lost her husband? Why was it literally like half of me was gone... and why was it supposed to be the best news of my life that I would "find somebody else"? Talk about a huge insult added to a severe injury! You mean I was supposed to be happy about going through all this AGAIN? All of this came from the "withdrawal" of being so attached to the "lust" that my inexperience told me was love. It seemed as though the bleeding, open wound, and all the baggage attached was left hanging in space, and I was the one with the gauze. THIS was the entering and exiting of relationships in order to find the right one, that everybody was so cavalier about?? Anyway, when I began to get my strength back, I did in fact, reason, that I would just "find somebody else.". Or that God would soon "bring" me someone else, to be more spiritual about it. I would not allow myself to understand just how NOT ready I was (in any case) for any such thing.
Hey, everybody else around me, Christian or not, seemed to just go on, and find somebody else, right? Why couldn't I? So, three things happened: I became intensely angry with my Father, because each time there was even a hint of another boyfriend on the horizon, God not only would close that door, he would SLAM it in my face! (I soooo THANK him now, for doing that!). Secondly, I truly felt the separation and the "sting" of being true to my savor, because I was NOT like most people around me... Christian or not! It REALLY get's tough when you realize that God won't allow you to "fit" even with the other Christians around you! Not looking like the world is one thing...not blending in with your Christian brothers and sisters where it's comfortable is something else entirely!! Thirdly, I noticed that my devotion poured out for a man who was no longer in my life would not allow me to even be free to be involved...with ANYONE. It was just too much! Not only was my cup empty...it was bone dry! I had nothing left to give! (What if the RIGHT man came along and now I had nothing left to give HIM?)
Time out. God is always on time. He is never late...but there's no need for him to ever be early either. His timing is perfect, so never is he rushed. Sometimes it takes the most time, I think, for him to clean up a mess we've made. I know now, that God has waited a LONG time on my behalf...so that I would truly be okay. I didn't realize it then, but I was trying to follow the World's pattern of doing things and and then getting angry with God because He wasn't allowing it to work! (Thank you Lord that it did not!!). I then began comparing myself with other Christians around me, and every time another brother or sister would get in a relationship, engaged, or married, I would then deepen my own personal grudge against God. I would say to him that he let it happen for them...so he could let it happen for me too. But he couldn't. Because I keep pouring salt in the very wounds he's wanting to heal. Really, it boils down to three words: I. Haven't. Submitted. I never have...not really.
The pain continued, and I began to be afraid that my dream of marriage would never be...so I would vigorously try to resurrect it...by seeking out another relationship, or arguing with God again, or even worse, trying to prove to God that I had all my ducks in a row, and surely NOW would be the time, right? I've heard that bargaining is part of the grief process, and truthfully, mine's gone on for years! Interesting. Isn't this the total opposite of the freedom Christians have in Christ? Don't we tell people that we have nothing to prove to Him? So what on earth was I trying to prove?? That I COULD handle it THIS time if he just let me try it again? As Chip Ingram says, that's like hitting your thumb with a hammer, feeling the pain, and then hitting it again, thinking the result will be different. (I'm so happy God never answered that prayer!!)
I found it interesting that no matter what else I seemed to occupy my time with, the pain inside never seemed to completely go away. It was like this terrible shadow cast on the "single" life that I was supposed to be enjoying so much. Is it really supposed to be THIS bad?? Is it supposed to go on for THIS long?? In my case...yes. God has had to keep undoing the damage from the salt that I keep pouring in my wounds by running ahead of him, chasing after the wrong thing, justifying it, running after it again...and so on. After a while, I really did just want to feel normal again, and I became truly afraid that this would never happen. Another year would go by, and then another, and I would vigorously try to understand, why I could not seem to just be happy with myself and just know God is enough, and that's enough. There truly was a pain inside that I couldn't identify...but trying to bury it, or rid myself of it quicker, only made it so much worse. The hurt seemed to drown everything else, including the joy of just enjoying myself.
