Lord, how can I pray for this man that I love? I love him without even seeing...
His face, his eyes, his favorite shirt... his smile that can stop me breathing?
For his fears and doubts and passons, how can I intercede?
When I know not his wants, or fears or creed in life, what can I do?
Okay, So, at the risk of sounding like these rhymes are forced, even so it's true. I don't know if I'm attracted to the romance of dreaming about him, or actually getting to know him in life. The desire to pray for the man that I love has been with me for a long time. It's more than just the "Lord give him wisdom," "Lord give him courage" kind of thing. I've wanted to know what his quirks are, his pet peeves, his passons, the way he turns in his sleep... specifics please! Having no idea who he actually is does not make me qualified for the job. This fires up the roller coaster in my mind. I know nothing about letting it happen naturally. There's a meathod to my madness, and I intend to stick to it.... I just don't want it to be the world's meathod.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Fears
What are my fears about marriage?
1. That one of us will say, "cant take any more" and want to leave.
I often get sick of myself, and spend too much time waiting for the bottom to drop out of things. I figure if something bad is going to happen, lets just get it over with.
I will test my husband, there's no doubt about it; trying to see how much he can stand, praying the whole time that he doesn't leave me. But on the other hand, what a dismal existence. How do I honor him and cherish him so that my home is his home too, so that he's safe, and he wants to stay?
2. Father figure: It should't be a husbands job to be a father figure. But what if I need one? If a husband is a leader, is he, in essemce, a father figure too? What if this is humiliating for me as his wife because I can't be my own person? In my "experience" a father figure is someone who belittles you and makes you feel bad about yourself and makes your defenses go up. I know this isn't God's view of things, but that's exactly my point. How do I replace my veiw of a father, with God; so that I am able to let my husband be a husband?
1. That one of us will say, "cant take any more" and want to leave.
I often get sick of myself, and spend too much time waiting for the bottom to drop out of things. I figure if something bad is going to happen, lets just get it over with.
I will test my husband, there's no doubt about it; trying to see how much he can stand, praying the whole time that he doesn't leave me. But on the other hand, what a dismal existence. How do I honor him and cherish him so that my home is his home too, so that he's safe, and he wants to stay?
2. Father figure: It should't be a husbands job to be a father figure. But what if I need one? If a husband is a leader, is he, in essemce, a father figure too? What if this is humiliating for me as his wife because I can't be my own person? In my "experience" a father figure is someone who belittles you and makes you feel bad about yourself and makes your defenses go up. I know this isn't God's view of things, but that's exactly my point. How do I replace my veiw of a father, with God; so that I am able to let my husband be a husband?
Monday, July 20, 2009
Modesty
On Sunday, I went to church, like usual, and was told by several people that I looked cute.
However, before I left the house, the thoughts in my mind went something like this....
"Your shorts need to be a little "longer". and your v-neck blouse (though you have a separate tank top under it) is too low in the front." Man, when the tank top is too low in the front, it's harder than hard to shop, isn't it?
I didn't obey God in his directions on how I was dressed; and though I received compliments from both men and women at church, I knew I had some repenting to do when I came home. Nancy Leigh DeMoss developed this cd pkg. called "The Attrctive Christian Woman" which studies 1st Timothy chapter 2 and Titus (ch. 2), dealing with women's dress, and the truth, that when we come to church, we need to come ready to face the Lord.
When I went to church Sunday, I was "self conscious" when I stood up and sat down. This isn't exactly ready to face the Lord, is it? (though he always accepts me). The truth is, I was desiring the wrong sort of attention. Scripture says "How beautiful are the feet of those who spread the good news" (though mine are rather strange looking). The point is that a woman's greatest lovliness comes from a modest heart. Okay, I got this from Nancy Leigh Demoss too, but it applies here. "The Good News," coupled with a well arranged heart is what the Lord is after.
I am single today, but I believe the Lord has someone out there for me, and who knows, maybe one day, when "I'm getting ready" to face the Lord, I'll be getting ready to meet my husband too!
However, before I left the house, the thoughts in my mind went something like this....
"Your shorts need to be a little "longer". and your v-neck blouse (though you have a separate tank top under it) is too low in the front." Man, when the tank top is too low in the front, it's harder than hard to shop, isn't it?
I didn't obey God in his directions on how I was dressed; and though I received compliments from both men and women at church, I knew I had some repenting to do when I came home. Nancy Leigh DeMoss developed this cd pkg. called "The Attrctive Christian Woman" which studies 1st Timothy chapter 2 and Titus (ch. 2), dealing with women's dress, and the truth, that when we come to church, we need to come ready to face the Lord.
When I went to church Sunday, I was "self conscious" when I stood up and sat down. This isn't exactly ready to face the Lord, is it? (though he always accepts me). The truth is, I was desiring the wrong sort of attention. Scripture says "How beautiful are the feet of those who spread the good news" (though mine are rather strange looking). The point is that a woman's greatest lovliness comes from a modest heart. Okay, I got this from Nancy Leigh Demoss too, but it applies here. "The Good News," coupled with a well arranged heart is what the Lord is after.
I am single today, but I believe the Lord has someone out there for me, and who knows, maybe one day, when "I'm getting ready" to face the Lord, I'll be getting ready to meet my husband too!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Married/Single?