So, God has loved me through this, and alowed me to ware myself out...and now I can say that my singleness truly is a gift from God and I'm very grateful for it! I've been so busy trying to change the season, that I never truly allowed God to show me the courage to embrace the season I'm already in. I learned how to say all the right things and look well put together on the outside... but was still crumbling on the inside. I find that stubbornness can teach us a lot about ourselves, because God won't move us until we give it up. In that time...or should I say, "Time out"... there are a lot of lessons he'll go over with us, until we surrender. I say all of this, because when I was on "Christian Mingle" it was only because I had "jumped on the bandwagon.". The commercials are everywhere... and let's face...it seems like everybody's at least trying it, right? No. Not everyone. That's not true. But I think it's interesting how the ads seem to really agree with a person's vulnerabilities. Sometimes, it does seem like you'll never find the one God intended for you. Don't force a solution. Whether it's with Christian Mingle or anything else. This might spike your adrenaline because of all the gorgeous guys, and even get you a relationship... but is it God's will for your life?
This is for anyone who is having to do things the HARD hard way...and it's a lot harder than they THOUGHT they KNEW it was. This is for anyone who's tempted about every half hour to jump on a "bandwagon" that God has told them to stay off of...no matter how many other Christians had found success that way. This is for anyone who's sincerely cried out to God, and thought they couldn't stand another minute of being alone, and then felt guilty as they tried to pick themselves up: "Isn't God enough?". I'm so happy to say...YES HE IS!! I know what it's like when the clichet's just don't work anymore, but the God of peace is so much more than a cliche' about his timing. I find that he HAS shown me that this really is not nearly as difficult as I've made it. I only needed to let go. Gee, no wonder it's taken so long! :). Let Him heal the wound.
Now, I've used Christian Mingle myself, and my experience with them was one of integrity. They are honest about their rates and policies, and I LOVE the fact that they have a writer's forum! If writing is your thing and you want to try a dating site...I think Christian Mingle is worth it. I learned so much about myself, and about others there...
Okay, red light.
Believe it or not... This is not encouragement to JOIN a dating site. The most powerful thing I learned on Christian Mingle, was that a "dating site" is not the way that God wants to bring my husband into my life. Now, if you've used a dating site and it works for you and you know it's His will... Wonderful! God is good! :). But this entry is for all those who have a calling on their lives to stay away from the dating site "bandwagon". Now, unfortunately, dating sites have become such an accepted part of our pop culture, that there now is a "bandwagon" that singles are encouraged to jump on...even if it's a Christian bandwagon. Did you know that E-Harmony was one of the earliest (if not, the FIRST) online dating sites, founded by Christian psychologist Dr. Neil Clark Warren?
Now, as someone who (admittedly) put marriage on a pedestal and made an idol out of it, it has been quite difficult for me to "wait on the Lord" in this area! I know now that I've not been attracted to a man (well, okay, I've been temporarily attracted to several...even if they were only on TV). But I've actually been attracted to an ongoing adrenaline rush of anticipation. The anticipation of hearing the Wedding March. But, in honesty, the idea of a wedding gives me more anxiety than anything else. Too many details to plan... yikes! But, even so...from the age of 18, the idea of meeting this incredibly gorgeous guy, and kissing and hugging and holding and heavy petting, have "driven" me to want to get married.(ahhh, now we're getting down to it). It only stands to reason...guess what comes after the wedding day? The wedding night. (I've actually been dreaming of my wedding DAY since I was eight, but that's another story :). Wow. Even as I write this, I am embarrassed, because I realize that I've been dishonest with the God I say I serve...
The above paragraph has some bold statements, but I'm glad I started with them, because I don't want this writing to be another whining tangent about why it has not happened for me yet, or how unfair I think it is that the single life is glorified, while marriage is portrayed as some prison that people get stuck in. No. Honesty and responsibility... These are my goals here. Okay, another bold statement: I have not a had a boyfriend since the age of 18. It's been a long time. And, it has not been for lack of trying. As you can imagine, I HATE the "gift of singleness" talk, and anyone who wants to complain because they have not had a boyfriend in... 3 months...6 months...a year...two years, should just tell your story walking because let's just say, you'd never wanna trade places with me! :). Now, here's the thing, back when I was just 14 years old, I had boyfriend who was a complete jerk and made me feel bad about myself. At 15 I became a Christian, and was totally convicted that this guy needed to be done away with...he was not a godly person (duh, right?). At 16, I fell too hard, too fast, for an AMAZING Christian guy that I really did believe I would marry. We became too heavily involved and often found ourselves in compromising situations where we would "test" how close we could get to the line of fire without actually getting burned. We were alone too much, and were told to just watch ourselves and be careful.
So at 16, this became my idea of "waiting on the Lord" and staying pure. I reasoned that because we had never "crossed" the line of fire (if you will) then we had not done anything wrong. So, lust ruled us for the next two years, I graduated high school at 17, and the following year, shortly after he graduated, we very abruptly...broke up. Now, I realize very clearly that when we are instructed in scripture to not awaken love until it pleases, there's a reason for that! God does not want us doing what's "right" based only on a technicality! Maybe we had not crossed the line of fire, but we were definitely playing with it! We absolutely, had "awakened" love before the time was right, and that started a fire...that very abruptly went out. Now, a nice Christian girl going through all of this with a nice Christian guy never thinks that her brain is using lust like a drug so that her body can "get high" on it. She also never thinks that this can happen WITHOUT crossing the line of fire. She thinks that as long as she's NOT engaging in the one act forbidden to all unmarried Christians...she's fine...right?
Wrong.
Every young teen couple thinks that what they have is the most amazing thing on earth, and that they are completely devoted to each other. Adrenaline tends to put that mask on things. To reduce such a "sacred" thing down to a "drug" that a couple is getting high from could seem like a travesty. Here's the thing you guys: God knew that I could not recover from this sort of "withdrawal"... not for a LONG time anyway! It was at this time in my life that something began to happen to me that I could not explain: I walked around, LITERALLY feeling like half a person. Something had been torn away...broken in pieces...and I could not repair it, or replace it. It was like I had "scraped" my very soul, and now I could not stop the bleeding. What had happened? My high school boyfriend & I had broken up... that's all.
But that was NOT all! There was no divorce, because there had been no marriage, but something had definitely been joined...because now it was broken, and it was KILLING me! There was no death...I'd only broken up with my high school boyfriend right? So why did I feel like a widow who had lost her husband? Why was it literally like half of me was gone... and why was it supposed to be the best news of my life that I would "find somebody else"? Talk about a huge insult added to a severe injury! You mean I was supposed to be happy about going through all this AGAIN? All of this came from the "withdrawal" of being so attached to the "lust" that my inexperience told me was love. It seemed as though the bleeding, open wound, and all the baggage attached was left hanging in space, and I was the one with the gauze. THIS was the entering and exiting of relationships in order to find the right one, that everybody was so cavalier about?? Anyway, when I began to get my strength back, I did in fact, reason, that I would just "find somebody else.". Or that God would soon "bring" me someone else, to be more spiritual about it. I would not allow myself to understand just how NOT ready I was (in any case) for any such thing.
Hey, everybody else around me, Christian or not, seemed to just go on, and find somebody else, right? Why couldn't I? So, three things happened: I became intensely angry with my Father, because each time there was even a hint of another boyfriend on the horizon, God not only would close that door, he would SLAM it in my face! (I soooo THANK him now, for doing that!). Secondly, I truly felt the separation and the "sting" of being true to my savor, because I was NOT like most people around me... Christian or not! It REALLY get's tough when you realize that God won't allow you to "fit" even with the other Christians around you! Not looking like the world is one thing...not blending in with your Christian brothers and sisters where it's comfortable is something else entirely!! Thirdly, I noticed that my devotion poured out for a man who was no longer in my life would not allow me to even be free to be involved...with ANYONE. It was just too much! Not only was my cup empty...it was bone dry! I had nothing left to give! (What if the RIGHT man came along and now I had nothing left to give HIM?)