Singleness is a gift. Marriage is also a gift. Some of us are meant to be single and some, married. I agree with what a friend told me a couple weeks ago: If you have the desire to be married, then God wants you to be married. You know, the whole married or single debate... am I supposed to be single, even though I really, really, really DON'T wanna be? No. I've heard it said on Focus on the Family before that God may not have a mate for some of us who believe that we are supposed to be married. With all due respect, this statement makes me shudder, and I believe it's insulting to God. God knows us intimately, he knows the number of hairs on my head (Ps. 139); so he also knows every desire he's placed within me. Sometimes, yes, our passions are misdirected, and the Lord has to redirect (as it were) where we go; but I truly believe that if we have the desire to be married, then this is what God wants for us. That being said, I find it ironic that most people, Christians included seem to do so little preparing for what is supposed to be the second most important decision of a persons life (next to accepting the Lord). What to do?
Marriage
I don't understand why everybody (it seems) including Christian ministers seem to hold singleness as some sort of shining, heroic effort, while marriage is discourraged at all costs. In the world, we can expect that marriage would not be held in high regard in the name of independence or choice, or not wanting to appear old fashioned; but, as a Christian single, I find that the same is true in the Evangelical church: Marriage is not held in high regard in the name of independence, choice, and not wanting to appear old fashioned (after all, what if God isn't "directing" this person to get married?). As a result, marriage seems stuck on the back burner and never discussed.
Singleness, is regarded as a beautiful, courrageous, blessed, "you've got it going on" sort of liberating decision, while those who admit they have the desire to be married are told in every way imaginable, that all they can expect is trouble. The church seems to proclaim all of this, while admitting that marriage is honorable, and, the very first God ordained institution, while then returning to the apostle paul's desire that everyone were able to be like him (single and serving the Lord). Then, single men and women are assured that there is no need to feel like a freak, because the Bible says it's okay to be single. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GET MARRIED.
Wonderful, our God is good! What an awesome choice. However, it seems to me that singles aren't the ones who have anything to worry about...
If I remember correctly Gloria Steinam (Sp?) herself ended up admitting that femminism wasn't really the liberation she'd believed it was. For some of us, singleness is an ache that never seems to go away, and is often accompanied with the guilt associated with lingering doubt. Some singles doubt that they will ever find someone, they doubt that anyone will ever really want them, they doubt that their faith in God is what it should be because they're struggling with loneliness, heartache and many questions they can't seem to get answered. In the church, talk of singleness goes hand in hand with talk purity and staying a virgin (as well it should). Single people are encourraged because God will give them the STRENGTH to live such a life and stay faithful to him. These wonderful individuals (bless them:) are put on perpetual Christian pedestals and exalted while those with the desire to be married pick their hearts up off the floor, sick up their tears and wonder where their place is .
Because the divorce rate for Christians is now the same as it is for non-believers, it's no wonder that most people even within the church, wouldn't be too confident about encouraging marriage. So, with even the Bible stating in 1st Corinth. 7 that singleness is simpler, easier amd leaves one with an "undivided heart," just how does someone who has a desire to be joined in Gods oldest and most sacred cvenant get any support? The only address Paul gives to those of us who want to be married in that passage, is that we may (get married) if we wish, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion; turning our God-given place for a spouse into nothing but a need to remove lust. I KNOW there is more to the story than that... and that's so good because an ending like that would just be too depressing, don't you think?
Singleness, is regarded as a beautiful, courrageous, blessed, "you've got it going on" sort of liberating decision, while those who admit they have the desire to be married are told in every way imaginable, that all they can expect is trouble. The church seems to proclaim all of this, while admitting that marriage is honorable, and, the very first God ordained institution, while then returning to the apostle paul's desire that everyone were able to be like him (single and serving the Lord). Then, single men and women are assured that there is no need to feel like a freak, because the Bible says it's okay to be single. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GET MARRIED.
Wonderful, our God is good! What an awesome choice. However, it seems to me that singles aren't the ones who have anything to worry about...
If I remember correctly Gloria Steinam (Sp?) herself ended up admitting that femminism wasn't really the liberation she'd believed it was. For some of us, singleness is an ache that never seems to go away, and is often accompanied with the guilt associated with lingering doubt. Some singles doubt that they will ever find someone, they doubt that anyone will ever really want them, they doubt that their faith in God is what it should be because they're struggling with loneliness, heartache and many questions they can't seem to get answered. In the church, talk of singleness goes hand in hand with talk purity and staying a virgin (as well it should). Single people are encourraged because God will give them the STRENGTH to live such a life and stay faithful to him. These wonderful individuals (bless them:) are put on perpetual Christian pedestals and exalted while those with the desire to be married pick their hearts up off the floor, sick up their tears and wonder where their place is .
Because the divorce rate for Christians is now the same as it is for non-believers, it's no wonder that most people even within the church, wouldn't be too confident about encouraging marriage. So, with even the Bible stating in 1st Corinth. 7 that singleness is simpler, easier amd leaves one with an "undivided heart," just how does someone who has a desire to be joined in Gods oldest and most sacred cvenant get any support? The only address Paul gives to those of us who want to be married in that passage, is that we may (get married) if we wish, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion; turning our God-given place for a spouse into nothing but a need to remove lust. I KNOW there is more to the story than that... and that's so good because an ending like that would just be too depressing, don't you think?
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Sweet
For as long as I can remember, I've been called sweet. This is great, except when it isn't true. I'm such a pretender at times. I guess we all are. I often confuse optimism with dishonesty. If I'm not optimistic about something, why shouldI lie and say I am? Because it might help someone to be posative about things they couldn't before. It might help ME to be posative about things I couldn't before. So, I'd say, it isn't lying, it's choosing hope over hopelessness. :)
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