Time out. God is always on time. He is never late...but there's no need for him to ever be early either. His timing is perfect, so never is he rushed. Sometimes it takes the most time, I think, for him to clean up a mess we've made. I know now, that God has waited a LONG time on my behalf...so that I would truly be okay. I didn't realize it then, but I was trying to follow the World's pattern of doing things and and then getting angry with God because He wasn't allowing it to work! (Thank you Lord that it did not!!). I then began comparing myself with other Christians around me, and every time another brother or sister would get in a relationship, engaged, or married, I would then deepen my own personal grudge against God. I would say to him that he let it happen for them...so he could let it happen for me too. But he couldn't. Because I keep pouring salt in the very wounds he's wanting to heal. Really, it boils down to three words: I. Haven't. Submitted. I never have...not really.
The pain continued, and I began to be afraid that my dream of marriage would never be...so I would vigorously try to resurrect it...by seeking out another relationship, or arguing with God again, or even worse, trying to prove to God that I had all my ducks in a row, and surely NOW would be the time, right? I've heard that bargaining is part of the grief process, and truthfully, mine's gone on for years! Interesting. Isn't this the total opposite of the freedom Christians have in Christ? Don't we tell people that we have nothing to prove to Him? So what on earth was I trying to prove?? That I COULD handle it THIS time if he just let me try it again? As Chip Ingram says, that's like hitting your thumb with a hammer, feeling the pain, and then hitting it again, thinking the result will be different. (I'm so happy God never answered that prayer!!)
I found it interesting that no matter what else I seemed to occupy my time with, the pain inside never seemed to completely go away. It was like this terrible shadow cast on the "single" life that I was supposed to be enjoying so much. Is it really supposed to be THIS bad?? Is it supposed to go on for THIS long?? In my case...yes. God has had to keep undoing the damage from the salt that I keep pouring in my wounds by running ahead of him, chasing after the wrong thing, justifying it, running after it again...and so on. After a while, I really did just want to feel normal again, and I became truly afraid that this would never happen. Another year would go by, and then another, and I would vigorously try to understand, why I could not seem to just be happy with myself and just know God is enough, and that's enough. There truly was a pain inside that I couldn't identify...but trying to bury it, or rid myself of it quicker, only made it so much worse. The hurt seemed to drown everything else, including the joy of just enjoying myself.
So, God has loved me through this, and alowed me to ware myself out...and now I can say that my singleness truly is a gift from God and I'm very grateful for it! I've been so busy trying to change the season, that I never truly allowed God to show me the courage to embrace the season I'm already in. I learned how to say all the right things and look well put together on the outside... but was still crumbling on the inside. I find that stubbornness can teach us a lot about ourselves, because God won't move us until we give it up. In that time...or should I say, "Time out"... there are a lot of lessons he'll go over with us, until we surrender. I say all of this, because when I was on "Christian Mingle" it was only because I had "jumped on the bandwagon.". The commercials are everywhere... and let's face...it seems like everybody's at least trying it, right? No. Not everyone. That's not true. But I think it's interesting how the ads seem to really agree with a person's vulnerabilities. Sometimes, it does seem like you'll never find the one God intended for you. Don't force a solution. Whether it's with Christian Mingle or anything else. This might spike your adrenaline because of all the gorgeous guys, and even get you a relationship... but is it God's will for your life?
This is for anyone who is having to do things the HARD hard way...and it's a lot harder than they THOUGHT they KNEW it was. This is for anyone who's tempted about every half hour to jump on a "bandwagon" that God has told them to stay off of...no matter how many other Christians had found success that way. This is for anyone who's sincerely cried out to God, and thought they couldn't stand another minute of being alone, and then felt guilty as they tried to pick themselves up: "Isn't God enough?". I'm so happy to say...YES HE IS!! I know what it's like when the clichet's just don't work anymore, but the God of peace is so much more than a cliche' about his timing. I find that he HAS shown me that this really is not nearly as difficult as I've made it. I only needed to let go. Gee, no wonder it's taken so long! :). Let Him heal the wound.
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